Advice - Child abuse

confusedIam

folks,

today I was told that my 9yr old nephew is being abused by his 14yr old cousin (both boys). Going on for circa 6mths. I believe that there was also a single incident 4yrs ago with another child (my niece).

The child has been removed from the situation and the older boys parents informed.

Is there a garda/legal route considering that its minors involved? What action should they be taking?

I'm asking this from a purely supporting capacity - I've advised the abused childs parents to call the police and an abuse line to understand the options but right now emotions are running pretty high.

thanks.

ElleEm

God, this is a horrible situation, and unfortunatly one I have come across before in a working environment. The local duty social workers should be called so that they can come out and assess the situation.
They may refer the 14 year old to a service that can address his behaviour, and they may also refer the 9 year old to a service to support him.

Good luck.

Big Bag of Chips

You say there was a single incident 4 years ago also. I would question how a 10 year old would get the idea to do something like that?

There is a chance he was "shown" by someone else?

Contacting the gardaí is a good idea, and they will then contact the relevant people. Both children will obviously be spoken to, but the family may find out more than they expected.

Terrible, horrible situation for all the families.

Midnight Sundance

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

You say there was a single incident 4 years ago also. I would question how a 10 year old would get the idea to do something like that?

There is a chance he was "shown" by someone else?

Contacting the gardaí is a good idea, and they will then contact the relevant people. Both children will obviously be spoken to, but the family may find out more than they expected.

Terrible, horrible situation for all the families.

I would have to agree with this poster, it certainly would not be normal for a 14 year old to do this and if I were you I would be advising his family into looking into his own past.

Gosh it's a terrible situation for all involved!!! ;(

confusedIam

I'm not sure if he was 'shown' or not however the incident 4 years ago was where he tried touching my niece, she immediately told her mum. Her mum and the other kids mum talked to the kid in question and put it down to kids being kids and him exploring.

The recent incident with the 9yr old is far more serious in nature where he makes the younger boy masturbate him (not full intercourse as far as we can tell).

Its an awful situation, however I have a big problem....

The parents of both children met yesterday (their mothers are sisters) and agreed that sleepovers and visits etc are stopped. However the elder kid told his parents that it happened once and they are downplaying it as, again, curiosity. The younger kids mum is reluctant to call the police in as it would destroy family relationships.

I can't make them see that they are putting family ties ahead of the welfare of their child and that there isn't a single circumstance where not reporting this is okay.

Do I have the duty to give them a deadline - i.e. report it to the police or I will.

Advice welcome.

Morag

You do have a duty to report it, both children will need professional help.
I would suggest you go to the social worker on call and make a report under the child protection act for both children.

Oryx

I get you on not wanting to destroy family relationships, but that 14 year old needs help, not to have his behaviour excused and swept under the carpet. Now, whether having the police involved would constitute help, is another matter. He is 14, and I would still see that as a fragile and childish age, rather than a kid that is inherently bad. I too wonder if something happened to him, in turn, to prompt this.

So someone needs to seek outside help for this. I would hope that for all concerned there is a procedure that helps without criminalising the older child. An organisation that deals with abuse would probably be the best port of call at this stage, to advise on what procedures take place once something like this is reported.

confusedIam

But I just can't make them see that this isn't over - they think that now the child is removed from the situation (it was happening every week), the older kid given out to, the younger kid is a happy little guy and they think everything will go on as normal.

And it may be for a few years, but not long term. This will surface again...just a matter of time

Big Bag of Chips

I can understand the parents of the older boy wanting to forget it... but can you put it to them that he may also be at risk, or was at risk in the past. That by going to professional people who know how to handle it and how to ask the right questions, that it is the only way he can be helped and dealt with.

It will not lead to a prosecution (or persecution) of the child, but 6 months isn't a one off. The boys both need to talk to someone.

Have a read of the "Children First" leaflet... Google it! It will maybe help you all a bit more.

But as a mother, if the older boy was MY son, I would want him to speak to whoever possible, to make sure that it had never happened him, and to prevent as much as possible the chance of him doing it again.

Van Occupanther

Report it to the Duty Social Worker at your local health office, they'll take the lead. Both young people and families will need help, this is much too serious to ignore.

confusedIam

sunflower27 wrote: »

Does the mother of the boy really think her son's behaviour is just experimentation? I can't believe any mother could truly believe that.

