He Doesn't Seem to Get the Message

LegacyUser

I'm not sure if this belongs in the general personal issues or the relationship one because my problem isn't quite about a relationship...

Anyway.. I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years at the end of october and I went out with this guy twice about 6 weeks ago (because I thought I had moved on from my ex, although I see now that was not the case!) and in the end when he asked me on a third date I said no as politely as I possibly could because I really didn't want to hurt his feelings as he was very nice. I told him that I now realised that I didn't really want to be in a relationship at the moment and I wasn't quite ready to move on yet.

He said that that was ok and he would always be there for me to talk if I wanted or if I had a problem and I politely thanked him and thought that that would be the end of it. That was not the case. About a week later he texted me asking me how I was and I unintentionally didn't reply (I meant to say something later but completely forgot). Then about a week later he texted me the exact same thing and asked me why I hadn't replied to the previous text. I replied by saying I was sorry but I didn't want to get involved with anyone else at the moment.

Now again about 2 weeks later he messaged me on facebook asking how I was.

The guy is spanish and there was a language barrier but I would have thought by now he would have got the message that I am not interested. I really don't know what to do.. I've never been in this situation before and I ignored the facebook message but received a text later saying... do I want to talk?

Could someone give me some advice on what to do? I wasn't under the impression at all that I was leading him on or hinted to him in any way that I was interested in him after the second date.

The problem is that he is a friend of some of my friends so I will occasionally see him at parties, etc. And I'm afraid that it will be terribly awkward if I continue to ignore his texts and attempts to talk to me.

Should I be ignoring him because I thought I had made it very clear several times that I wasnted interested?

Any advice on what to do?

thanks.

LegacyUser

This is one place you may be best lying to cut all unwanted contact without hurting his feelings. Provided you are unlikely to run into him - tell him you are getting back with your ex and he doesn't want you to talk to other guys you went on dates with during your time apart and out of respect you must delete him on FB - say you enjoyed all the times ye met up but think its best not to continue the friendship.

Kevster

Heya,

Whilst it is your life and you have every right to ignore his messages/approaches, I do understand the fact that you have common friends. It is important to realise, however, that no concrete decision has ro be made on this, at least not yet.

For example, you don't have to say: 'I will NEVER contact him again in any shape or form'. The idea of permanency abourt such a statement is preocupying. Instead, I suggest that you continue to ignore his message, or at least delay in responding and then only give a very short or curt reply.

I think that trying to see his perspective is beneficial too. For eample, it sounds like he is fully-prepared for a relationship and has been eagerly looking for one. You, on the other hand, are in a 'transitional' period. The language/culture difference most likely is playing a difference too, albeit slight. I speak Spanish, fluently, and dated a girl from Argentina (I lived there for a while too).

Ultimately, remember this: It's your life and you call the shots. Make the decisions that are going to make you feel most comfortale and happy.

Take care
Kevin

The Lovely Muffin

Hi OP,

Personally, if I was you, I would ask him to stop contacting you as it's making you uncomfortable, if he doesn't listen and continues to contact you, you could block his number from texting/ringing you, block him on Facebook etc.

Good luck OP.

sunnymar

I think ignoring someone is brutal. If the shoe was on the other foot think how rotten it is waiting for a reply. Bluntly, but politely say "i do not see us as ever being anything more than friends" (if you havent been that clear before) and then in future if he emails you replh with something so flat, one sided and boring that there is nothing left to say in response.

saa

Irritated&Confused wrote: »

Should I be ignoring him because I thought I had made it very clear several times that I wasnted interested?


thanks.

You have already taken the try to tell him you're not interested route 5 times too many honey just don't stress about this, its going to be awkward either way because you tried to date and it didn't work out.

Interacting with him will only give him hope do not answer any messages and eventually he will stop and if he doesn't (even though he has gotten no replies) he will be harassing you and I was in that situation and got one of my male friends to message him and say back off but it probably wont have to come to that but it just ended up that whatever I said came off as a glimmer of hope or me playing hard to get.
He'll move on, and if he doesn't its best off staying well away no contact is my opinion, even if you run into him play it cool like there is no issue and avoid.