Partner has kid from previous relationship

miss2012

should I get involved with some one that has a kid

Nuttzz

In my opinion (dons flak jacket ) I'd wouldnt start getting involved with someone else's kid at 22.

You say yourself you want to travel so I'll make a leap here and assume its Australia or NZ so do you think your boyfriend is going to go through a court battle for access and then travel off on a WHV for a year?

I dont think you are being selfish but you need to decide now do you want to be involved in this child's life?

At 22 you have time on your side, you have plenty of time to think about kids and marriage etc and my advice would be not to tie yourself down now, you get 1 crack at this life, its not a dress rehearsal...

tinkerbell

OP, if you expect people to read your post then I suggest you use paragraphs and proper punctuation, your post is very difficult to read - I gave up half way through.

If you want to travel you should travel, your bf can presumably travel too - you say he's no rights to the child so he can easily go travelling for a little while at least?

miss2012

No he can't go Iv known that from day one he very involved with the child just that his name is not on the birthcert and she could stop him seeing his son.
I just think that I want to do stuff and because of his situation if I stay I'll miss out.
Im starting to think it was a bad idea to get involved with someone with so much baggage so young. I'd be happy to stay with him but go and travel which he is supportive of but other people think that it's very selfish of me to leave him behind.

Elmidena

The goal to travel is yours, the kid ain't. Don't put your life on hold for someone else, especially when you were so excluded for so long. The kid'll ALWAYS come first to him, so you should have a think what implications that could have in the future. Fair enough he can't travel, but does this mean he can't go on holiday at any point lest he loses access etc? I think you'd be best off staying cool for the time being; the courts could get sticky and that could be more stress and misery on your plate which you neither deserve nor need. He's fine with you travelling by yourself, so what does anyone else's opinion matter? Do what makes YOU feel happy, and then if it was meant to be it'll work out when you get back, and if it wasn't you still have the best part of your 20s to forge your identity

Big Bag of Chips

Take the child out of the equation for a minute..

Basically, you want to go travelling.. yes? And I take it your bf doesn't?

It's then up to you to decide whether or not you go travelling without him. There is no reason that you couldn't go travelling, and then come back and resume your relationship, if it's what you both still want.

You don't have a responsiblity to the child, even if you DID see him every day/week, whatever. So if you want to travel for 6 months, 12 months, a 2 week holiday... whatever you want, then the child cannot be used, by you or your bf as a reason not to do it.

It's hard being involved with someone else's child, especially when you are young, and don't have/want children yet, yourself. But it doesn't have to be a huge issue. Your decisions that you make should be between you and your bf, and how you feel about HIM... not about the child.