Bad Experience

LegacyUser · 03-01-2012 2:22pm #1

Sorry in advance for adding to the negative threads here. I just want to post because I can't really talk to anyone about this.

Two nights ago I met a guy for a one night stand. It was supposed to be casual. He forced himself on me, he was much stronger than I am. He had sex with me without a condom.

I was fretting the morning after, I don't think I've ever been as sick with worry. I read a thread here about a guy who was penetrated without a condom, so I decided to go to the hospital. I went to the emergency department. The staff were so so lovely. They gave me a hep B vaccine and started me on PEP in case of HIV infection. I also spoke to the social worker. The whole time they kept me in a room by myself, which was so much appreciated because I could not face seeing people.

I feel kind of traumatized. Even if the staff were lovely, it was an awful and scary experience. I told them I did not want to go the Guards. Really, I just could not face that. I'm going back in two days for a check up.

I've deleted my profile where I met the guy. It has put me off that whole world. I've always been safe, but it was just too scary.

I'm just posting here because I feel like I'm kind of letting go of things. I also wanted to thank this board. I know it's just the internet, but honestly if I had not read that thread I would not have known what PEP was.

LegacyUser · 03-01-2012 3:18pm

Also I'd just like to ask if anyone has experience taking PEP? I read that the side-effects can be quite severe.

Annasopra · 03-01-2012 3:26pm

Ok

I think you either need to goto the guards or a rape crisis centre

You can find a rape crisis centre here

http://www.rcni.ie/rape-crisis-centres.aspx

There is a list of LGBT liaison officers here as well

http://www.garda.ie/Documents/User/current%20elo%20lgbt%20list%20-%2014.10.11.pdf

LGiamani · 03-01-2012 3:35pm

Bad Experience wrote: »

Sorry in advance for adding to the negative threads here. I just want to post because I can't really talk to anyone about this.

Two nights ago I met a guy for a one night stand. It was supposed to be casual. He forced himself on me, he was much stronger than I am. He had sex with me without a condom.

I was fretting the morning after, I don't think I've ever been as sick with worry. I read a thread here about a guy who was penetrated without a condom, so I decided to go to the hospital. I went to the emergency department. The staff were so so lovely. They gave me a hep B vaccine and started me on PEP in case of HIV infection. I also spoke to the social worker. The whole time they kept me in a room by myself, which was so much appreciated because I could not face seeing people.

I feel kind of traumatized. Even if the staff were lovely, it was an awful and scary experience. I told them I did not want to go the Guards. Really, I just could not face that. I'm going back in two days for a check up.

I've deleted my profile where I met the guy. It has put me off that whole world. I've always been safe, but it was just too scary.

I'm just posting here because I feel like I'm kind of letting go of things. I also wanted to thank this board. I know it's just the internet, but honestly if I had not read that thread I would not have known what PEP was.

Op you need to report this to the guards this guy has committed a crime and need to be punished.

Annasopra · 03-01-2012 3:37pm

I think the guards also have a drop in service in Outhouse still

Maybe ring outhouse and ask about it

Zillah · 03-01-2012 3:37pm

You really should go to the guards, and sooner rather than later. If the guy has an account on the website then it really should be very easy to catch him. The people who operate the site would have every reason to cooperate, the last thing they want is to be seen to be protecting someone like that. If nothing else, think about the fact that he is likely to do something like this again.

That has to be a horrifying experience, very sorry to hear it.

Kadent · 03-01-2012 3:42pm

Op I can understand that you might not want to go to the Gaurds right now but do contact RCC and talk to someone.

floggg · 03-01-2012 3:47pm

OP firstly for your own safety you should consider talking to the Rape Crisis Centre as I'm sure they'd be a big help.

Secondly, for the safety of others I would urge you to consider talking to the Gardaí. As others have said, he may well do this again.

Remember you did nothing wrong here and have nothing to be ashamed of. It could happen to any of us. Reporting this shouldn't be seen in any way as a sign of weakness, it's a sign of great strength.

Conor30 · 03-01-2012 3:57pm

@ Bad Experience - my heart goes out to you.

I just want to echo all the other posters on here who said you should seriously consider taking it further to the rape crisis centre and/or guards. Even if only to stop the b$%&^*d from doing it to someone else. Don't blame yourself - it wasn't your fault.

I have to hand it to you, how well you dealt with it all. You were wise enough to go straight to the hospital and explain to them what happened. That must have been difficult to do, in itself - having to explain to someone in the hatch roughly what happened and the possibility of others behind you listening.

Solair · 03-01-2012 4:19pm

That's a terrible thing to have happened!

Just stumbed across this thread on the boards.ie homepage.

Definitely go to the RCC. They're experts at dealing with these types of situations from a practical and a psychological point of view.

Also, don't feel in the least bit worried or embarrassed about going to the Gardai. They're quite progressive, more so than many people would think.

Nobody of any sexual orientation would be anything other than very sympathetic to your situation and very concerned that the guy who attacked you might be a serial offender. He should be behind bars!

Keep any details you might have, particularly his phone number and username on that site.

He can be tracked down. Mobile phones are not untraceable and signals can be triangulated to get locations!

Be strong and whatever you do, just know that you'll always have good support!!

Raghallaigh · 03-01-2012 5:11pm

Hi OP, might I suggest that if you're not up to reporting it to the Gardai just yet that you have the time recorded by Gay Switchboard in the recording project that has just started that way crimes that go unreported are recorded and work can be done based on the patterns to reduce the crime.

