Worried about the future

LegacyUser

I'm a 20 y/o male and I'm very down about life and my future prospects.

I'm in 3rd year of a science degree. I wasn't incredibly enthusiastic going into the course because it wasn't really what I wanted to do; it was on the bottom of my CAO form. I continued with it anyway, my parents were very against me repeating the LC. I was always fairly good in school but around the time of the LC in 2009 I don't know what happened to me, I lost an incredible amount of motivation.

I passed first year of college with a 2.1 which was okay, but my grades plummeted in second year. I failed the first semester of second year and just about managed to pass the year (just about) owing to harder work in the second semester.

Now at the beginning of third year I was doing alright, until about two months ago. The exams this semester didn't go too well at all. I thought I could pass them, but I left everything to the last minute. I don't think I passed them at all. The results are out in under two weeks. If I don't pass 3rd year I won't be allowed to continue on with the rest of my degree (4 year degree). I'll have nothing. Nobody will employ me with because of such terrible qualifications, terrible grades and zero work experience.

I have made zero friends in my time at college, I've always had a problem making friends ever since I was in secondary school. I spend most of my time alone. I don't or go out partying or anything like that. In fact I was only out once or twice in my time at college so far. I don't have friends outside college either. I am a social retard.

I feel extremely inadequate. I watch everyone else my age getting on in life; good grades, work, getting internships, lots of friends, relationships, etc., yet I'm stuck in this pit that I can't seem to escape from. I feel sick just thinking about my life so I drown out the thoughts just listening to music or spending time browsing around the internet. I've created my own little bubble. Anytime I look outside this little bubble of mine I get incredibly depressed.

I don't have a job, never had a job really, still living at home relying on the parents. I've tried a lot over the summer and now during the Christmas holidays to get a job. I've been doing that since I started college. I send CVs out all the time but no-one seems to be interested because of my lack of work experience. I feel like a worthless parasite. I hate it, I want to be productive. I want to be independent. I want to do something with my life but it seems I've thrown all my opportunities away. I don't deserve anything, to be quite honest. I come from a really hard working family and I say they really look down at me like a failure. In hindsight, I am a failure.

I just really hate it all. I don't know what to.

username123

Broadly I agree with sunflowers comment above, but would like to address individual points here.

worried_about_future wrote: »

I'm a 20 y/o male and I'm very down about life and my future prospects.

At 20, you really dont need to worry too much about your life or prospects (its good to think about these things though), you have plenty of time to get it together and find your path in life. I know it seems overwhelming now, but believe me, better to figure it out young, than go on into your 40s not liking what youre doing.

worried_about_future wrote: »

I'm in 3rd year of a science degree. I wasn't incredibly enthusiastic going into the course because it wasn't really what I wanted to do; it was on the bottom of my CAO form. I continued with it anyway, my parents were very against me repeating the LC. I was always fairly good in school but around the time of the LC in 2009 I don't know what happened to me, I lost an incredible amount of motivation.

I passed first year of college with a 2.1 which was okay, but my grades plummeted in second year. I failed the first semester of second year and just about managed to pass the year (just about) owing to harder work in the second semester.

Now at the beginning of third year I was doing alright, until about two months ago. The exams this semester didn't go too well at all. I thought I could pass them, but I left everything to the last minute. I don't think I passed them at all. The results are out in under two weeks. If I don't pass 3rd year I won't be allowed to continue on with the rest of my degree (4 year degree). I'll have nothing. Nobody will employ me with because of such terrible qualifications, terrible grades and zero work experience.

ok - clearly youre not really into your science degree. Thats ok you know. Plenty of people discover they dont like their degrees some time in. Your parents made a BIG mistake imo, Ive seen it time and time again where they insist the child goes to college to do whatever and disregards the childs wishes, and then they end up with a child who doesnt finish the degree, or who becomes very depressed due to guilt and not enjoying what they are doing, or sometimes, who throws in the towel and just sits around on the dole with zero motivation. Its your life. If you dont like your science degree, stop doing it. Repeat the LC if you want, its totally up to you.

