Time is not healing

LegacyUser

Hi all. It's been 6 months since my ex dumped me. I think I've come to the conclusion over months of analysing that she just didn't fancy me that much. I was crazy about her and because she didn't give me much back, I guess after a while she got fed up with me, lost the attraction, and broke up with me. She is 36 and I'm 32. We were together on and off for 2 years, in that both of us had lived abroad for a while but were still seeing each other on a monthly basis. A couple of months after finally being home in the same place she broke up with me. I was freaked out for those couple of months because she seemed to want to spend time with me but sex was a no go really and if it happened it almost felt forced on her part, like she was doing it to keep me happy. So yeah I know, she didn't fancy me that much. I probably came across as a bit needy or clingy but I guess that's the outcome of being with someone who doesn't actually love you, she never said she did, could only ever say that she "wasn't sure about her feelings". I'm the bigger idiot for staying with her for so long.
Anyway, 6 months have passed, no contact really, she texted me a couple of times but I ignored, they were never texts asking to meet or invoking conversation, just "hope you're ok", and "happy xmas hope things are good with you". I think she only texts me out of guilt as she strung me along for so long. I am not really getting passed this, the whole episode seems to have broken my spirit and confidence, I have not even kissed a girl since her and that is not the way it usually is with me, I never had a problem attracting women. My friends say women can smell it a mile off, if someone's confidence has been shattered and they're probably right. It's not attractive at all. I am depressed over this, seriously, my self-esteem seems to be gone totally. She pretty much said I wasn't good enough for her, she cheated on me once and I took her back after she pleaded for ages with me and made false promises, and I was just the biggest walkover p*ssy with her. I am ashamed of myself and feel like a loser. 6 months have passed and I'm not feeling any better. How do I get over this? I just want the old me back. I was never like this with women before but she managed to manipulate me and I ended up a total nervous mess of a person with her. How do I move on?

BarackPyjama

VANGOGHWHERE wrote: »

How do I get over this?

Forget about her by concentrating on your own life and goals. Hit the gym, get out and enjoy yourself with friends, talk to different girls and build your confidence back up by concentrating on what you want. And forget about yer wan.

A0

No need to do anymore analysis, you are wasting your time. As the post above: move on and forget about her. Also learn from this that when someone cheats on you you should dump her immediately. You're actually just hurting yourself thinking about this story and not moving on.
To answer your question: just do things you like - hobbies, go out with your friends, exercise, etc. Make sure she is not part of your life anymore (no more contact, block her, delete her from fb if you haven't done so, etc.).

LegacyUser

Thanks for the responses guys. Yeah I do hit the gym, it really helps me, and I go out every weekend more than I should, I probably drink too much and have been hanging out with a crowd big into a certain powder these days. It really does provide great relief but I know it's fake and in work on Mondays I just feel awful.
I've done all I can to get her off my mind, I blocked her on FB on day one, never contacted her, and have always ignored her. Unfortunately I know her number off by heart but I've never drunk dialled or done anything stupid like that.
I guess the big issue for me is that my confidence is gone, I've lost my mojo, I feel like I'm not good enough if I'm chatting to a girl, and I can talk the ears off anyone. That cow took all my self esteem and confidence, I just want to know how to get it back? I will never ever forgive someone for cheating again, it makes you paranoid and insecure, and it's not worth the aftermath.

nowyouresix

Stop the coke/meth whatever it is you're taking. It will kill you. In life sh1t happens. Move on. Sorry for sounding so harsh, but you've got to get your act together and move on. Do you want the traces of her to ruin the rest of your life as well??? If u keep doing the drugs you won't have a job. Only a matter of time with that stuff, no matter how well you think you can hide it.
Get some professional help and move on with your life.
Good luck.

LovelyLottie

You just have to keep doing what you're doing (apart from the drugs bit obviously) until you slowly start to feel better. Unfortunately there is no quick fix for a broken heart.

Keep doing the positive things mentioned above (gym, friends, hobbies). You'll have setbacks some days, but pick yourself and keep going. One day you'll realise that you haven't thought about her that day. Then a while after that you'll realise you haven't thought about her in a few days. And on it goes.

6 months is not long enough i'm afraid to get over this kind of heartache. Time does heal, but you have to give it a bit more time. Hang in there.

LegacyUser

thanks so much for the replies. I know you all say knock the drink on the head etc, I'm not a messy drunk or anything but I can still drink enough to have awful hangovers that last 2 days and it makes me more depressed and miss her even more sometimes.
Really though, it's great to be able to go to the pub by my house and socialise and have a laugh, it's really the only social outlet I have at the moment, so I guess I just need to limit what I drink and try and give up the other stuff.
Yeah maybe 6 months isn't that long, someone once told me it takes a man a year or so to get over this stuff or longer, but it doesn't take women as long, something to do with pride. Maybe he's right.

ennis81

Hey,
Listen you must remember you did nothing wrong, she treated you badly and that is her problem, all you did was love her and hope that she would love you back, do not waste anymore time thinking about her, new year new start, when a memory creeps in, force it away by thinking about something else, its the only way to move on from people who have really hurt you. You were fine before this woman and you will be fine again, never make a person in your life a priority when you are just an option in theirs.

Knock the white stuff on the head, you will have to stop socialising with these pals to do so, its impossible to give up if surrounded by temptation. I know you feel good at the time and chatty and social and you can probably handle the emotional pain you are in but you have to admit that your problems probably seem much worse after your drug and alcohol binges. Its a vicious circle.

Get out there, visit old friends, family, reconnect with people, keep yourself too busy to be thinking of the past. Believe in yourself, things WILL get better;)