Peaking in Secondary School!

LegacyUser

When I was in secondary school I was considered good looking and i used to score (i.e shift/snog) good looking girls.
But its now 10 years since I left school and things have turned to sh1t in that regard.

My problem is the girls i used to score growing up would now be considered out of my league and the problem is that im just not attracted to girls in my league. A good personality would obviously trump looks but Its rare enough that I get the chance to get to know a girl first and as most of ye know our social seen is heavily based on looks.

Since school my looks have completely gone
- terrible hairline (wayne rooney pre-op)
- grey hairs all over the shop (im only 27!)
- Hairy back + shoulders (in the middle of laser hair removal but grows back too quickly)
- havnt grown since school (still 5'8) so im too short for a lot of women (especially when 6 inch heels come into play)
- small penis
- bad razor burn on my neck after every shave (if i try and grow a beard it turns ginger!!)

none of the above were an issue in school but now they're really stopping me meeting someone.

I have no interest is scoring random girls in nightclubs, i hate it, i go to clubs with the lads but never score really and i try to project a confident image but I thing girls see right through it and can sense ive got nothing to back it up with.
I actually feel that since i didnt have to work for a score when i was growing up my personality didnt develop and now im left with a **** one!!

Anyway the reason im posting is I want to know does anyone else feel like this has happenned to them?

Beruthiel

loser27 wrote: »

none of the above were an issue in school but now they're really stopping me meeting someone.

Not for one second are they the reasons.
What is stopping you is YOU.
You're looking in the mirror and have made a decision about yourself.

What about you as a person? Clearly you're not confident and full of self esteem.
That is what is most attractive to a woman.
Until you like yourself for who you are, it is going to be difficult to find someone.
Work on your attitude towards yourself.

LegacyUser

OP - you are suffering from terribly low self-esteem. Calling yourself loser27 is not helping matters

Now i'm a girl in my 30s and wouldn't have the highest self-esteem, but i'm a lot better than i used to be. When i was 16/17 i used to make lists like yours of all the things that were physically wrong with me. It never helped me, only caused me to feel more down about myself.

Even now when a relationship ends, i tend to blame it on myself and start wondering 'Is it because i'm not skinny? Is it because i'm not pretty enough? Is it because my teeth are crooked?'. But as i'm older and wiser (ha) i tend to be able to get a grip of myself and these thoughts pass.

Like a lot of people your age and older, you are finding it hard to meet someone special. This is a very common problem. This is not down to your looks and certainly not down to your penis size! BELIEVE ME.

I think you should take a 3-pronged approach to building your self-esteem up:

1. You are right to do laser hair removal if the hair on your back bothers you that much. This may make you less self-conscious about your shoulders/back. Can razor burn be remedied by changing razor? Dunno as i'm a girl, suss this out. But if not, stop obsessing about it. Stop focusing on your receding hair, grey hair, penis size or height. SERIOUSLY. Women are attracted to confidence. Do what you can do to make yourself look the best you can - nice clothes, nice shoes, exercise, get a few muscles (some girls apparently like them!), nice aftershave, clean teeth, fresh breath (you'd think this would be a given...).

2. It might be useful to speak to a counsellor about your self-esteem issues. You probably will ignore this part, but it really is important. Training yourself to think positively about yourself and to focus on the positive attributes you can offer rather than your negatives, is the key to building your self-esteem.

3. You say that your personality hasn't developed. Well then start developing it now. Read, watch the news, talk to people, form opinions on things, take up sports/activities, go to gigs, travel, decide what you like and don't like, try and grow into the person that you think you should be. I often felt when i was younger that i had no true sense of self, and i'm glad to say in the last few years that i've started to feel that developing and i'm starting to know who i am.

On a side note, you have to try to stop thinking of girls as 'in my league / out of my league'. This is immature. You are judging girls purely based on their looks, and that's what you're afraid girls are doing to you!

Of course you have to be attracted to someone, but perhaps open your eyes and your mind to the opportunities that you might be passing up (because these girls are 'in your league'!), and you might realise that looks only go so far. The girls who you think are so hot, might not be interested in you, but that's life. Move on, find someone who you can spark with, who you can talk to and have a laugh with.

