Another long ex GF thread, Somebody please hear me out!

LegacyUser

Hey all,

I don't quite know what i'm really looking for here, i'm just been eaten up from the inside out with too many things on my mind & need somebody to listen & hear me out before I go utterly insane. Feels like I've nobody right now

I need advice on something I can't really talk to with any of the guys.

Last september me & the ex suddenly broke up after a good 3 years of being with eachother. It was kind of a shock to both of us. There was no real falling out. She kinda just spilled out one day while going about our usual business that we're a bit young to be tied down. Her being mid way through college & me just finished up. That she does'nt want to be tied down & restricted anymore. I naturally just agreed seeing the light in it. So went cold turkey & decided once we'd our things sorted out we'd go about our own lifes.

The next few weeks/months following were agony. I never thought it would be so hard to let anyone go. She meant the world over. We done every little thing together. I found it impossible to do anything else. Id nothing to keep me busy being done with college/unemployed & friends too busy with college/work/relationships to see me. She was on my mind 24/7.

As the weeks went on things did pick up, it was becoming easier & I had started to try move myself along, to no avail. I've had zero interest in women since.

One weekend tho, just like any other, I headed out on the town with the lads. At this stage it had been a good 2 months since we broke up/last spoken when what do you know? we're in the same club. Got talken, got drunk, got a taxi home together...

...nothing happened that night, not so much as a kiss. We stayed up all hours talking bout old times & how tough its been. Unsure of what to do, decided to just go with it & try be friends again. She missed my company, while I missed everything... but wanted to distance myself from it, yet at the same time was alone & needed someone I could talk to.

Over the course of a week we met up for tea once or twice & all was going well untill we get to the point of talkin about the seeing other people part. She brought up some names & blabbed a little, I just brushed it off & changed the subject.. I was'nt over her & it was startin to crush me hearing that in 6/7 weeks she had began to probably already move on...

..we kept up seeing eachother anyway. Only the next time it had all changed. Feelings got too strong & we just let everything out. Ended up having a fun night on the town & having a little too much, next thing I know we're back in bed having slept together.

It felt like old times, felt so right, yet so wrong.

I tried to cut contact again after returning home the next day, but could only last a few days being in such a confused state. I did'nt care.

We continued doing what we were doing for the next few weeks with mixed feelings, but it did make me slightly happier again & we were both having fun.

Now Im not so sure what to do. Shes been home for the holidays & we have'nt really been in contact since, but she will be home any day now. Before we left there was talk of MAYBE, start dating again. Not to get back into a relationship, but to date & take it slow from there.

Im really confused what to do now for a number of reason.

-She hurt me pretty bad, its taken alot to get over it & im still not quite there. Part of me just wants to move on, yet I know theres still feelings there. I dont know what kind, but theres something there.

-It hurts to think she could move on so quick. If she has. But to see others anyway.

-It kinda buggs me shes possibly dating. (Fair game since we broke up) But to me, I'm not fully over her & its on my mind.

Whatever.

I dont know if I can, or better yet, I don't know if I even want get back into anything anymore.

My mind is so confused.

What do you people think? Any advice welcome. Im not looking for an answer, just advice. Good/bad.

Thanks.

Elmidena

Hi OP, sounds quite the emotional rollercoaster *hugs*

Her seeing other people mightn't be as a date thing, it might be just a bit of fun and feeling attractive or making the most of being young. She broke up with saying being tied down that soon would be bad, so it's better off it goes out of her system before ye potentially got back together, so she wouldn't get itchy feet again. I can understand why you're hurt though, it's only human.

Before you go on the lash or whatever, in person tell her how you feel. That having sex is confusing and hurting you, and you want to know where you stand, is it all or is it nothing, and you don't want a grey area. It might mean ruling out any hope of a relationship with her (though you're not sure if you want that currently) but it'll protect your feelings and you will feel better for getting that out in the open, rather than enjoying then regretting the times you do spent together after such a long period of happiness.

Everyone heals from a relationship differently, some go on the pull that night, others sit in crying for months on end. I think her behaviour was down to her committment panic and wanting a bit of fun to take her mind off the breakup, nothing more. I could be wrong though, I don't know her or you after all! But similarly, just because you can't do something doesn't mean nobody can do it--she had a different tact, and if everyone did the same thing the world would get pretty boring pretty quickly. Instead of feeling hurt at her dates, feel pride in yourself for not doing something for an easy kiss n' cuddle off a stranger as the buff wouldn't be in your nature. But my biggest piece of advice is this: work out what you want with her before you see her, and see if her wants slot into your dreams or not. You don't want to be adding vagueness to the grey area by not being sure yourself--how can you expect her to know what she wants if you don't know what you want, y'know?

*hugs* all the best OP

Taltos

OP - in my opinion the only and best thing you can do is sever all contact.
No more hook ups, no more texts. You really really need to put that part of your life behind you.

Otherwise you are going to just feel worse and worse and will waste the next year hankering over someone who has moved on and just doesn't feel the same about you as you do about them.

Tough I know - but until you 100% drop all contact (including Facebook) you willl never start the recovery process.

den87

Hey OP, having learned from experience you are better off to cut all contact, what ye have now is just a watered down version of what ye used to have and you obviously want more.

Once you cut contact, you'll find it easier beacause by talking to her you'll pick up on little bits about what she;s getting up to and it will crush you even more.

Been in this position before and it really is head wrecking, but cutting contact will hopefully make things better for you,