Advice on moving out

LegacyUser

I just started college in September and like most people living at home, am feeling very jealous of friends living in student accommodation, getting their own place away from parents, etc.

I have always been a very independent type and I love to do my own thing (even things like cooking and cleaning I've been doing for myself since I was about 11). I live with my grandparents, who are quite overprotective tend to underestimate how old I am. I also can't bring friends or anything over to my house as my grandparents don't really like it. This is most limiting when I want to do things like go away with friends, which is out of the question right now.

I'm just wondering what advice older people would give to me with regards to moving out. I still have four years of college left, would it be stupid to give up a free house with all food and bills paid already? I really want the freedom and feel trapped, but is it worth it? I admit I am terrified of losing all my free time, I have a lot of hobbies that I'm not sure I'd have sufficient time for with college, a job and looking after my own house/flat.

Obviously most older people in my life would be quite biased in the advice they give me so I thought I would ask here. Thanks.

solovely

Have you sat down and discussed any of this with your grandparents? Are they very old? Are your own parents on the scene at all, and able to step in on your behalf?

I lived away from home in college,and have to say it was one of the best experiences of my life. However, had I had the choice to live at home, rent free, I'm sure I would have done that. I did manage to put myself through college though with a grant and a part-time job, without any financial support from home, so it can be done. Part-time jobs are hard to come by these days.

So, before you make any decisions, I'd do a couple of things. I'd write up a list of the pros and cons so you have them on paper. Then do out a list of costs associated with living at home v with your grandparents. Figure out how many hours a week you would need to work to meet these costs. Lots of your friends are doing it by necessity, not choice, so it can be done.

Other things that may have a bearing:
How far do you live from college? Is the commute costly/ affecting your studies as much as a part time job on campus might?
Are there many part time jobs available?
How good are these friends? Will you be able to rely on them as family if your grandparents do get upset or turn away from you?
How willing are you to upset your grandparents, especially if they are elderly?

I really think before any of this, you need to sit down and have an adult chat with your grandparents. I can imagine that rearing a child (now an adult) at their stage in life was probably not something they anticipated, so they were extra protective of you and moreso than regular parents want you to be protected from any harm. They may also feel that if you walk out on them now you are showing no appreciation for the sacrifices they have made for you. I'm sure this is not the case, so you will need to reassure them of this.
See if you can make any compromises, prove to them that you are an adult in your actions. Ask can you bring a few friends over, introduce these friends to your grandparents, have tea with them, so they know they can trust you. Start staying out in friend's houses a night or two a week so that they get used to you having a grown up life of your own. If needs be, start off by saying it's to work on an assignment, then tell them it's because you have a college ball, etc.
I think you just need to let them see that the big bad world is not going to eat you up, and that they have done a good job at rearing you to be responsible.

I don't know what the story is with your parents, but perhaps they are trying to protect you from whatever meant that you ended up in their care? Just a thought....

tinkerbell

The freedom is great in college, however you need to think about how you are going to fund living away from home. And what freedom will you gain really? You might gain freedom in having people stay over at your new place whenever but you'll also lose a lot of freedom having to take up a part-time job to fund it!

Also, you say your grandparents don't want people coming over - that's understandable, they don't know any of these people, no doubt they are older, like their own space, etc. and don't want strangers invading their homes all the time. What you could do is like solovely suggested is ask if you can bring a couple of friends over for tea or whatever (don't invite too many at once) just so your grandparents can meet them and see what they are like.

saa

The grass is always greener so don't get yourself down about it or spend too much time fantasizing.
Most of my friends complain about the cold, not having enough food and aren't partying every week, you can have the best of both worlds if you stay over at a friends house when there are parties or nights out.

My advice would to be talk about how you understand they are worried about you but assure them you will take care and compromise on the conditions of having someone around are they worried about noise? a mess? girls..and there is no need to check in where you're going, what time you're coming back idk what issues youre having and just do what you want as long as its not disrespecting them.


You DO have time to look for a job if you manage your time and when you graduate employers like people who have work experience before or through college shows motivation and initiative. So yes look for a job save up and live alone for second year this might be your only chance to experience the student life, there are plenty of years to be comfortable and then for third year you can move back and focus on college preparing for 4th year also.

I just know from experience you feel like you don't have enough time for a part time job but you probably do, I got a lot less college work done when I was feeling trapped in college because I was living alone but not near any of my friends and missed out on the college lifestyle and now its too late.

Go for it!

Killed By Death

How will you support yourself OP?

You will need to pay;
Rent
Electricity
TV (cable/satellite etc)
Heating
Phone
Transport
Food
Clothes
College costs

If you are a full time student it will be difficult to afford all that on part time wages. That is if you can get a job.

Daisy M

Maybe if you can afford it you could test the water and move out for the last few months of college this year and move back in summer. That way you are giving both you and your grandparents breathing space and maybe the time they need to start seeing you as an independant young adult. Move back at the start of summer get a job and save every penny you can so you have the option again in september.

As parents/guardians it can be really hard to let go I think for most parents whos children have to move away when they start college in a different town/city the break occurs naturally. At first the child returns every weekend and holiday and as time progresses the parent sees them becoming an independant adult who has to make their own choices. Your grandparents or you arent getting that opportunity at the moment.

Feisar

You say your independent but don't want to give up hobbies etc to make time for a job. So in essence your not independent in a real world sense. Cooking a few meals isn't the same as making ends meet. I don't mean to insult you, it's just the way I see it.

I'd get a job first and see how it goes before moving out. I lived away from home like most while in college and paid my own way (registration fees/rent/bills/travel/etc). I worked 60 hours a week during the summers as a bartender and about 20 a week while in college.

I was comfortable during college and didn't have to watch the pennies too carefully for the most part.

First see if you can get a steady part time job.
Find out how much rent will be a month - keep in mind a months deposit will be required as well.
Same for bills - ask mates how much they spend on bills etc
Travel
Food, go to lidl and see what a basket of food for the week will cost.

Feisar

I see a job as being the major stumbling block these days. It was no bother for me to work the weekends at home and get loads of hours during the summer so I never really had much cash problems plus I had a great mate, we'd always sub each other if one was stuck.

Had my studying, hobbies and partying done during the week.

Also, if I could do it again I'd do it the same way. If my grandparents lived in Dublin I wouldn't have moved in with them.