Urgently need help

LegacyUser

Hi All,

I could really use some advice on this. It's come to a head, and the decision I make within the next week will change my life forever.

Christmas two years ago - I started dataing a girl. We work during the week in different sides of the country, so it was a long distance relationship. I thought the conversation was forced, and we didn;t have much in common. It lasted two months, and we finished it amicably and as friends.

Four months later, (June 2010) we got back together. Maybe because both of us were lonely, and we got on so well. We really had a good time, and went a few holidays together. It was great, but I was always thinking that we weren't clicking as much as a couple should.

A year later (June 2011) and we are still not seeing each other during the week, only a weekends. I'm starting to think that we should call it off. I talk to her about the doubts I'm having. She get's upset and I don;t suggest we break up - we agree that what we have is worth trying for - and we will give it another while.

Some month laters (August 2011) - one weekend I am not seing her. I call her on the Saturday to break up. We both get really update. After the call, I start crying. I'm in bits. I panic, and ring her back three hours later, begging her to take me back. I tell her I will move in with her. She does take me back - but we have another conversation the next day, and I tell her how I paniced, and we should hold off on moving in together.

We decide to put the problems aside during christmas, so we can enjoy ourselves. I live with her for the two weeks over christmas, and we have a great time (but the relationship problems are constantly an elephant in the room). We agree to look at it again in the new year.

I care more about this girl than anyone I know. I only want could things for her. I have been to a pshcologist over the last few months, and he agrees that I do have love for her. He says I'm afraid of being completely intimate with someone, but I'm not sure if that is the case.

She says she can't go on, unless she knows that I'm serious about our future. My head keeps telling me to break up, because we're not as suited to each other as I think a couple should be. But when I think about breaking up, I get upset, because I know I'll never see her again and I'll miss her. And all I want is for her to be happy.

I need to figure this out within the next week. So far I'm stuck. Surely moving in with someone should be something you want to do? I've never had a serious relationship before, so I'm not sure how to deal with my feelings.

Is it possible to fall in love with somone that you think isn't right for you??

Help!

silly

Ask yourself 2 questions. Write down the answer yes or no immediately.

Can I see myself spending the rest of my life with her?

Can I see myself spending the rest of my life without her?

Elmidena

Have you ever been in love before this girl? Are you wondering if you don't feel clicked from past experience, or from how the movies would have you believe?

Lollipops23

Urgently need help wrote: »

Hi All,

I could really use some advice on this. It's come to a head, and the decision I make within the next week will change my life forever.

Christmas two years ago - I started dataing a girl. We work during the week in different sides of the country, so it was a long distance relationship. I thought the conversation was forced, and we didn;t have much in common. It lasted two months, and we finished it amicably and as friends.

Four months later, (June 2010) we got back together. Maybe because both of us were lonely, and we got on so well. We really had a good time, and went a few holidays together. It was great, but I was always thinking that we weren't clicking as much as a couple should.

A year later (June 2011) and we are still not seeing each other during the week, only a weekends. I'm starting to think that we should call it off. I talk to her about the doubts I'm having. She get's upset and I don;t suggest we break up - we agree that what we have is worth trying for - and we will give it another while.

Some month laters (August 2011) - one weekend I am not seing her. I call her on the Saturday to break up. We both get really update. After the call, I start crying. I'm in bits. I panic, and ring her back three hours later, begging her to take me back. I tell her I will move in with her. She does take me back - but we have another conversation the next day, and I tell her how I paniced, and we should hold off on moving in together.

We decide to put the problems aside during christmas, so we can enjoy ourselves. I live with her for the two weeks over christmas, and we have a great time (but the relationship problems are constantly an elephant in the room). We agree to look at it again in the new year.

I care more about this girl than anyone I know. I only want could things for her. I have been to a pshcologist over the last few months, and he agrees that I do have love for her. He says I'm afraid of being completely intimate with someone, but I'm not sure if that is the case.

She says she can't go on, unless she knows that I'm serious about our future. My head keeps telling me to break up, because we're not as suited to each other as I think a couple should be. But when I think about breaking up, I get upset, because I know I'll never see her again and I'll miss her. And all I want is for her to be happy.

I need to figure this out within the next week. So far I'm stuck. Surely moving in with someone should be something you want to do? I've never had a serious relationship before, so I'm not sure how to deal with my feelings.

Is it possible to fall in love with somone that you think isn't right for you??

Help!

OP it seems you've gotten very caught up in what a relationship "should" be- I'm interested in what you feel that is. Couples don't always get on, they bicker, disagree etc. You're not meant to be sunshine and happiness all the time.

I do believe that you need to make a call very soon, this girl has been letting you waltz in and out of her life at your whim. I reckon you panicked after breaking up because she like a security blanket to you and you felt like you'd lost that (also, breaking up over the phone is rarely advisable).

Man up and make a decision- if you're only staying with her out of fear/anxiety she deserves a lot better.