I deliberately highlighted a bit there, at 20 it is irrelevant whether or not you have a degree in terms of looking for work, most 20 year olds do not have degrees, and a large number do not have great LC qualifications either. The way this country is at the moment there are people with PhDs who cannot find work. So stop worrying about that. No one except you cares about your grades or lack of work experience.

What I believe would serve you better is to figure out what it is you want to be doing. It doesnt have to be something academic either. What do you want to do for work for your life? Have a long think about that.

worried_about_future wrote: »

I have made zero friends in my time at college, I've always had a problem making friends ever since I was in secondary school. I spend most of my time alone. I don't or go out partying or anything like that. In fact I was only out once or twice in my time at college so far. I don't have friends outside college either. I am a social retard.

You can work on your social skills, youre not the first and wont be the last loner in this world. Some people are massively sociable, some less so - its ok to be less sociable, whats important is that you are happy with who you are. If you want to be more sociable then there are things you can do to improve that like joining clubs and sports and mixing more generally. Thats something that can be changed by your will alone.

worried_about_future wrote: »

I feel extremely inadequate. I watch everyone else my age getting on in life; good grades, work, getting internships, lots of friends, relationships, etc., yet I'm stuck in this pit that I can't seem to escape from. I feel sick just thinking about my life so I drown out the thoughts just listening to music or spending time browsing around the internet. I've created my own little bubble. Anytime I look outside this little bubble of mine I get incredibly depressed.

Youre NOT inadequate. You know that when youre down about something then everything can seem bad? Thats all thats happening here.

worried_about_future wrote: »

I don't have a job, never had a job really, still living at home relying on the parents. I've tried a lot over the summer and now during the Christmas holidays to get a job. I've been doing that since I started college. I send CVs out all the time but no-one seems to be interested because of my lack of work experience. I feel like a worthless parasite. I hate it, I want to be productive. I want to be independent. I want to do something with my life but it seems I've thrown all my opportunities away. I don't deserve anything, to be quite honest. I come from a really hard working family and I say they really look down at me like a failure. In hindsight, I am a failure.

Welcome to Ireland in 2012. The bubble burst in 2007 when you were 16. Chances of getting a job have been going downhill ever since. Even as I type this there are less jobs in this country. Ive been made redundant, my husband has been made redundant. Its nothing to do with lack of work experience that you cant get a job, there are thousands like you, its just the economic situation. Stop taking it personally.

worried_about_future wrote: »

I just really hate it all. I don't know what to.

Ok, heres what I think you should do.

Think about what you want to do with your life.
Take steps to achieve that - so if you want to ditch the science degree and apply for a different degree - then do it.
Think about other options outside of a degree - a trade, a couple of years travelling the world, jobs in different countries etc...
Think about how to improve your social skills - clubs etc...

Above all, remember that you are 20. There is time to get it all together and figure things out. Dont worry about things.

p

As the others have said, you're only 20, you definitely can't consider yourself a failure. You had a bad run in the LC, and you've ended up on a course you didn't like. That's tough, but it's not setting your life in stone.

Where are you studying? Did you join any clubs or societies? It's fine that you're not socially great, you're still relatively young. But you do have a choice, which is either put up with it or change it.

When I was in school I was very shy, socially unconfident etc... a few things really changed that. One, I got a job in a shop where I had to talk to the customers regularly, which slowly helped me be more open, Secondly, I got involved a lot of societies in university. That way I had a shared interest with people, and made plenty of friends through that and came out of my shell. It will require effort on your side, you'll need to put the work in, but I guarantee you if you start saying yes to things, and doing things you wouldn't normally try, then the world will slowly open up to you.

Also, as a general tip, keep your head up, and make an effort to smile more often than you do now. You'll be surprised how much of a difference that makes.