A really trivial and silly question - sorry

LegacyUser

Hey Guys

I'm going to irritate all of you with this question I just know it - I'm hoping I can slightly redeem myself by saying in advance that I am aware it's quite trivial and I hope that you will understand where I am coming from.

Well, I met a guy about a month ago - I'm 30 and I've been single almost a year - almost twice that long since I had anything significant going on and I have been quite hurt in the past so I am very wary getting in to new relationships.

Anyway, this guy came along - nice, kind, slightly shy - normal guy. Well, more normal than some of my ex's.

I've always seemed to find guys who are a little obsessive....constant texting - telling me they love me after a week - obviously those guys didn't work out

This guy seems to be kinda the opposite - the more I seem to spend time with him and like him - he seems to like me too but he seems to be texting me less and less - he;s acting like he's liking me more and more and the last time I saw him was Saturday - he came over to my house with breakfast and both of us had plans for the day but we spent the entire day together in bed (not having sex - lady time) but hugging and chatting etc. He eventually left in the evening and text me as soon as he got home to say he'd a nice time, then text me later from his friends house and again when he was going to bed. I was happy out - then yesterday - I barely heard from him till last night when he msg'd me randomly to say hi and then just stopped replying mid conversation.

I've heard nothing from him at all today?

I know, I really know that I am being silly worrying about it, I never in my life remember looking at my phone so much! - I'm not losing sleep over it, If it doesn't work out I'm not going to be upset as I hardly know him yet but I'm just really not used to not exactly knowing where I stand, he's done nothing wrong, he is a very laid back person....I just wonder is this normal?

Beruthiel

If the above was written by a teenager, I could understand it.
But YOU'RE 30!!

Surely, I cannot be the only adult who thinks texting is for teenagers!?
Seriously, when I dated, I never texted!
It's not necessary. Really. It's not.
Now that ye are seeing each other, he no longer feels under pressure to be texting you every five minutes.
If you have something to say to him, phone.

LegacyUser

Beruthiel wrote: »

If the above was written by a teenager, I could understand it.
But YOU'RE 30!!

Wow....ouch

I think both of us are pretty shy, he's called me a few times but generally we message eachother. I really don't think that is that unusual when you just know someone a few weeks

Yea, we are both a little shy - i've never really run after guys, not deliberately, I'm just afraid I'll get rejected so it's hard to put myself out there. It would be a big deal for me to call him - perhaps your right and my character is fundamentally flawed because i'm 30 and i communicate with text messages

Beruthiel

You're not flawed. But you do sound a tad low in confidence.
No need to be shy at 30, you're about to enter the best decade of your life so far.

Taltos

Ah OP - don't feel bad.
Clearly at this stage in your relationship you are both just finding out how best to communicate with each other.

For those of us who are a bit older these new fangled things like mobiles and facebook just are too new to be of much use. My first mobile hung over my crib for gawd's sake...

Why not gently bring the conversation around to texting ettiquette next time you are out - just to get a feel for how he is on either over or under texting.
See - my fear is texting is without all that subtext that comes from chatting - either over the phone or face to face - it is just too easy for a humourous comment from one person to fall deadpan on the other end.

So don't stress about this now - but do talk about how you both want to stay in touch...

nlk

OP I am also 30 and ...also text!

I'm probably the wrong person to reply to this thread as I'm new to dating myself and feel like an awkward teen most of the time.

However from what you have said it sounds like you don't have anything to worry about. I would put far more weight on his actions in person than whether or not he texts you every day.

Maybe he just doesn't text a lot. I'd keep the lines of communication open from your side- text and other versions- and be warm and friendly, let him know you are interested and see how things go.

Hope it works out for you!

A19B1C12

I'm 19 and I don't really text a lot, just find that if you constantly text someone when you actually meet up with them or talk to them there will be nothing to talk about.

