Need to get back on my feet again

LegacyUser

Hi, Im looking for some advice.

I cant go into the details, but Ive just got out of a very painful situation with a man. To say he has broken my heart is an understatement. He has used me, lied to me, abused me verbally, ignored me, sent me drunken texts and never met any promise he ever made.
Needless to say I fell hopelessly in love with him. His most recent text to me has basically said friendship is over, he doesnt want the hassle anymore, I stupidly begged to be friends with him still, he commented on how Id feel if he were in a relationship, ect and all that. I got the jist of it anyway that he really didnt want to remain friends and contact so I promptly said I respect your wishes and good luck.

I now realise what was I even asking him to remain friends for, when he has treated me so badly. and even there he was scorning me and not wanting to remain friends which says a lot about how he feels about me.

How do I get over this and him. I know he was bad news and that I made a lucky escape. but I feel destroyed by this. its been going on for nearly two years. I believed this guys lies, his sob stories everytime something went wrong. and Im not totally blaming him. I should have said goodbye a long time ago but I didnt stick to it.

my problem is Ive lost my job recently, and all my friends are far away. I only see them every month or so, and thats going to become even more infequent as Ive very little money left to travel, go out ect. Im only 21 so right now I feel really lost.

the thing is I dont feel like I have any worth right now. I invested so much into this guy and feel my own being is gone. before this man. I went out with a guy, who also let me down terribly. everything with him seemed really rosy and he dumped me out of the blue. I dont really seem to have much luck with guys at all. I really dont want to be single for ever. But right now how I could even talk to them, I dont know. I just feel nervous and unsure of myself. Im very chatty, and passionate about things usually, but I feel like biting my lip at this stage as Im not sure what to say or do.

Id appreciate any advice thanks

nowyouresix

You're only 21! You should be enjoying your life and developing yourself more as a person. You will find someone yet. Be patient, and be good to yourself. You are worth more than being treated like that. Establish your boundaries, and be true to yourself! Focus on yourself for a while, allow your heart to breathe.

Best of luck.

Molloys Clondalkin

younglady! wrote: »

I stupidly begged to be friends with him still, he commented on how Id feel if he were in a relationship, ect and all that.

Hi op
could you elaborate on this line were you in a relationship with someone else? or was it that you wanted to be friends but not be able to deal with things if he met someone else.?

I recently went through something similar where my ex and I got back she wanted to be just friends but not have me see anyone else and get as much affection off me as she could without us having sex.
Needless to say shes an ex for a reason and out of my life now.

LegacyUser

OP here. the awful thing is Im crying everyday for the last two weeks. I think Im exhausted as well. it's been a long and painful road with this guy. And the horrible part is. He does not care what he has done or that Im suffering for it. In fact his most recent messages to me, after I deleted his number were that this "friendship" could never work and its over, whilst telling me he was sick of my nonsense. Deep down Im glad its over, but the nastiness and coldness after everything I

I wish I had never met him. I know life is full of experiences and we learn from it. But I feel terribly alone and sad because of this. Im terrified that my life has come to a standstill and being at home all the time s driving me crazy and I havent the resources or money right now to leave or do anything at all.

my job kept me going too and working towards my goal. Saving to go back to the city and study again. the worst part is, this man has managed to make me out to be the nutjob and Ive even apologised in recent days for losing the cool with him over his actions and asked him to be friends which he refused.

Ive done a complete U turn on this, diminished myself and let him know its me who is the problem. Im so sad and down, I cant even explain what its done to me.

LegacyUser

OP here, Sunflower thank you so much.
I really hope I can come back from this. its been a nightmare for me. your story sounds familiar, this man I was involved with, was selfish and everything was on his terms. and that meant always coming back to me when he needed emotional support or felt down. And when I did, the next day ect, he would turn cold and act like I was nothing. I think what hurt the most was how nasty he was after everything.

Onwards and upwards I guess. I truly hope things pick up for me. Im far too young to feel this miserable and yet I dont know where to start. there doesnt seem to be anything out there job wise.

Molloys Clondalkin

Hey op
My ex was like that always on her terms and an answer for everything.
The one thing you have is your age your young you will meet a lot of other people in your life, Just remember to steer clear of the ones who wont compromise.

Now start doing the things you like save get a second job etc join clubs and relax its a new year so make it one of what you want to do not what someone else dictates.

Elmidena

Hi OP,
I know it seems like the end of the world and everything's gone horribly wrong, but once you are given the chance to heal up you really will benefit from this; you're young and smart enough to avoid this in the future!

I experienced something similar around about when I was your age, and it also went on for a couple of years. In the past few years he has tried to contact me or booty called or whatever but I've snubbed his advances every time; I was never good enough for him at the time, and I'm not that person hung up on him anymore. I was wondering what was wrong with me, that everyone didn't want a future with me or let me believe they did until something better or funnier or whatever came along, and in the end I realised that it's not me, it's him. I was trying to be who other people wanted me to be and keep the peace, and when I took a time out (aged 22) I fell in love and am still with him nearly four years later. The exes hurt and I felt a fool for a long time and had no confidence etc, but it made everything so much different when love came along.

My recommendation is this: take a time out like I did. Have zero interest in relationships and whatnot and focus on developing yourself; if you meet someone on the way then great but sincerely, focus on loving yourself. You said you're normally passionate, take up an interest and immerse yourself in it. It doesn't have to be expensive; join a book club, or take lots of pictures, or doodle, or play chess/darts/something social. You'll meet people with an interest and it should make the month between seeing your friends seem closer than they are, and you'll find your feet in no time