Cost of Church Wedding

CurranBun

Hi Everyone,
We have booked out wedding for this coming December. We would both like a church wedding but after some discussions with a few friends we are lead to believe that it would be aprox €1000 after payment to the Church, Priest, Alter Boys etc etc..

Does this sound right?
I dont want to go and book the church and then cancel on them due to costs... but i would not like to be spending that much on the ceremony when we could have a Civil Service in our hotel at allot less...

If anyone could shed any light, would be much appreciated.

lazygal

We didn't marry in a church but our local church charges €500 for the use of the church, plus a €200 donation as well as donations to sacristans etc. So its a hefty price. It's always booked up for weddings though as its in a popular location and a beautiful building. If you want a church wedding you have to pay for it!

Sleepy

You also have to factor in the cost of the pre-marriage course, any paperwork the parishes you've lived in over the years will charge you to "release" you to marry in another church etc.

Obscenely expensive for an obscenely wealthy organisation.

silly

We gave our priest €200 and the sacretant €50.
We were not required to psy anything towards the church, maybe because it was a church within the parish that we both lived all our lives. We would both be putting roughly €400 a yr into the collection box anyway at weekly mass!

€1000 is unreal and IMO totally unreasonable.

seamus

€1,000? Not a chance.

We paid €500 for the church and most people considered that expensive, but what the wife wants...

Priest asked for and got nothing, though we did offer to pay for his room in the hotel, he couldn't stay that night as he had an early appointment the next day. If you want to have altar boys, I don't see why you'd give them more than a tenner each "tip".

lazygal

Just to add, anyone I know who had a church wedding said there are always additional costs you don't realise. These costs can include paying for an organist even if you're not using him or her, a requirement to leave any flowers in the church after the ceremony, premarriage courses, fees for prenuptual inquiries and the issuing of certs for baptism and confirmation. There is also the need to comply with music rules (a lot of churches will have specific music which is allowed).

Also, you make serious promises in church weddings, such as the Catholic promise to raised children catholic and have a catholic ethos in your marriage. These are promises you shouldn't be making if you're not going to follow through on. Don't have a church wedding just for the sake of it, consider whether it reflects how your marriage will be.

Toto Wolfcastle

Ours has cost us the price of the pre-marriage course so far. We didn't have to pay for certs, we don't have to pay to use the church, we can take our flowers with us although I'm not sure we will and there is no need to pay the organist. Not sure about the pre-nuptial enquiry yet. We will give the priest something. Regardless, if we were to have a civil ceremony we would have had it in the hotel and it would have cost us €1000 to hire a room for it.

There is a cost associate with a church wedding. Some seem to be a hell of a lot more expensive than others. However, if someone wants a church wedding then they will have to pay for it. It's the same as everything else for a wedding. If you really want the €3000 dress then you will pay for it. You can get one much cheaper elsewhere but it all comes down to what your priorities are.

There's no way a church wedding should cost €1000 though. That's ridiculous.

Sleepy

Any hotels I've talked to about our own wedding so far will give you the ceremony room for a civil service free of charge once you're having your reception there.

I'd understand a hotel requesting a couple of hundred for rental of such a function room to cover the costs of staff setting the room up for you etc. but anything more than that and they're off our list of possible venues tbh.

TheDriver

I agree, if you want a church wedding, then you must pay for it. Some churches cost a lot alright such as Honan in Cork or Gougane Barra but thats because they have no income other than weddings and in fairness they are expensive old buildings. I always find it comical that people have no problem spending a fortune on a hotel and other things but of course the church should be free.
Remember the priest does all the paperwork, enquiries etc for you so its not just the few mins on the day. The music is whatever you want to pay to be honest and the sacristan gets everything ready, remember most of these are voluntary and hence if you don't donate, then they are working for free for you! And believe you me, I have done this for a while and met a good free demanding brides who wants stuff put here there and everywhere and think we deserve nothing to put up with it.
Lastly, I have seen a lot of wedding march into the church, dump the existing flowers for their own, clean the place out afterwards and leave it in a sorry state.
If you want a church wedding, you must 1) pay for it 2) respect it 3) agree to the procedures.

Sleepy

4) Actually be a Catholic ?

