Is it too much to ask for fairness?

LegacyUser

I grew up as a child and a teenager with a sexist mother. Her life revolved around her sons and her sons only. I had to pay my way as a teenager towards the household and towards school supplies. Any summer jobs I had was spent buying books, my own school uniform, etc whereas my brothers spent their wages on socalising, holidays.

Early adulthood, working, I was happy with this situation until I reached a point and realised it was so very wrong. I came into difficulty one week due to illness and all my mother cared about was getting the rent from me to put it towards THEIR keep. I moved so fast and quick. My mother only ever saw me as a pay packet for her sons and their lifestyles.

Fast forward to winter 2011. Things fell down for me. I lost my job. I had no income waiting for SW. I had nothing. No way of paying rent. Food. Mam encouraged me to move back home. I'm so greatful for this and back home I moved in with my mother and brothers (all adults).

Slowly but surely things are picking up for me. Little by little. My dole came in two weeks ago. With the back pay I payed for heating oil for the house ignoring the debt collectors chasing me for outstanding bills. I'm not here a week and my mother is demanding rent of me. While my brothers are allowed to live free and have everything provided for them on a plate. We're all on the dole so all the same income. She doesn't care that I owe to debt collectors.

Why is she only charging me rent and not my brothers. Is it too much to ask for fairness. How would I go about discussing this with her? I thought things would have changed but all she cares about is charging me for rent and bills because I have a vagina. House is mortgage free. I wouldn't mind paying my share of bills but she has already been dropping hints about the huge ESB bill - built up when I wasn't even there.

tinkerbell

I would ask her straight out why your brothers contribute nothing. Simple as. Do not pay for that esb bill, that is crazy. If you intend on staying at home for a while, get a list of all the bills, divide them by 4 and give that amount to your mother, no more than that. Move out ASAP, your mother sees you as easy money clearly because you will just give the money to her with no fight.

curlzy

Hey OP,

Unless she's completely mad, she's well aware of how she treats you compared to your brothers. I would sit her down and lay it all out to her, how she treated you differently growing up and how she's still doing it now. However, I wouldn't hold my breathe waiting for her to change, I've met similar to your mother and they feel justified because OP at the end of the day having a penis means you must be molly coddled and mammied and you must never ever be expected to do anything.

Seriously OP, find a way to move out, it'll drive you mad if you don't.

Best of luck.

Daisy M

Your caught between a rock and a hard place. Presumably you have no where else to go and need to live at home and as its your mothers house she is the one who lays down the terms and conditions of your stay. I would offer to give her a certain amount every week regardless of how much or little your brothers pay, you are all adults you should be supporting yourselves. I would point out to your mother that she is treating you differently than your brothers and ask why. Let your mother know you can only give her the agreed amount and will have no spare cash.

Either there are quiet a few similar girls in your position on here or you have posted before. I can recall quiet a few posts along this vein in the last few months, it would be terrible to think that it is common practice for irish mothers to treat their sons better than their daughters.

Walkingstick

What do your brothers say about your situation? I'm male and the youngest of seven, four sisters and two brothers. Although both of my parents are deceased, I'm sure that in a similar situation the boys in my family would support their sister. If your brothers side with their mother, I would find a way to get of that house, it is not a healthy environment for you.

Whatever .... I wish you the best of luck and I hope that you find a job soon.