How to approach this...

cruais

Hi everyone,

Really need some advice.

So we are getting married in 6 months and at the time we got engaged, we said that we would have both parents pay for whoever they want to bring and we pay for our friends.

My dad has now approached me and said he would like to pay for the wedding. I'm the youngest. I said it was not going to happen but he insisted and to be honest with you, he is a very proud man. So there is no getting around him.

I told my o/h what the situation was and he said absolutely no way, as my dad is retired etc, but on the other hand my dad is adamant.

How do you propose I get around my o/h with this matter?

Thanks a million.

nowyouresix

It is a great thing your Dad wants to do this for you, but if you're so uncomfortable with it then talk to him and maybe you can compromise.

Good luck.

tannytantans

I agree on a compromise - maybe your dad could pay for your dress/flowers/band/honeymoon. That way he's still contributing to a major part of the day.

It's a lovely thing that your dad's offering to do for you and even though he's retired he could have been putting money aside for this for years and he could be quite upset if you refuse.

cruais

Thanks for the advice. Without coming across as selfish and money grabbing, I'm happy now my dad is paying. He is quite old fashioned in that sense (he saved to pay for my sister wedding). If he's happy, well then I'm happy.

It's just really how to approach my other half and get it into his head (nicely) that my dad is paying....

tannytantans

Have you explained to your other half that your dad paid for your sisters wedding too? I'd just reiterate that it's something that your dad really wants to do for ye and that he'd be upset/offended if ye refused.

Maybe your dad would even have a word with him to reassure him that he wants to pay and doesn't feel forced into it.

Also be sure to let your fiance know what the money you'll be saving could go toward - brilliant honeymoon, doing up the house etc.

Big Bag of Chips

Tell your OH that that is your parent's wedding present to you. And if you're father insists on it, even of your bf has the best of intentions, it will come across as ungrateful if he refuses the gift.

Maybe as a thank you to your dad, you and your OH could by him a nice present... weekend away, new golf clubs etc, whatever it is he likes.

I know as an "adult child" where your OH is coming from, wanting to show that you are capable of looking after yourselves, but I can also see from a parent's point of view how you want to do this for your child.

The Lovely Muffin

I am probably alone in this, but I would agree with your fiancée, if he wants to pay for your wedding yourselves, your dad should accept that and not force your fiancée into letting him pay for the wedding.

Personally if I was getting married, I would want myself and my fiancée to pay for everything.

It's nice that your dad did it for your sister and now wants to do it for you - but really, you shouldn't force it upon your fiancée if it will make him unhappy.

I agree with others - maybe your dad could pay for some parts of the wedding, such as the dresses, flowers, church, band etc.

Chinafoot

Purple_Bobbin wrote: »

I am probably alone in this, but I would agree with your fiancée, if he wants to pay for your wedding yourselves, your dad should accept that and not force your fiancée into letting him pay for the wedding.

Personally if I was getting married, I would want myself and my fiancée to pay for everything.

It's nice that your dad did it for your sister and now wants to do it for you - but really, you shouldn't force it upon your fiancée if it will make him unhappy.

I agree with others - maybe your dad could pay for some parts of the wedding, such as the dresses, flowers, church, band etc.

I totally agree with this.

You mentioned compromise OP and tbh I think the initial plan of having your parents pay for who they want to invite would have been it.

As others have said, if your father is insisting then let him pay for your dress but paying for the whole thing when you know how uncomfortable your partner would be is very unfair. Personally I would hate for my partners family to do something like that. I'd want to start my married life as an adult, paying my own way and not indebted to my new husbands father.

I don't think you should be trying to get around your partner. You should listen to and understand his concerns and reach some sort of compromise. That's what marriage is all about.