It's nice to make an arrangement or to check how they're getting on if you haven't talked to them in a couple of days but constantly being on their phone just doesn't suit some people and maybe he's one of them!

thefireinside

I think Beruthiel is being a bit harsh on you there, do not feel bad for stressing a bit over texting!

I'm in my late 20s and have friends my age, younger and older and texting is a big part of all our dating lives. I know exactly how you feel, I have often worried about frequency of texts and things like that!

It is early days, too early to really know how he is regarding texts, he could be thinking the same as you, not wanting to freak you out so maybe he's playing it a little cool too! The stopping mid conversation could be him falling asleep, friends calling over, getting enthralled in tv.. Both my bf and I used do that a lot early doors, we tend to finish conversations now that we're official but didnt at the start!

Don't ring him if you're not into ringing, I wouldn't dream of ringing myself and Im near your age so it's not that, i prefer texting and only talk on the phone when he rings!

Lie back and take it as it comes, don't text him a 2nd time if he hasn't text yet. I know a lot of people here wouldn't agree with that but I don't really see it as playing games, I think it gives time and space for feelings to be found.

Much luck :cool:

LegacyUser

thefireinside wrote: »

Don't ring him if you're not into ringing, I wouldn't dream of ringing myself and Im near your age so it's not that, i prefer texting and only talk on the phone when he rings!

Lie back and take it as it comes, don't text him a 2nd time if he hasn't text yet. I know a lot of people here wouldn't agree with that but I don't really see it as playing games, I think it gives time and space for feelings to be found.

Much luck :cool:

Thanks a mill, I really appreicate that! I do that too - I'll never send a text if I've sent the last one and I would always let him ring me and not the other way around (only in the early stages) it's not a concious decision, I've just always felt like that's how you do it!!

I think a huge part of my issue is me being afraid to get hurt, I'd prefer to cut my losses than be strung along by someone who didn't really give a flying fork!

Yea, lots of these posts make a lot of sense, he did actually text me there an hour ago - I'd a tooth out on Friday and he asked how it was because it's been a little sore....I suppose he wouldn't have sent that if he didn't like me back! This dating thing is so scary

LovelyLottie

I agree that texting is impersonal but these days it's not just for teenagers unfortunately, i wish it was!

The last 2 guys i've dated were texters not phoners. I don't know if this is a sign of the times, or just the way these two guys were (a bit of both i think). In the early stages it didn't bother me at all, but as the relationships developed a text instead of a call just wasn't enough for me and it started to bother me. With the first guy when i gently said i'd love more calls, he started to call more often. With the second guy he just couldn't be @rsed - so you can guess what happened there!

Sometimes if someone is not a big talker, a text is the preferable option for them. I am a big talker, so i just love a phone call!

I too am wary in relationships and usually take my lead from the guy. In the beginning, if he's ringing, i'll ring too. If he's only texting, it makes me feel a bit like i'm chasing him if i'm ringing. I suppose it's about finding a happy medium, so that both people are happy. But after you've been together a few months, I'd ring if i want to speak to the person. Texting is just for arrangements or a quick message if you can't call.

Next time, i've vowed to make it clear from the start that i'm a caller not a texter - i can't conduct my relationships over text anymore!!!

OP - good luck!

LegacyUser

It's perfectly normal to worry about texts no matter what age, it's part of dating! I'm also 30 and spend much time wondering about texting etiquette. If he likes you when he's with you then that's what matters in my opinion. You say that he's laid back, most men are. Try not read too much into it.

LegacyUser

This is all part of getting to know him. You might love anime flicks, he might hate them. You might hate chocolate, he might love chocolate. You might love texting, he might hate it. It's not a sin on his part if his texting habits are not the same as yours.

Personally, I think Facebook etc have a lot to answer for-we feel at a loss if we don't know everything about a stranger within weeks of meeting them. A pity, because the 'getting to know' stage is the best part of any relationship

LovelyLottie

youneedtorelax wrote: »

Personally, I think Facebook etc have a lot to answer for-we feel at a loss if we don't know everything about a stranger within weeks of meeting them. A pity, because the 'getting to know' stage is the best part of any relationship

I would totally agree with this. There can be too many ways of being contacted by a person! And too many ways of getting offended if someone is not contacting you via all these multiple methods!