Good luck

Taltos

OP - if you are getting razor burn it can be for any number of reasons - sensitive skin, wrong type blade, using an electric shaver.

I used to suffer really badly from this - here is what worked for me.
1. Only use blades; change regularly (once I start getting burn I know they are blunt)
2. Exfoliate regularly.
3. No foam - I only use an oil called Total Shaving - none of the others work. Prepare with warm water to soften the hairs and open the pores. Remember to use cold water afterwards to close down the pores again.
4. Take the odd rest day from shaving.
5. Use a good moisturiser when finished - NO aftershave for that fresh feeling...

In terms of everything else I think the advice above is spot on - this does appear to be more around your own self-confidence and what you are projecting.

Let's look at your list.
- terrible hairline (wayne rooney pre-op)
>> Am there too - I now either crop to blade 1 or shave my head - actually has been very very liberating but it took a few weeks for me to get over my self-consciousness.

- grey hairs all over the shop (im only 27!)
>> See above - and really so what if you have grey hair - I was in college with a few guys who either had grey at 18 or were naturally bald by 19.

- Hairy back + shoulders (in the middle of laser hair removal but grows back too quickly)
>> When you are out - who is seeing this
>> If laser or waxing makes you feel better then continue. Instead of looking at the negative look at the positive - this amount of hair growth is more than likely due to very high testosterone levels... All good there.

- havnt grown since school (still 5'8) so im too short for a lot of women (especially when 6 inch heels come into play)
>> Self confidence will really get you past this. I mean look at Tom Cruise - I think you may well tower over him. Drawing on him as he is well known, but some of the most successful and charismatic managers I have known have been in or around your height.

- small penis
>> Can't comment too much on this, but how would this stop you meeting someone... Again google average lengths and chances are you are not all that far off. Porn movies have a lot to answer for,

- bad razor burn on my neck after every shave (if i try and grow a beard it turns ginger!!)
>> See above.

Please do take the advice above on how to start to believe in yourself again, you really are in your prime so do what you can to learn to be happy with who you are and go have some fun.

mikemac1

loser27 wrote: »

- bad razor burn on my neck after every shave (if i try and grow a beard it turns ginger!!)

Well you found boards and there is a forum with thousands of posts for all things shaving.
Every possible question you have is in there

Maybe you're using cheap and nasty products you found in Tesco or Dunnes or whereever.
Head to a barber, a proper old skool one :cool:

They'll do the biz and then recommend products for you that you can buy. There are lots of options.

loser27 wrote: »

my personality didnt develop and now im left with a **** one!!

Have a go at this and you can do it with a buddy or with yourself in the mirror

Pick some boring subject, maybe politics or the ECB or whatever and talk about it for a minute and see how you come across

Now pick something you're passionate about, maybe it's your sports team but could anything and talk and see how you come across

Then try to work on the difference. You could be talking ****e but if you're excited and somewhat charismatic well it'll be picked up on.
Actually head to Toastmasters, you'll learn it better then I can explain it

It's not magic, but sometimes you need a good friend and blunt honesty to see how you are coming across

Kosseegan

Cheer up o/p! Being small and ugly is not the end of the world. You just have to change your approac. Buy a good electric razor. Go places where you meet a different classs of girl. Update your chat up lines, Do not use the ones you used as a teenager. You should cultivate an image of solidity and dependability. Girls your age if still single start to panic as they approach 30 and want to settle down before it is too late. Behave as if you are mature and responsible and you will have them beating a path to your door.

LovelyLottie

Kosseegan wrote: »

Being small and ugly is not the end of the world.

Eh, OP ignore this insensitive comment.

Kosseegan wrote: »

You should cultivate an image of solidity and dependability. Girls your age if still single start to panic as they approach 30 and want to settle down before it is too late. Behave as if you are mature and responsible and you will have them beating a path to your door.

I'm assuming the sentiment is well-intended but just poorly expressed. Girls approaching 30 do not all panic, it's a myth. Maybe approaching 40 but certainly not 30 these days. OP, there's no point pretending to be something you're not, in order to snare all the 'desperate' women gagging to tie the knot and have kids before 30.

Build your confidence, try to figure out who you are, then just be yourself and things will start to fall into place for you.

