Feeling So Low

LegacyUser

For the last number of months, probably more or less a year at this stage, i've been feeling so down in myself. The last couple of months have been awful though, a randomly cry and dont know why, driving to work especially a burst into tears. I dont really go out anymore and would much rather sit at home in my pjs with the dogs than do anything. I get paranoid people are watching me or listening to my conversations aswel, like they've planted cameras in my home and everywhere i go. It took the biscuit a week ago when i was in tesco and started to panic thinking a woman was following me, after 'losing' her through the isles i stopped and thought, 'what the hell am i at?' I know i sound stupid but i dont know whats going on

A few years ago i felt like this but never told anyone, it was worse back then though i think, i mean i couldnt even stand in a que without panicking, i used to self harm and i think it stopped me living my life in a way - i was afraid to go to college in a different town to study what i wanted, i cant really describe it other than as constant anxiety, feeling depressed and paranoid

For months I've felt myself slipping back, but i tried so hard to fight it, of coarse it was going to win though I probably should have realised something was wrong when i dropped to 6st 9 for two years, that's not normal is it?! i don't know anymore i just feel so confused and keep thinking things over and over and over.

My fiance and a friend made me go to the doctor a couple of weeks ago, i only told her i was feeling down and used to self harm and that i want to do it again. She took my bloods and i have to go back to her on monday. Im scared though i don't know how to tell her everything, just that im feeling low, but that's only part of it.

Ive been of work over christmas because of how im feeling but went back yesterday. It was an awful day, i cried on the way there, wanted to just keep driving. Somehow delt with everyone asking how i am, did i have a good xmas....blah blah blah, i dont know how i got through, and i have to do a stupid 10-9 day tomorrow and a 12 hr shift saturday, i just want to fall into a big black hole.


I really dont know why im posting here, i think i just want to write it all out, but i havent even done that right, its just so hard to describe, i dont know

Beruthiel

Sinking321 wrote: »

Im scared though i don't know how to tell her everything

Write it down?
Tell her you have difficulty saying it out loud and could she read what you've written.
Your doctor is there to help and s/he cannot do that if you do not give them every detail.
Do you care enough about yourself to get the correct help?

neemish

Hi OP,

Fair play to you for being brave enough to post. It's not easy to say these things, even when writing them.

I agree with the previous posters - make a list of what you would like to say to the doctor and bring it with you. I have depression and do it all the time! The first few times I felt a bit silly, but now it helps because I know I won't come home and say, I should have said this or that. It also helps to have something to focus on, and a piece of paper to hold on to.


It sounds like you have a lot going on right now. You deserve to feel better than this. There are people who can help and this doctor sounds like the first one to talk to. If you need to see her sooner, don't wait.