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A family Matter

  • 04-01-2012 11:33am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all, going unreg for this one!

    I usually think that posts like these answer themselves. That writing everything down helps you answer your problem. But this is the third time I've written this problem down (once in an e-mail to my friend out of the country and once in a letter for my OH that I burned) and I'm still no closer to an answer!

    I'm seeing a guy for around 6 months now, things are going great! I'm mad about him. We see each other a good bit our friends get on well we hardly ever row, we get on with each others friends and we're talking about moving in together... but we haven't met each other's family! That doesn't really bother me at all. The thing that does bother me is that he doesn't want to meet my Dad...ever! He cannot stand him. We live in a small town and we knew of each other for years. My OH does work in the locality and would have come into passing contact with my Dad and he just doesn't like him. He refuses to give him a second chance. My Dad is very important to me and I always thought that my Dad and the man I'd settle down with would get on well together, play golf or go to matches or something like that together! I always thought they'd at least be able to talk to each other. My OH knows how much these means to me but he has an issue with my Dad and will not and cannot get over it.

    What do I do? We're a very close family! I don't think I could marry someone and have their kids if they didn't speak to my Dad or want him in my OH's life. The other thing is if what my OH said is true and not just paranoia I'm not sure I like the side of my Dad I'm being exposed to! I may be over reacting! I mean I might never even settle down with this guy, I would like to but it may not be for us! Who knows but it does bother me that he won't give him another chance! Should I stay with him and hope that things die down; should I stay with him and force him to meet my Dad; or should I break up with him now before it causes problems (my parents aren't aware of any of this)!

    Thanks for reading everyone!


Comments

  • #2
    MissFlitworth
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,057 ✭✭✭MissFlitworth


    Does he have a good reason to not like your dad or is it just a baseless/'started when I was younger, no idea why, but not changing my mind' dislike?

    If it was a good reason, like if your Dad had done something to this person or their family in the past then I'd try and be open minded about him not wanting to meet your dad. But you'd have to accept that having a partner who will not meet your dad, and probably by extension your whole family, is going to cause you serious grief over the years. It's early on but if you had kids would he have a problem with them being around your dad? If you got married would he stop your dad being at your wedding?

    Howevery, if he only has a rubbish reason for disliking your dad and won't make an effort to get over it. (and for me that would include petty spats in the past etc.) he would be getting his p45 if I were you.


  • #3
    LittleBook
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,716 ✭✭✭LittleBook


    ReallyBothered wrote: »
    My OH does work in the locality and would have come into passing contact with my Dad and he just doesn't like him.
    ...
    The other thing is if what my OH said is true and not just paranoia I'm not sure I like the side of my Dad I'm being exposed to!

    It's hard to know without having an idea of what your Dad's supposed to have done (or indeed his side of the story, it may simply be your boyfriend's "paranoia") but it would need to be something pretty bad to make me chose my boyfriend of 6 months over my family and my future as part of that family.

    He sounds quite stubborn and separating you from your family is a big no-no!!

    You say you're talking about moving in with him (although you also say you might never settle down with this guy) so if I was you I would make it clear to him that my family is part of my future and if he wants to be too then we need to sort this out/get past it. I wouldn't even consider moving in with someone who would not have my father into our home.


  • #4
    tannytantans
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 302 ✭✭tannytantans


    You're going to have to have a very serious chat with your boyfriend. Where does he see your relationship going if he won't speak to an important member of your family?What would he do on your wedding day?!Ignore your father?!Or if you had kids? If he thinks ye have a future long term then he has to accept that he will need to speak to your father at some stage.


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