Call Me Jimmy

OP just so you know, I identify with the way you feel as I feel quite similarly.
The hard part when you're a good looking kid/teenager is the seemingly overnight transition. It'd be a lot less of a problem if you hadn't experienced at a younger age how much easier life is when you're good looking. Afraid the only advice is to accept it and let it go. That will change your life. Haven't been able to do it myself hence why I feel like you. Best of luck!

Cuddlesworth

On the razer burn part, if your only experiencing it on the neck there is a good possibility that you are shaving the wrong way. You always go with the grain and shave down, but on some men the hair grows towards the chin on the neck. Take a close look at what direction the hair is actually growing there.

nonsmoker

Hi OP

Dont be so hard on yourself, its a lot harder these days to meet anyone compared to what it used to be 10 years ago, I dont know why but it is.

LegacyUser

OP here
Thanks for the replies guys, ye're good people!
I do agree that its a very negative way of look at your self and I try to be positive just some days it gets you very down.
Things could be a lot worse and I do appreciate the good aspects of my life so hopefully things will improve with my love life at some stage.

CyberJuice

nonsmoker wrote: »

Hi OP

Dont be so hard on yourself, its a lot harder these days to meet anyone compared to what it used to be 10 years ago, I dont know why but it is.

this is not true,it has never been easier to meet girls than it is right now

twitter,facebook,myspace,dating sites. its so easy to chat to girls online and arrange dates these days compared to the 80s and 90s

nonsmoker

CyberJuice wrote: »

this is not true,it has never been easier to meet girls than it is right now

twitter,facebook,myspace,dating sites. its so easy to chat to girls online and arrange dates these days compared to the 80s and 90s

Cyberjuice if you are someone who meets lots of girls and gets plenty dates through the internet then that is brilliant for you, but if it was that easy for everyone there wouldnt be as many threads on here from people who are single, lonely, wanting to meet people.

Also in the 80's and 90's twitter, facebook, myspace, etc didnt exist, dating sites were relatively unknown, the internet was new and not available to most of us.
Maybe thats part of the reason why it wasnt as hard to meet people as people had to make the effort to go out and get chatting to the opposite sex, actually meet face to face to get to know someone in person as it was the only way.

CyberJuice

nonsmoker wrote: »

Cyberjuice if you are someone who meets lots of girls and gets plenty dates through the internet then that is brilliant for you

I dont use dating sites and havent went on dates with people online,im just saying that at this moment in time its never been easier to connect with people and arange dates, the figures are out there to back this up,im not just assuming.

only just last week i watched a show on bbc3 about this topic, they interviewd loads of people and checked out loads of sites,they talked to people from universities who carried out surveys and studies and a hell of a lot of people are hooking up via the internet,people of all ages..

obviously some of us have our own reservations about meeting strangers and we may have a stigma with internet dating but alot of people do it and enjoy it


so to say its alot harder these days to meet people than it was 10 years ago, it may be true for an individual person due to their own personal issues or personality but judging society as a whole its just not true and the figures are there to back it up

ash23

OP, I think I get where you're coming from. This is all my own opinion and experience and probably isn't the case for everyone of course. But for me I see people I was in school with who were the "cool" ones or the "hot" ones. And it seems most of them stagnated. They had no reason to want to leave our home town, no reason to want to aspire to something more.

It was a case of them having a great life and staying put. Only to realise 10 years later that they've done half the town and are now too old to pull the hot young girls.

Those of us who weren't "cool" in school had the need and desire to get out of town and as a result went to cities or colleges and blossomed. Because we found people like ourselves who accepted us for who we were and not how many lads we could shift in a month. We learned to like ourselves and that there are enough people in the world that we can cut our losses if some of them aren't good for us.

And now I go home occasional weekends and see the guys that wouldn't have known I existed trying to chat me up. They don't even remember me from school, they wouldn't have known I existed. And it's not that I'm gorgeous now because I'm not. I look pretty much the exact same as I did back then. But I'm confident and I don't care what they think of me.

My advice would be to broaden your horizons. If you still live in the same hometown, move. If you still have the same friends, make new ones. You're still acting like you did when you were 18, probably still using the same lines and techniques but these women are approaching 30 now. It won't work. You need more substance. Looks fade for some and improve for others. Socialise in different places and just try a different approach. Stop being shallowing and pegging your ego on scoring a good looking bird.