Moro or Rolo's?

Adolescenteen

(I got lazy and never checked back in on my last post. I swear this time I will be constantly refreshing this page until you reply. So what are you waiting for?)

I was in the shop today and while I was lining up to pay for my bottle of Lucozade and chicken baguette I saw a couple of little girls in front of me with a packet of Rolo's. I instantly wanted one, so I left my position in line and searched for a packet. On my 'journey' I saw a Moro bar, I wanted that too. I was stumped, Moro or Rolos?

I had to take initiative. This wasn't like when I was young where I went back forth between choices in the hope my parents would give in and buy me both, I didn't have enough for both. So I thought about and went with the Moro bar, I hadn't had one in awhile. That and I couldn't find any Rolos, those children took the last one. Bastards.

What was the point of this story? Children are bastards. No wait that wasn't it. Hmmm..... Ah yes! I'm planning on going to college after the Leaving Cert in June. I aspire to go to UCC and do Arts (English, History, Psychology and Philosophy). Before I saw it as an advantage to be staying in my home town so I wouldn't have to leave my humble home and live rent free. However, last night I watched Miss March and while it had nothing to do with College, it got me thinking. I want to leave this country one day, but I can't expect instantly have the courage and the mental strength to move can I? For the love of Poseidon I couldn't chose between a packet of Moro or Rolo's, until I realized I didn't actually have a choice. Same with my living conditions. If I want to learn how to cook, clean and look after myself, I can't give myself a choice.

Also, I've looked forward to College for years. How much of my experience will be limited living at home? I want the whole experience. If I want to become a writer, I need to actually experience the world. I need to experience what it is like to be tight on cash, to be responsible, to experience freedom. The other day while I was on a walk, I realized that even though they were no cars on the road, people were still stuck to the sidewalk. I dunno why, but I stepped out in the middle of the road and just walked. It sounds so simple and inane, but it was rather satisfying and empowering. It was incredible. Yes, I kept checking over my shoulders just in case, and I got some galling looks from passer-ons, but screw them it was very enjoyable. Try it for yourself, next time your on a walk and theres no cars in the road, step out into the middle of it and just walk for a while.

Bollux, now I'm going to be worrying about people getting knocked down because of me.

Anyway....

While I was writing this a particular song was playing. I wonder if it's a sign that I should stay at home?

don't pluralise with an apostrophe for god's sake

pickarooney

Is this actually a story or just some observations?

Adolescenteen

pickarooney wrote: »

Is this actually a story or just some observations?

A bit of both to be honest. The whole point of the this post is acting on impulse.

PurpleBee

"For the love of Poseidon!" I liked that bit.

Adolescenteen

PurpleBee wrote: »

"For the love of Poseidon!" I liked that bit.

Thanks, sounded nice in my head so decided to throw it in.

Kinski

This piece is all over the place...if you want to become a writer, you'll need to learn to write focused pieces that have a point. In short...

Arfan

Your post reminded me of Ulysses. I hate Ulysses.

Adolescenteen

Kinski wrote: »

This piece is all over the place...if you want to become a writer, you'll need to learn to write focused pieces that have a point. In short...

Exactly, but don't you ever just get sick of always being structured? At school, work and in society in general. It's nice to just act on impulses once in a while.

But, if I was going to write a novel, article e.t.c... I wouldn't write like this.

Arfan

without wrITIng is nonsense just structure. Is thoughts in gRaMmaR nrettap in in order us to allow to ConVey inherent rEcognIsAble Order A.

CaoimH_in

Dreadful writing if I'm honest.

PurpleBee

to be honest, the negative critics in this thread make me sick, only because they are beginning from a point of utter ignorance

arfan has clearly never touched ulysses. it is the most highly structured piece of literature in the english language,

and if your after structure, a concept arfan doesnt understand, go somewhere else, this is a blog post, its not supposed to be structured!

not that I'm saying its the best thing I've ever read, but I'm judging it on its merits, as a blog post, its quite entertaining

alleystar

Ì agree with PurpleBee, on the criticism point.