I'm not religious myself but the number of people I know who self-identify as Catholic because their parents had them baptised as such who have no regard for the teachings of the Church, believe it's fine to be A-la-Carte about it's teachings (e.g. don't believe in transubstantiation), don't have much of an understanding of the faith (e.g. would think Jesus was the Immaculate Conception etc.) and get insulted if you point out that their beliefs more closely mirror those of a protestant faith is utterly ridiculous.

I think the beauty of some of the Catholic churches is one of the few things keeping them alive as an organisation in Ireland: so many brides want to be married in a beautiful building and their husbands want them to have the wedding they want that they're quite happy to marry there, contribute towards the organisation and then go live their lives as they see fit (often quite contrarily to the vows they've made or the beliefs they've espoused to hold in order to marry in the pretty building).

TheDriver

I agree, its comical how many do think they can be catholic for the day. Also remember if you want a Sat wedding, you need the church even more and most don't want to upset their parents even though most parents would backbite and be very unchristian the minute they step outside Mass anyways

Jelly2

Just a few things to add, based on our being married in a catholic church in 2010...
It was my old parish church, and we were not asked for a penny. We gave a donation in thanks for the use of the church - E120, and the priest seemed perfectly happy. We didn't have altar servers so no charge there. We organised our own organist, who was a family friend, and gave her a present (not particularly expensive, as she would have been embarrassed!). We gave the sacristan E20 and a thank you note, and we have no reason to think he was unhappy with these. We paid nothing at all for religious certificates of any kind, only the state charged us for these kind of things! We also did not have to do a marriage course, although we were encouraged to do so, so there was no charge there (Ferns diocese does not follow the regulation reqquiring the completion of a course).
Also, it is not the case that you have to promise to raise your children as catholic - we had a mixed marriage, and the priest explained that we should promise to raise our children in the faith that best protects the union of our marriage, and that the old uncompromising stance had been abandoned. Therefore, if decisions about the children's faith were going to raise difficulties and bring disputes, then we must make the decision that would prevent this. If that meant that some or all were not brought up catholic, then so be it.

Sleepy

Jelly2 - are you sure the priest is still a Catholic?! By the religion's doctrine he has no right to deviate from the Vatican...

Jelly2

Sleepy wrote: »

Jelly2 - are you sure the priest is still a Catholic?! By the religion's doctrine he has no right to deviate from the Vatican...

I presume you are referring to the children issue? Well, he is still a serving pp, that is all I know! And we took him at his word. If he had insisted on the opposite, we would have gotten married in the local protestant church.

JustAddWater

Sleepy wrote: »

You also have to factor in the cost of the pre-marriage course, any paperwork the parishes you've lived in over the years will charge you to "release" you to marry in another church etc.

Obscenely expensive for an obscenely wealthy organisation.

And the cost of flowers for the church, which, cant be taken with you after!

Sleepy

TheDriver wrote: »

if you want a Sat wedding, you need the church even more

Not if you're prepared to do the legwork, sure the HSE are as lazy and incompetent in their celebrants as they are at virtually everything else but there are other options (Tom Colton & the Spiritualists etc.) and, with any luck, there should be even more by the end of the year (as Humanist cermonies become legally binding )

Jelly2

Sleepy wrote: »

Jelly2 - are you sure the priest is still a Catholic?! By the religion's doctrine he has no right to deviate from the Vatican...

I recall that the pp said that the catholic should seek as far as possible that the children should be brought up catholic but that if this meant that the union would be damaged or broken, it would be a step too far. He emphasised that the marriage union between the couple was primary. I think that the church's own emphasis on 'as far as possible' seems to give him the ability to have this understanding.

Clare Bear

We are getting married in a church that isn't either of our parishes and we don't know the priest. It's 200 euro for the church and 50 euro for the priest. Very reasonable in my opinion, most churches are 500 euro around here if you're not from the parish. We don't have to pay for an organist or anything like that either. We're both Catholics, if we weren't we wouldn't be getting married in a church but I think 1,000 euro for the church is crazy.

