Any words of advice greatly appreciated

anon8619

I'm not really sure which forum this truly belongs to, but maybe someone here could help anyway. I am a 25 year old female who has completely lost the will to live. I don't mean that I am suicidal; I just don't want to live anymore. My feelings of not belonging and a sense of incompetency in jobs that I have had, combined with numerous broken friendships and apparent inability to maintain a relationship (I am straight) have led to agoraphobia and complete apathy re. friends, family and self-maintenance. I would describe myself as 'bright', yet the results of which I feel I am capable have always escaped me, during academic courses in the past (BA and Dip in Aesthetics and Body Therapy). This, I feel, is the obstacle that affects me the most, as I have always felt that I had more to give, but couldn't seem to find a way. I'm aware this post will probably come across to most as being whingy, but to be honest, I've gone past the point of worrying about negativity; what I would really appreciate is some feedback from people who could offer some words of support for a fellow human who, at the moment, is floundering in life.

Mzzz.use421

I have been diagnosed with bi polar manic depression since i was 15. I am 35 and i have gone through the gambit of emotions. Sometimes when i feel useless and worthless and unlovable i force myself to tell myself out loud that goddammit i am lovable. Depression and loosing hope is when you should just grasp that little shred of love stowed away. Maybe you have great hair or a contagious laugh or the ability to reach out and actually ask another for some help. The three most difficult words for humans to say. "I need help"
I love you. You do belong. You are a beautiful example of someone who just needs to be loved. We all do.
Please give yourself a hug >>

gypsy_rose

Hi Anon,
I wish I knew your name so I could address you properly.

Now, you are the only person here who truly knows what is going on in your head, I understand that, but you are not alone in sometimes wondering what the point in life is, or what the point in living for any longer is.

But there is always a point in living. Maybe it's a bad patch you're going through, or maybe you've felt like this for a while. But there's always something to live for.

Even if they're just stupid things in what has been a very ****ty day/ week. I always find that even at this time of year a walk does so much good. As cheesy as it sounds, the world is a beautiful place and there are always things to see and do. Please don't be so hard on yourself, I don't know you, obviously, but you sound like an intelligent and sensitive woman and your writing shows a degree of methodology and thought that is an uncommon trait from what I see.

Sometimes we go through phases in life where strong friendships, or any friendships for that matter, are few, and we feel alone. This will not last forever. I think talking to your family again would not hurt, even if you have had a falling out of late, they are your family and they love you, and would miss you if you were gone. If you haven't had proper social interaction for a while it can make you a bit rusty with people (I was advised on this situation by a friend of mine who has many close relationships and couldn't even imagine her feeling lonely.)

Everyone is a lot stronger than they believe, and no matter how many friends or boyfriends you've had, everyone in the end has themselves only, strong people have other people to rely on, but in the end they must count on themselves to live the fullest life. What I'm trying to say here, as stupid as it sounds, is that you're your own best friend first (and sometimes worst enemy.)

Something I always live by when I'm feeling down is that happiness is made, not found. Keep going, it will be alright in the end. If you still feel like this in a month a bit of counselling may not go amiss. There is nothing wrong with seeing someone to help sort out your thoughts. Sorry for the rambling post, I hope it made some sense. Be good to yourself x

Kevster

Heya,

There is always a way back from a set of problems, but it will take some time and conscious effort to do so. It might help to list-out each particular problem that you feel exists in your life right now, prioritise them, and then think of solutions to each. While you deal with each, ignore the others. Looking at all problems at once can make life seem daunting.

So, try to see this as a point where you have to re-direct your life, as opposed to seeing it as you facing an insurmountable brick wall. I'm aware that, when life becomes 'stale', suicidal thoughts can manifest themselves in your mind, but there is still much life in you to be lived.

Regarding relationships: a romance will come when the time is right (but obviously do'nt just rely on 'fate' to bring you and the other person together!); while friendships, like romances, are broken and formed throughout life. I'm sure that you still have a set of friends with whom you can confide in about anything (right?). Perhaps trying to maintain a large group of friends is too difficult right now, but it's important to maintain some forem of contact with those closest to you. Indeed, seek help and advice from these people too. There is no necessity to face any of your problems alone...

Take care and best of luck
Kevin

LegacyUser

You have to see this as any other medical issue - and I think not having a will to live is a serious enough medical issue. Personally I would seek professional help. You would if it was a broken knee, so why not when you're feeling like this?

You don't give us that much information, so it's hard to be more specific. But I think you have to make a decision to change. Do you excercise? The hormones that creates within us can really help lift a mood. As for your professional issues, we usually feel we are worse than we are. Do you have hobbies and interests that can keep you busy? I think you need to make a plan to ensure that you are in a better place next year. Where do you want to be and what do you have to do to achieve that. And I don't mean be an astronaught by next year, even just to have three good friends you can rely on.

Be at peace

gypsy_rose

I'm worried about you OP, please answer?

LollieB

Dear Anon,

I really hope that you are ok. I had to answer your post. A few years ago I could have written your post word for word. I didn't think I'd reach 25yrs of age to be honest, but I did. On my 25th birthday I scheduled an appointment for a therapist and I haven't looked back.

I'm 28 now and still see a therapist now and again. I still have feelings of inadequacy from time to time, I'm currently at a point in my life where I'm between friends- I've outgrown some old friends, some friends are abroad and have lost touch other acquaintances due to hectic work schedules etc. That's all normal. I felt that I was a 'fraud' for doing well in college despite not doing the work I 'should' have done. I had been in my job for 4years and felt like I could do nothing else. I've yet to have a serious relationship.

But, through therapy, I've found a safe, non-judgemental place to discuss how I feel and work towards being less harsh and judgemental on myself. I've never really felt loved or valued and never had much respect for myself. I felt weak, pathetic, ugly and unloveable.

But these are just perceptions of ourselves that we create when we are growing up for whatever reasons. But they are not the truth. You are most definitely a loveable, smart person who deserves to be treated well by herself and others. With a lot of hard work over the past few years, I believe that I am a kind, loving person who has a lot more confidence and independence than I ever thought possible.

I treat myself better than ever now re. diet, exercise and just giving myself a break. I'm not the perfect friend, daughter or employee but no one else is either! I often wondered what the point of life was and I was suicidal to the point where I made a serious attempt on my life. I often still wonder what the point of my life is but I don't have any answers. I just want you to know that you are definitely not alone in feeling this way.

Find something that you love to do- write stories, sing, dance, take photos...anything. Go for walks, take cooking lessons or jewellery making classes. I always tell people that I have no obvious talents (it's true, I'm not really good at anything) but as long as I'm having fun doing something, I don't give a sh*t!

Please, plese speak to your GP or find a therapist/counsellor. You wrote this post which means you want someone to hear you & you want some supportive words back. You aren't whinging and you deserve to feel better.

Take care of yourself xx