Should I go for it?

LegacyUser

So I have this friend who I am extremely close to. We hang out all the time but we're closer than just friends. I am hugely attracted to him emotionally but not really physically. He wants more than friendship. He's been very open about telling me this but has said he loves me as his friend first and foremost. I am scared to take things any further for a couple of reasons. Firstly if it doesn't work it'll damage our relationship and hurt us both, but I guess it'd be worth risking that. The other reason is something more valid. I really really like him as a person, he's good tempered and considerate and open with his emotions (which I think is very important) and fun and caring towards his friends and we enjoy doing similar things, my concern is that he doesn't work. He hasn't worked now in a few years, partly due to the economy but I suspect also because he's unmotivated. I find this an extremely unattractive trait, not just in a potential parter but in people in general. Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself but I think if were to get involved then I see things getting quite serious, we're both in our thirties! and I suspect a few months down the road I could get really impatient about this. Ive been very hard working and independent my whole life but ultimately I want a mate that I know could provide a family. Perhaps I'm overthinking it too much because essentially I love his company, really enjoy being around him and we bounce very well off each other and maybe these are the important things? Should you expect a parter to tick all your boxes or should there be some amount of realisim about no one being perfect? 

Miss Fluff

I'd voice your concerns to him if I were you. If you think he could get a job if he tried and simply hasn't bothered then tell him you'd like him to try as it's important to you. If you are as close as you say then he will appreciate you being straight up with him.

Also I'm a bit concerned about you not being physically attracted to him, it's a really important factor! Are you not attracted to him in that way because you hadn't considered him in that way up until now or is it that you simply don't find him attractive? I think it's really important to fancy the arse off your OH tbh...!

nowyouresix

Ive been very hard working and independent my whole life but ultimately I want a mate that I know could provide a family.

There's your answer. Don't settle for someone you can see potential problems with and are not physically attracted to.