CurranBun

Thanks for all the repsonces
Seems to be mixed views on actual cost.
Dont get me wrong I understand and respect WHY there is a charge, and agree there shoulld be a charge, however its the How Much that concerns me as some churches seem allot more than others - as this thread clearly shows.
It is my future husbands parish, and where both our own sets of parents got married, all the children in his family so far have been christened etc.
We are meeting with the priest in the coming days and i will gather a sence of the costs then....
Fingers crossed its not up near the €1000 mark, as hotel have offered to host the service fully decorated etc for free...
I will let you all know once i meet with him.

deelite

My friend got charged for heating in the Church and also there was an option if she wanted the red carpet which was extra. I think there were other things as well but I can't think at the moment.

Acoshla

deelite wrote: »

My friend got charged for heating in the Church

Well yes, if the church needed to be heated on the day that's fair enough.

watna

Ours is costing us nothing, although it is not a Catholic church. We're going to make a donation to the church though, although they haven't asked for a penny and we'll leave the flowers there. Some of the ladies of the church are going to do some decorating and the verger will be there to set up the church and things. We'll get them thank you gifts and invite them to the church service and the evening part of the reception as they're also friends of the family.

No pre-marriage course is necessary although we did have a ten minute conversation with the minister who has bent over backwards to accommodate my fiance who is a different religion (and not a christian one)

1000EUR to the church, regardless of its persuasion, is disgraceful, of course shouldn't get it for free and it's nice to make a donation but to be told what to pay and what it's for just seems off to me -not very welcoming or something.

We are having a blessing in my fiance's religion at a later date too and the priest for that ceremony is charging a fortune - apparently they're all on the take and it's well known you just have to pay what they ask so it happens worldwide

Sleepy

If anyone ever doubts that organised religions are big business, pay a visit to the Vatican. The vulgarity of the wealth on display is stomach churning.

You'd swear they'd never heard any of the teachings of the very man they claim to worship. :rolleyes:

prettygurrly

Sleepy wrote: »

If anyone ever doubts that organised religions are big business, pay a visit to the Vatican. The vulgarity of the wealth on display is stomach churning.

You'd swear they'd never heard any of the teachings of the very man they claim to worship. :rolleyes:

hear hear...had a good day looking at all the pretty pictures though.

thoroughly agree with taking a church wedding seriously and not just being catholic for the day...not catholic myself and now i'm fairly agnostic so wont be getting married in my own church either, that makes me a little sad. had always thought i'd get married by my rector or someone like him. but sure, if i'm not totally committed to my baptismal faith then it's hardly fair to have a wedding there.

angeldelight

We're getting married in the Unitarian Church on Stephen's Green in September, and have to pay 800 euro for the privilege. But we don't mind, for us it is a privilege to get married there, somewhere so perfect for us in terms of appearance/location and most importantly ethos.

Also when you think about what you're spending on the rest of the wedding, this is really the most important part of the day so in the grand scheme of things, in my opinion, it's not that dear

Sara.a

angeldelight wrote: »

We're getting married in the Unitarian Church on Stephen's Green in September, and have to pay 800 euro for the privilege. But we don't mind, for us it is a privilege to get married there, somewhere so perfect for us in terms of appearance/location and most importantly ethos

Myself and my partner have been planning to get married in the Unitarian church for almost two years, since we were first engaged. Having two children, and neither of us being particularly religious, we understood that it was open to everyone regardless of beliefs etc. so felt it would be the perfect solution for us. After a visit today however we have changed our minds. We could not have felt more unwelcome! The minister made us feel like an inconvenience, one she could have done without

I don't see how I can look forward to sharing one of the most important occasions of my life with her, let alone hand over €800 for the pleasure! Did you have a similar experience and perhaps chose to overlook it? I'm beginning to think it might be personal!

msnd

We got married in a Catholic Church. We gave the priest 200 and a dinner (he was great though and travelled to the rehearsal the night before- then went home to do Friday night Mass and back again the next day) and the sacrastin 50 (also fantastic the church was roasting and she bent over backwards to accommodate us and tidy up after us). All these costs were by choice though it was not requested.

This was a church where I grew up( not living there now though) so they waived a 350 fee that they apply to others who are not local but want a picturesque location.

We did not have altar servers. We paid 20 for a pre nuptial enquiry with our local priest. Our diocese did not require a pre marriage course and we did not feel that we needed to do one after all this time together.

So to summarise the church part cost us 370 and if they had been stickier about how local I was it could have been 720!