Online Dating Woe

LegacyUser

I'm a guy that is in his mid-20s and last week I had a date with this amazing girl - it wasn't a normal date, we went over to her house and hung out, where I ended up staying the night and we kissed and cuddled into the early hours of the morning. The only thing is that she went through a pretty messy break up a few months ago and isn't sure what she wants, just yet. After our date I sent her a message on the site we met on, just asking if she would like to do something next week, just saying that if she decided she didn't want to then it would be fine and to just think about it. It was phrased badly and she thought I meant this Saturday just passed, so she sent me a text saying that she had friends down, so I replied just clarifying that I meant next week. There hasn't been a reply yet. I do see her pop up on the website sometimes, so I'm not sure if I should try and make contact on there, idle chit-chat, or just leave her be.

Contemplating texting her on Friday just asking if she's made up her mind or not. It's a pity because I'm very attracted to her and she is one of the women I would be interested in. The impression I was getting on our date is that she was interested in me and attracted to me too .. so I'm not entirely sure what to do. My first reaction would be to make contact again.

Beruthiel

Online-Dating wrote: »

Contemplating texting her on Friday just asking if she's made up her mind or not.

Personally, I prefer the up front approach.

Texting is for teenagers.
Phone her tomorrow or the next day and ask her out to dinner.
She will either say yes or no, either way, you'll have your answer.

LegacyUser

Beruthiel wrote: »

Personally, I prefer the up front approach.

Texting is for teenagers.
Phone her tomorrow or the next day and ask her out to dinner.
She will either say yes or no, either way, you'll have your answer.

But would that not come across as too eager though? I'd feel like I was putting her in a really awkward position, which I really don't want to do.

LegacyUser

Actually, you're right. I'll call her on Friday evening, just to check. I texted her yesterday asking what movies she likes, in case she wants to come out to mine. There hasn't been a reply yet, but I'm beginning to think she's not much of a texter so I'm just going to wait. Worried that if I did it any sooner, she'd think I was coming across as too eager and would be put off by it.

Beruthiel

Online-Dating wrote: »

But would that not come across as too eager though?

I come from a time before texting existed. If someone wanted to ask you out, they phoned you up.
I see texting as a useful tool for letting someone know you'll be late or whatever.

But for asking someone out on a date, if you cannot phone me up and have an actual conversation with me, I'd wonder about you.
I just find it juvenile.

btw - if you want to meet up next weekend, calling her on a Friday is too late. She will have made other plans.

LegacyUser

I would hope that she doesn't make plans, more-so seeing as I asked her if she would like to do something this weekend last Friday. I figured I was best off giving her time to think about it and mull it over. Guess I just don't want to call her too soon in case it comes across as being overly eager. My normal approach would be to just make contact, but from receiving advice from friends, they keep telling me to take it easy and be more laid back.

Beruthiel

Online-Dating wrote: »

My normal approach would be to just make contact, but from receiving advice from friends, they keep telling me to take it easy and be more laid back.

Game playing. I detest it.
You know what, if she likes you, making contact is not going to put her off either way.
What would put me off though, is someone waiting two weeks to make a second date because of game playing.

Don't play games. The way I see it, if she is actually interested in you, she will say yes.
If she is not interested, what was all the game playing and being 'laid back' for?

LegacyUser

I wouldn't consider it to be gameplaying, as such. The main reason I'm waiting a few days is so that she can make up her mind whether or not she is interested in me. But you're right, I absolutely detest this and the whole "game playing" business. If I like somebody, I usually just go for it. I know she'll be busy today, as she's just back to work, and I'll be busy later myself, so I'll call her tomorrow/Wednesday. You're completely right. In fact, the fact that everything is up in the air is somewhat bothering me, though I understand totally where she's coming from, so it's not too much.

fluffybiscuits

Beruthiel wrote: »

Personally, I prefer the up front approach.

Texting is for teenagers.
Phone her tomorrow or the next day and ask her out to dinner.
She will either say yes or no, either way, you'll have your answer.

Its nice to know Im not the only one who feels this way! Text message is very impersonal. Talking is the way forward OP, she probably might be worried that you are gone off her! Sincerely wish you all the best mate !

fluffybiscuits

Online-Dating wrote: »

I wouldn't consider it to be gameplaying, as such. The main reason I'm waiting a few days is so that she can make up her mind whether or not she is interested in me. But you're right, I absolutely detest this and the whole "game playing" business. If I like somebody, I usually just go for it. I know she'll be busy today, as she's just back to work, and I'll be busy later myself, so I'll call her tomorrow/Wednesday. You're completely right. In fact, the fact that everything is up in the air is somewhat bothering me, though I understand totally where she's coming from, so it's not too much.

Boy likes girl.
Boy goes on date with girl.
Boy recieves mixed messages.
Boy asks again.
Answer is yes or no!

Straight foward! All this crap of playing it cool and all that ****e is off the wall. There is the thing of not crowding her but that is something different all together which you are not doing. Just ask her out!