If someone puts up a piece of their work you shouldn't be so blunt to label it as "dreadful". Whatever happened to constructive criticism? If you have nothing beneficial to say, don't say anything at all. You don't know what kind of affect that may have on someone.

@ adolescenteen I think you've great potential as a writer. Your style of writing reminds me of Ian O'Doherty's in the Independent.

alleystar

Ì agree with PurpleBee, on the criticism point.

If someone puts up a piece of their work you shouldn't be so blunt as to label it as "dreadful". Whatever happened to constructive criticism? If you have nothing beneficial to say, don't say anything at all. You don't know what kind of affect that may have on someone.

@ adolescenteen I think you've great potential as a writer. Your style of writing reminds me of Ian O'Doherty's in the Independent.

Adolescenteen

Woah guys, guys, guys stop fighting over me!

But seriously, I knew this piece wouldn't to be everyone's fancy. I'm fine with the criticism. If someone one wants to call this dreadful, let them call it dreadful. I used to write sports articles for amateur sports websites, I developed a thick skin with the criticism from readers there.

I'm remember reading somewhere that people can become very irritated if there isn't a definite structure. So I knew that post would get turn some people against me. But, as Brenda Ueland once said, writing honestly and expressing yourself will attract the readers you want.

I'm doing the Leaving Cert this year, so everything is built around how to write in order the best way to get marks. There isn't much room for creativity. This is a way for me just to throw paint onto a canvas.

Negative or Positive, thank you for your comments. Hope to hear more!

RoundyMooney

Good attitude, poor piece. But, rest assured, the former is far harder to come by than the latter. Keep it up, mate

From a fellow (IMO godawful) contributor, who is trying (very trying!), just like yourself.

Arfan

PurpleBee wrote: »

to be honest, the negative critics in this thread make me sick, only because they are beginning from a point of utter ignorance

arfan has clearly never touched ulysses. it is the most highly structured piece of literature in the english language,

and if your after structure, a concept arfan doesnt understand, go somewhere else, this is a blog post, its not supposed to be structured!

not that I'm saying its the best thing I've ever read, but I'm judging it on its merits, as a blog post, its quite entertaining

Sir you have insulted my honour and I demand satisfaction. Shall we say from swerve of shore to bend of bay?

What I understand is neither in the scope of this thread nor a pertinent argument.

PurpleBee

fistycuffs in the environs of howth castle never solved a literary problem!

Arfan

Aand I just realised I quoted Finnegan's Wake while trying to show off my knowledge of Ulysses.

The Mad Hatter

Arfan wrote: »

Aand I just realised I quoted Finnegan's Wake while trying to show off my knowledge of Ulysses.

Finnegans.

Arfan

The Mad Hatter wrote: »

Finnegans.

We'll now were sean bean petty.

CaoimH_in

Also grammar and syntax are different things, Arfan.

Why should I go to any lengths with criticism when it's just something they've scribbled down?

I'll take back my blunt "dreadful" remark.

P. Breathnach

alleystar wrote: »

... If someone puts up a piece of their work you shouldn't be so blunt to label it as "dreadful".... Your style of writing reminds me of Ian O'Doherty's in the Independent.

Are we to take it that you prefer the stiletto to the bludgeon?

Arfan

CaoimH_in wrote: »

Also grammar and syntax are different things, Arfan.

Why should I go to any lengths with criticism when it's just something they've scribbled down?

I'll take back my blunt "dreadful" remark.

I disagree! Syntax is a very important part of the rules of grammar.

But I'm not sure where anyone made the comparison in the first place?

hcass

Is adolescenteen the guy who wrote The MAdman - his style is very similar me thinks...

Adolescenteen

hcass wrote: »

Is adolescenteen the guy who wrote The MAdman - his style is very similar me thinks...

Nope that wasn't me who wrote that.

--Kaiser--

I was going to write a one word reply but since constructive criticism is wanted:

There is nothing in that piece that would compel me to want to read any other piece you have written

silversky

God some of you find it so easy to criticize others. It's actually funny since it's coming mostly from failed, middle-aged writers who'll probably die having achieved nothing in life, still thinking they are an undiscovered talent.