Some advice needed please

Ellie2008

Hi all,

I have posted in the past about this but unfortunately despite counselling etc I'm not feeling any better. In short I am consumed by guilt for my past actions these mainly relate to how I got to where I am in particular I focus on my LC and my degree, for my LC o learnt a lot of notes off for English & Irish and maybe French that I got from grinds schools, revision books, internet etc thus I feel I didn't really earn my grades. Similarly except worse in college I borrowed a lot of friends study notes and a friend wrote big chunk of two essays for me when I was about to miss a deadline. I wasn't going through college doing my best and trying to learn everything I could I was just trying to get by but still got a good degree & job. I guess all the constant talk of unemployment doesn't help but I feel like s fraud in work I wonder if I am up to the job I wonder what people would say if they knew...

Any words of wisdom or any advice at all appreciated, my counsellor is trying to put me med s but I feel you shouldn't take such things for guilt.

gerryk

I don't know if it will ease your guilt any, but few, if anyone, goes through life completely on the straight and narrow. A white lie here, an embellishment there... everyone has them.

WRT your current position? Can you do your job? If you can, then don't worry about it. I would assume that this is all in the recent past, because were it not, you would have realised that these things (leaving cert and degree) matter exactly nothing in the grand scheme of things.

If your guilt is making things difficult for you, then resolve to be as good as you can from now on... don't slack at work, don't take 'duvet days'. Don't be a yes person all the time either, or you'll be taken advantage of.

Most of all, bear in mind that you are only as good as your last success.

Taltos

OP - the only thing from you have written that I would have an issue with are the two essays - all of the rest are 100% normal stuff that most use. Study notes, grinds etc - all are used in different ways to help us get past exams.

Now for the two essays - look you and I both know that is not ideal - BUT and it is a big but - it was only TWO essays. Again if it was a lab or a workshop then getting help is totally normal. An essay to varying degrees help may sometimes be needed, granted someone writing portions is a step too far but it is a hell of a lot better than plagurising...

Could it be that you are using these things from your past to beat yourself up over something else?
It could even be stress from all of the media attention how crap this place is right now, personally I have to go days now without listening to the news or the papers as all the doom and gloom is just no good for anyone.

As the poster above said, right now you just try to move on from your past and focus on your job and career. Learn from your past mistakes, take help if needed but always credit that help.

Nothing you have listed above anyway invalidates or reduces what you have already achived - your LC and your degree - you earned both - now take a deep breath and forgive yourself for small errors in judgement.

As someone else once said - "You dun good..."

Oryx

Are you doing a good job now? Are you capable and pulling your weight? Are you an asset to your company?

If you can answer yes to those questions, then let the past go. Stuff happens, once its done whats the point in raking over it just to make yourself feel bad? You may have bent a rule or two (and it doesnt sound major tbh) to get where you are, but you are staying there on your own merit. Thats what counts.

Ickle Magoo

If you are not feeling any better, consumed with any emotion and questioning the professional advice on offer then the first thing to do is get yourself a new counsellor.

Secondly, two essays do not make a degree - if you weren't up to the job then you'd know that by now. Much of academic life is hoop jumping, you jumped through the hoops - it's what you do from now on that will dictate how successful a career you have so stop looking back and start going forward and acknowledge the reason you continue to have your job and do well in it is because you deserve to have it.

All the best you. :cool:

Beruthiel

Regret and guilt. Two empty emotions which you cannot do anything about and which will eat away at you if you allow them.

As you get older, you learn that nothing can come of feeling either of these emotions.
So, take the approach of looking back, admitting you were not proud of your actions. Acknowledge that you have learned from this behaviour and you will not be doing it again.
Finally, forgive yourself this little indiscretion as you would in someone else if they admitted the same to you.
Then, just let it go and move on, there is not a jot else you can do.

Miss Fluff

I remember your posts from before and you being consumed with obsessive and repetitive thoughts around the same issues. They are stopping you enjoying life and with the right help they should be easily enough rectified.

I'm with Ickle on this and your need to find a new counsellor. If you find your counsellor is not helping then by all means look into finding one that suits you.

However you should first establish WHY your counsellor wants to start medication. If they have diagnosed you with something like OCD or an anxiety disorder then maybe this is in fact the best route to go down for you so don't be entirely opposed to treatment "just because".....

username123

OP I dont think this is about your LC or your degree at all. This is about your brain going into an obsessive spiral, for whatever reason, and with nothing else negative to focus on its decided to focus on these perceived negative things. Its a distortion of reality.

I would think its not counselling you need but professional medical guidance.
Have you had a proper medical diagnosis? Why do you feel medication is something you shouldnt take? You say you shouldnt take it for guilt, but guilt isnt the issue, obsessive thinking is. I think you need to accept the advice you are being given by medical professionals if you want to resolve this for yourself.

Ellie2008

OP here, thank you all for your replies.

I'll give you a bit more background, otherwise I think you all are in danger of being too nice to me.

Did my LC did v well although as I mentioned had a lot of help also have a couple of memories from school where i wrote an English fiction essay based on a book I'd read and also a memory of a teacher reading out an essay on King Lear I'd based on a revision book because it was so good and actually feeling proud instead of thinking sure those ideas weren't mine.

Early college scrapped through first two years. In the next year had left a lot of the study until the last minute then freaked out and refused to do the exams twice and they let me repeat the year so clearly I got better grades then I should have and I got extra time I have a more where my hand gets very sore from a lot of writing and I have trouble writing so got a doc cert and they gave me extra time. Now I'm thinking surely this is normal why did I think I deserved extra time.

The essays make me feel really ashamed the first one my friend & I left until the last day then wrote half the essay each and tried to changes eachother s halves so we had a whole essay each, we were up all night and it didn't work ie they were top similar, so I told the lecture some fib and got an extra day. Other essay same thing left until last sec and for the exam my friend had given me get sample answers so for that particular subject didn't have to do much.

In my later training we had a seen question in an open book exam & I took in answers other people had written I failed the exam as it turned out their answer was wrong bit even still I never thought about doing it, wasn't the only person doing that.

I'm ok at my job I feel bad I'm paid well which I assume is based on the fact that I'm supposed to have all this training that I barely bothered to do.

Counsellor says I have anxiety & obsessive thoughts.

Sorry for long post and thank you and good idea about not taking diver days o don't need more guilt..

Taltos

OP - nothing you have added has changed my initial response.

You really do need to let this go.
Please do talk more to your therapist about this.

Seeking absolution on the net is not the way to go - especially as from what you have written you have summarized the experiences of many college goers. We all need help at different points in our lives and nothing you have told us about appears to be excessive. OK so you told some fibs - big deal - but were they really fibs? You did need more help.

Many of us have regrets from years ago - and if we focus on the past we end up just losing ourselves and failing to enjoy the now. I know I have been guilty of this on more than one occassion - take what your therapist has said to heart. Accept that what you did is in the past, no-one died, in no way does any of what you have written mean you don't deserve to be where you are now and happy. You just gotta let it go.

I am not trying to be nice here - I see things normally in black and white - if I thought that you had cheated in college I would be telling you so now and berating you for it as well as advising you to let go. The fact that I am not on the attack so to speak means that in my mind at least you had actually a pretty normal school and college experience...

Ickle Magoo

Ellie2008 wrote: »

Counsellor says I have anxiety & obsessive thoughts.

Given that you have posted multiple times about this on a public forum of unqualified people despite attending counselling - do you think that your qualified counsellor may have a point?

Seriously, at some stage you have look at your actions and help yourself...and repeat posting here hoping for a different result/miracle cure really isn't the answer...I think you know that.

All the best