She believes her son.....that it happened once, he's sorry, was curious, didn't know what he was doing. That combined with the fact that his parents have broken up, not an easy upbringing, blah, blah, blah.
Result: he's very sorry, will come over and apologise if that's what you want, we'll look into getting a counsellor, blah, blah, blah. Totally downplayed.

I've made my decision. My brother wants to go the formal social services route, his wife doesn't and wants to 'deal' with it themselves due to it being her family. I will be there to support and give them a few days to agree and decide between them what they are doing. I really want them to report it themselves, however if they don't, I will.

My conscience won't allow another outcome ;-(

LegacyUser

I'm glad you are firm on taking action. This situation is similar to my own abuse. 10 years + on I'm still dealing with it as it wasn't addressed and when I asked for help it was swept under the carpet ("We'll deal with it as a family" and the whole thing has been ignored since). Professional help is needed for both the 9yo and 14yo. The 9yo may seem like a happy child now but the affects of the abuse will really hit him when he reaches puberty and has to deal with triggers and flashbacks.

The Mother of the 14yo is in denial and making up excuses for her son. A typical reaction from my own experience.

One in Four (www.oneinfour.ie) might be able to give you some guidance on your options.

theg81der

Now I might be off the mark but I reckon the older boys mother has suspicions about someone (maybe her husband, someone known to her) abusing him and she doesn`t want to confront it and have it all come out.

Your so doing the right thing OP the time for cover ups is gone it clearly doesn`t help anyone.

cgcsb

I would advise against galling the gardaí, I don't see how that can help at this stage. However, by all means, get social services involved.

saa

Please take the advice above to report as well and as much as you can, and beware that once services are informed in my experience even with very serious abuse cases they still need someone to push for action, you are not failing anyone by reporting.

MagicSean

The HSE will most likely contact the Gardai if you dont. A 14 year old can in fact be prosecuted for sex crimes.

Susannahmia

Sharrow wrote: »

You do have a duty to report it, both children will need professional help.
I would suggest you go to the social worker on call and make a report under the child protection act for both children.

+1 Go to social services.

Both of these children need to be assessed and treated by professionals. For the 14 year old to be displaying this type of behaviour as early as age 10 indicates that he may have been abused too.

If this is not nipped in the bud now other children could be hurt. The 9 year old will also need professional counseling.

Morag

http://www.cari.ie/about_cari_foundation-page.html

What is CARI ?
The Cari Foundation is a Registered Charity founded in 1989. Chy 9491.
Our primary aim is to provide a proffesional, child centred therapy and counselling service to children families and groups who have been affected by child sexual abuse.Alongside this we aim to provide the most up to date education and information service for children,adults and professionals on the dynamics of child sexual abuse, and, moreover, to raise the public and political awareness of these issues.

1890 924 567

CARI National Helpline

Since its first full year of operation in 2001 the CARI Helpline has provided an invaluable public service. Callers are able to explore concerns, feelings and fears regarding child sexual abuse in safety and anonymity. The CARI Helpline is the first point of contact for the majority of the public and professionals who have questions about child protection and issues around child sexual abuse.

Our experienced operators will provide information and advice to individuals and professionals with concerns about child sexual abuse or children displaying sexualised behaviour. Through the Helpline CARI can arrange appointments for parents/carers or other individuals who would like to address their concerns face to face or feel in need of a crisis appointment from one of our therapists.

Who calls CARI and why?
Throughout its history the single largest category of callers to the Helpline has been mothers looking to discuss concerns ranging from coping with the disclosures of abuse to helping support siblings of victims or simply to talk over their anxiety about a child.

Adult survivors are another group of callers and this has remained consistent as a result of the impact of ongoing events and developments in the media and courts. We also receive significant numbers of calls from fathers, relatives, friends as well as social workers, teachers and other professionals. It has always been part of our remit to offer advice and support to adults and professionals who are not sure about how best to protect children, therefore it is always heartening to get calls from this cohort.

While our Helpline is not aimed at teenagers there has been a noticeable increase in the number of teenagers contacting us, perhaps as a result of our increasing profile. We will always seek to address their issues as best we can but if they have specific concerns about their own well being we will often re-direct them.

A significant number of calls are silent or distressed. In these cases there may be tears with no words audible. We use this contact to reassure and affirm the person for the contact and view these calls as important as all other Helpline calls.