Family Relationships!!

vernie

Hi all,

I'm new to this, but was looking for advice on a family matter!

I come from a (previously very happy) family of 4. My mother and father split after 16 years, when we were 14, 13, 11 & 7. We were all sad that it happened, but we gradually learned to cope with it, and my mother did a great job of raising us all and putting us through school, college etc. I know it's a cliche, but my mother is a great person. She was told 5 years ago that she had breast cancer, which she thankfully overcame relatively quickly. We all love our mum and get on great with her, but the problem is, she met a man, who has a serious alcohol and smoking addiction. He takes over the house the whole of Christmas and anytime the family are home. We are all very clean and don't smoke, and only drink on occasion, but he is a chain smoker and drinks every night, starting as early as 3pm. We have tried for the past few years to tolerate him, but it's gotten to be more and more embarrassing as time goes on. She is an extremely popular woman, in her work, socially and in every respect. He has very few friends and his family are not in contact with him. He is not an attractive man, and my mum is an attractive woman. She works very hard, as a full time nurse. He is unemployed. He talks down to her and anyone who tries to converse with him, can only tolerate him for so long. When he goes to any of our family functions, he is the butt of every joke and the laughing stock, which is so awkward for us. I know none of our extended family mean any harm to any of us, because they love us all, but it is just so embarrassing, and at this stage all relationships within the family are hugely strained - all her sisters / brothers won't say anything to her (which they all would love to) because anytime anyone has tried to say anything, she shuns them in order to defend him. None of them want to lose her friendship, so they 'bite their lip' (with great difficulty, especially for her closest sisters) We, her children are at a loss as to know what to do. We really need to know what is the best approach, who should be the one to say something?? At the end of the day, no one person is worth losing your entire family for, especially not this man!! Please help :mad:

Neyite

If she is happy, and it sounds like she is, I'd leave well enough alone.

You are all adults now and she can choose to spend her time with whoever she chooses. Even if he has bad habits and is the butt of all your jokes and the laughing stock of your family (which by the way is out of order. He is your mothers partner, and therefore part of your family whether you like it or not)

We dont get to pre-approve our familiys choices of partner. There is one in our family that the rest of us dont get along with but we have to respect that our family member loves them and its for keeps. Family gatherings are not always easy, but we make the effort, not because we like the person, but because we love our family member and want them to be happy.