I often wish texts and mobile phones had never been invented. Oh for the good old days when i'd come home, and my dad would have a written message for me about some boy who'd rung - the excitement

ButterflyABC

LovelyLottie wrote: »

I would totally agree with this. There can be too many ways of being contacted by a person! And too many ways of getting offended if someone is not contacting you via all these multiple methods!

I often wish texts and mobile phones had never been invented. Oh for the good old days when i'd come home, and my dad would have a written message for me about some boy who'd rung - the excitement

I HATE text messages, you never know how to take someone up. Try not to think so much about it.

I also miss the days when you would go home and find out the boy you liked had rung, was very exciting!!

BraziliaNZ

Beruthiel wrote: »

If the above was written by a teenager, I could understand it.
But YOU'RE 30!!

Surely, I cannot be the only adult who thinks texting is for teenagers!?
Seriously, when I dated, I never texted!
It's not necessary. Really. It's not.
Now that ye are seeing each other, he no longer feels under pressure to be texting you every five minutes.
If you have something to say to him, phone.

I think you are the only adult who thinks this! I'm 31 and find it a lot easier to communicate by text when you first see someone. I've gone out with girls a few year older than me who would feel the same. If you've gone out with someone only a couple of times and you're calling them for a chat etc it just seems a bit weird these days. I need to get to know someone a bit before I can chat on the phone with them without it being awkward.

Ickle Magoo

I think it depends on the person OP - some like texting and want to be texted, sometimes constantly - others find it annoying and don't really send them or appreciate constantly being sent them. Perhaps it's just he's in the latter camp?

I'd judge much more on his actions when you are together in real time, than some random message he's sent which you can't tell tone or intonation in and feel obliged to return. As long as things seem to be ticking along nicely, I'd put your expectation of texting down to the clingies you've suffered previously and just enjoy the fact he's not one of them!

All the best. :cool:

ButterflyABC

Ughannoyed wrote: »

Hey Guys

I'm going to irritate all of you with this question I just know it - I'm hoping I can slightly redeem myself by saying in advance that I am aware it's quite trivial and I hope that you will understand where I am coming from.

Well, I met a guy about a month ago - I'm 30 and I've been single almost a year - almost twice that long since I had anything significant going on and I have been quite hurt in the past so I am very wary getting in to new relationships.

Anyway, this guy came along - nice, kind, slightly shy - normal guy. Well, more normal than some of my ex's.

I've always seemed to find guys who are a little obsessive....constant texting - telling me they love me after a week - obviously those guys didn't work out

This guy seems to be kinda the opposite - the more I seem to spend time with him and like him - he seems to like me too but he seems to be texting me less and less - he;s acting like he's liking me more and more and the last time I saw him was Saturday - he came over to my house with breakfast and both of us had plans for the day but we spent the entire day together in bed (not having sex - lady time) but hugging and chatting etc. He eventually left in the evening and text me as soon as he got home to say he'd a nice time, then text me later from his friends house and again when he was going to bed. I was happy out - then yesterday - I barely heard from him till last night when he msg'd me randomly to say hi and then just stopped replying mid conversation.

I've heard nothing from him at all today?

I know, I really know that I am being silly worrying about it, I never in my life remember looking at my phone so much! - I'm not losing sleep over it, If it doesn't work out I'm not going to be upset as I hardly know him yet but I'm just really not used to not exactly knowing where I stand, he's done nothing wrong, he is a very laid back person....I just wonder is this normal?

If you are spendin Saturday's together in bed chatting etc and enjoying the time you spend together then I don't see what the problem is! Who cares if he's not texting you all the time, he probably doesn't feel the need to text you so much since you are spending time together.

MagicSean

Does he work or have other commitments that might prevent him from replying all the time?