Shared house Problem

LegacyUser

Hi,
Been living in a rented house for just over 3 years. A lot of people have came and went in that time. I've been doing the houseshare thing for over 10 years, so really am tired of it. This past couple of years I keep to myself in the house Don't watch much TV, prefer to listen to music/internet, play guitar in my room . I suppose i've gotten less socialable due to high housemate turn over (nothing to do with me), and because like I said, I'm tired of making efforts etc. I think this is pretty common?!
So, last March a new girl moved in. (there are 3 tenants in total). She seems nice. I probably didn't roll out the red carpet, although was never once rude or hostile, just kept to myself. So anyway time passed and her unusual habits started to become apparent. here they are:

Unplugging appliances in the kitchem the second she walked into the house. (even one day she unplugged the clock radio in kitchen when my other h-mate and girlfriend where obviously listening to it from dining room)

Uses washing maching every evening. (she stays Mon-Fri), and in these washes there might only be 4/5 items. eg. towels, sock, hoodies.
So, a couple of months ago, I brought up the fact that ESB bills were getting bigger, and suggested being more carefeul with washing machine. I hit a brick wall, she told me that she considered herself "energy efficient" and that as she wasn't here at weekends to use electricity, then she had every right to as she does. she also said she needs to wash things separately as they're delicates. (have never once saw anything remotely delicate in her washing).

started taking stuff out of recylcing bin in kitchen, eg. plastic tubs, and leaving them steeping with hot water. (Note: I never throw stuff in there without giving it a rinse first). Next thing we know there are professional labels put on the bins with instructions for us. She never spoke to us about this.

Leaves landing/bathroom windows open all day and night, they are pushed out as far as they will go. Repeatedly does this even though other housemate complained of draught & and doors rattling at night. Seemed totally fine about closing them when he spoke to her, but after some time, same things starts.

Moved furniture around one day without mentioning it first.

a different day, I moved the couch a couple of feet closer to middle of room (large sitting room, not very cosy, thought moving the 2nd couch closer to middle might help). It then gets moved back to its original position the next day she gets back. Tried to let that over my head. I might be here the longest but I dont' think that makes me the boss.

Lately, since Winter came in, I pull down blinds, and close curtains and close doors in communal areas as soon as I get in from work to help keep heat in etc. She consistently comes along and undoes this early in the evening, not later at night!! She definitely waits till I'm away from these areas until she does this. (I understand some people like curtains open for the morning but do they need to be re-opened at 7pm? Could it wait till 11pm).
(energy efficient - contradicting the curtain thing)

She has dumped some newspapers and boxes etc that I wanted to keepwithout asking . I wouldn't dare do same to her. (Granted, I probably should have moved this stuff to my room).

If I switch on a light in landing/hallway, she will turn it off at first opportunity. Or vice versa, she turns on after I turn off. I think this is deliberate.

Then, last night I find the sitting room completely rearranged. I had put a colourful Mexican blanket over one of the couches (sort of as a throw) a week or so ago. It had vanished, as has some pretty little coasters on the coffee table. I later found the blanket at the bottom of the hotpress upstairs. I find this really really cheeky.

I also think all/most of her habits, i.e. undoing things I do, is completely deliberate. At first i thought I was getting less and less tolerant (as explained in first paragragh), and I think to an extent it's my impatience that is part of my problem, but one day a few months ago the other housemate vented about her. He wasnt' happy about washing machine usage either. he has since moved out, and a new guy moved in. I think she's trying to get him onside, and perhaps manipulate him against me. (overheard her give out about me getting rid of TV (this belonged to my parents, and they needed it back. I didn't use it much anyway). The new guy was only in the house a couple of days when this happened.

She has pretty much free rein of the sitting room Mon-Thurs. I dont' wish to share it with her. There's no real problem with this as I do music etc in my room like I said. I use it at weekends if I'm here. However I have some belongings in there, and I do use the room at weekends if I have the place to myself. So, I would have thought I have entitlement to put some of my wee things in there...?!


I am at the point where I cant' stand the sight of her. I totally keep to myself now, and all she gets from me is a 'hi, how are you..?". "how was your weekend?" I dont' make any more of and effort. But like I said, not hostile.
It's a really strange situation though, cos when I meet her in the house she's pleasant, she does all these things when I'm not around. She wouldn't blantantly open curtains after me closing them right in front of me. The previous housemates who recently moved out used to describe the same. behind the back stuff....

I'm not the most assertive person, whereas she is (saw this when i brought up ESB bills), so I'm reluctant to have another chat cos she's the kind of idiot who has an answer for everything. so I would probably be met with another brick wall.

So, Any thoughts, advice??? Really sorry the post is so long and it's repetitive sort of topic

baby and crumble

OP, I remember this exact thread here before, did you not get good advice from it?

Fact of the matter is, it's her house too. I used to live with a really annoying housemate that would leave lights on all over the house, leave everything plugged in, etc. Some people just have a different baseline for what they see as comfortable/ appropriate living environments. If that's the case, then tbh all you're going to be able to do is either ask her to leave, or leave yourself. If you're already spending most of your time alone and not getting a kick out of the social side of house sharing, would you not try and get your own place? I did, and it's the best thing I ever did.

woodchuck

She sounds a bit obsessive/compulsive, but not actually malicious or anything. The problem is that all of these things on their own aren't that big of a deal, but put them together and I can see why they'd be a bit head wrecking. She's definitely not going to change her ways if you don't at least try talk to her though. But I'd only pick out a few of the main things you have a problem with instead of all of them and it's probably easier to discuss it in passing as or just after she's done it rather than a big sit down confrontation about it.

Failing that, nothing is going to change unless one of you move out.

Sin1981

I think the OP is right to be irritated by this behaviour. One or two of those things is one thing, but the combination of them all is bad alright. It doesn't just sound like she prefers things to be done a certain way to her liking. It's as though her objective is to undermine the others. And removing the OPs stuff from the lounge is downright rude. It's as though the person is trying to achieve some kind of ownership of the place.
I think the OP probably falls into the 'normal' majority, probably 90% of us. but unfortunately there are those others who do things differently and expect everyone else to follow their way.

try to let this rubbish over your head. I presume you're still sharing because of costs? (can relate to that). but best thing is maybe to move on if you can.

blahblah06

I don't see what the issue with the esb is when she turns off the lights etc surely she is saving money for u guys?
I wish my housemates would turn things off

mood

blahblah06 wrote: »

I don't see what the issue with the esb is when she turns off the lights etc surely she is saving money for u guys?
I wish my housemates would turn things off

I had a problem with this before. I was always nearly falling over her crap (shoes, bags etc) in the hall and even nearly fell down the stairs. Hall need light on for safety reasons. Also, maybe she turn light off in room that are being used (ie someone in loo still wants the tv and light on if watching telly).

If it bothers you that much maybe you should move out.

Ickle Magoo

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