Opinions please...

fran38

I have been seeing a foreign national for the last two years. It has got serious and marriage was loosely discussed. She's employed as a cleaner and renting a house. I'm a homeowner (but I don't know for how long as I've lost my job). The 'plan' was to move into my home, marry and continue on with our lives. Just the other day, she mentioned that she feels uneasy about marriage as she feels that as her job is menial, recession etc , she might be better off in her own country. The decision on her part to actually return home is someway off I think as she's maintaining her adult children in foreign colleges. Her home country's economy is in worse shape than here so the chance of getting a job there is non existent. . She owns an apartment outright back home.
Question is, do I continue seeing her or do we part for the betterment of both of our futures. We are both in our 40's. I'm sure you may want more details before giving an opinion so just ask..
Thank you.

I am a friend

Do you love her?

Neyite

Any chance that her adult children are worried that you would be legally entitled as a spouse to either half (or all in the event of her death) the apartment she owns in her own country and have tried put their mother off the idea of marriage?

That would be my guess.

fran38

Yes I do love her very much. But if the endgame involves her moving home and thereby ending our relationship, I'd rather have that discussion now.
Whilst the adult children advising their mum on the consequences of marriage is a bit far fetched, nothing is impossible in this life. So, you never know...

Big Bag of Chips

If you love her very much and have no job here, and she would be moving home because she thinks she would be better off there... what's stopping you going with her?

fran38

I don't speak her native language, her country is worse off than Ireland job wise. I wouldn't be able to get social welfare as the rules over there are very prohibitive, the rates are very low anyway. Even less than the cost of living which is cheap (children's allowance is 11 Euro a child per month)
I know, I know, I'll have posters saying "well, if you love her...". But the practicalities of moving are so weighted in the negative.

muracan

I it was my case I would not move to her country,especially when you own your home.
Sorry to be blunt, but have you become less attractive to her since you became unemployed?
If not, why not suggest that she take a trip home for a month and it will give you both a chance to assess your feelings etc.
Good luck!

Phuckitt

Why not rent out your home here and move over there for 6 months, try to learn the language. Your still a young man (I try tell myself that too lol). And anyway lifes too short

fran38

I've thought about going over for a look at how things are on the ground over there. There will be a lot of organising things this side if I do ie: will I be entitled to soc welfare on my return as the norm now is to grill Irish residents returning home after a sustained amount of time overseas to the habitual residency act., what happens to my mortgage interest supplement and other stuff I haven't thought about...
My gf is from a port town in Latvia. About 200 kilometres from Riga. No English is spoken there, Latvian and Russian are dialects spoken. Little or no jobs as her son said on returning for a visit "the town square is empty, no one about. It's a ghost town".

fran38

I've told her that I need to protect myself in all of this. She either commit to living here/ to our relationship or it's off. Coz I'm not gonna hang around 'till she goes home.

Big Bag of Chips

Seems like a very dramatic ultimatum, but if it's what your happiest with, then I hope it works out (either way) for you.