You should feel free to contact the Rape Crisis Centre or you can always get in touch with BeLonG To as well (www.belongto.org).

Stay strong.

Annasopra · 03-01-2012 5:24pm

Raghallaigh wrote: »

Hi OP, might I suggest that if you're not up to reporting it to the Gardai just yet that you have the time recorded by Gay Switchboard in the recording project that has just started that way crimes that go unreported are recorded and work can be done based on the patterns to reduce the crime.

What is that?

Raghallaigh · 03-01-2012 5:31pm

mango salsa wrote: »

What is that?

There is a project commencing between LGBT organisations in Dublin and seven other European capitals related to the recording crimes against LGBT people of all kinds.

It is generally accepted that reporting levels are far below actual crime levels and so this project is being used to gather data on crime experienced by LGBT people. I'm not sure of the commencement date of the project but it will be announced and reporting will be possible through Gay Switchboard and the National Helpline and other organisations. Keep an eye in GCN for more details.

fluffybiscuits · 03-01-2012 5:40pm

Outhouse have an LGBT officer from the Gardai every Tueday afaiaw, Their number is (01) 873 4999 . They are great down there. Meanwhile it might be worth going to the GMHS on Haddington Road, its specifically for gay men ,if you want advice. They are open Tuesday and Wednesdays .

Hope you are alright mate.

cgcsb · 04-01-2012 12:37am

I think you have an obligation to go to the gardaí to prevent future incidents. The Gardaí gay liason are very friendly and they are there to help. Since he has an online profile it'll be very easy to find him, and open and shut case.

Norderburse · 04-01-2012 8:03am

Can't add much to the already excellent advice given above - just wanted to say how sorry I am that this has happened to you :-( As floggg said, it could have been any of us. Please do post here (or PM) if there's anything any of us can do for you.

stephen_n · 04-01-2012 8:59am

Above all else you have an obligation to yourself, posting here was probably a very important step but as many have said the RCC should be your next step. This was an extremely traumatic experience and it may not have fully hit home yet. Please don't let what this animal has done cause lasting damage, you were a victim but you don't have to continue to be one! Working with the RCC as early as possible will hopefully help alleviate the some of the damage this incident may cause!

oisindoyle · 04-01-2012 10:11pm

Bad Experience wrote: »

Sorry in advance for adding to the negative threads here. I just want to post because I can't really talk to anyone about this.

Two nights ago I met a guy for a one night stand. It was supposed to be casual. He forced himself on me, he was much stronger than I am. He had sex with me without a condom.

I was fretting the morning after, I don't think I've ever been as sick with worry. I read a thread here about a guy who was penetrated without a condom, so I decided to go to the hospital. I went to the emergency department. The staff were so so lovely. They gave me a hep B vaccine and started me on PEP in case of HIV infection. I also spoke to the social worker. The whole time they kept me in a room by myself, which was so much appreciated because I could not face seeing people.

I feel kind of traumatized. Even if the staff were lovely, it was an awful and scary experience. I told them I did not want to go the Guards. Really, I just could not face that. I'm going back in two days for a check up.

I've deleted my profile where I met the guy. It has put me off that whole world. I've always been safe, but it was just too scary.

I'm just posting here because I feel like I'm kind of letting go of things. I also wanted to thank this board. I know it's just the internet, but honestly if I had not read that thread I would not have known what PEP was.

i just read this now .Could you please PM (set up a profile or whatever) The reason I am asking you to do so ,is because a friend of mine had the exact same experience just as you described (about 3 months ago )If its the same guy something has to be done about it .

Annasopra · 04-01-2012 10:36pm

Mod warning

Folks it is not appropriate for anyone to ask the OP to contact them through PMs or other means. The OP needs to get help from qualified sources or professionals

No poster should be offering to get into private communication with someone who is an extremely vulnerable situation. We have no way of knowing if a case like this is genuine or if someone requires immediate medical attention - we are not qualified to make the distinction nor to step in and fulfil a counsellors role even if we could. It is both in vulnerable and desperate posters best interests and in the best interests of any would-be good samaritan that Boards does not endorse getting personally involved with such situations other than providing referrrals to relevant professionals.

Any problems - send me a PM

oisindoyle · 04-01-2012 10:45pm

mango salsa wrote: »

Mod warning

Folks it is not appropriate for anyone to ask the OP to contact them through PMs or other means. The OP needs to get help from qualified sources or professionals

Obviously the latter part of your sentence goes without saying and I and others are not disputing that .But surely its up to the OP if he wants to PM people or not ?
I sent u a PM mango by the way

Annasopra · 04-01-2012 10:59pm

oisindoyle wrote: »

Obviously the latter part of your sentence goes without saying and I and others are not disputing that .But surely its up to the OP if he wants to PM people or not ?
I sent u a PM mango by the way

Hi Oisin - The warning stands - this person is in a difficult and vulnerable position and boards.ie cannot encourage him to PM anyone - perhaps you could just show the thread to the Gardai. I won't be addressing this on thread anymore so if you have any problems I will deal with it by PM

Enlight1 · 05-01-2012 2:12pm

Bad Experience wrote: »

Sorry in advance for adding to the negative threads here. I just want to post because I can't really talk to anyone about this....

Hi there just saw this and wanted to write to you to offer support. It is an incredibly difficult and traumatic experience and I have so much empathy for where you're at right now.
In May I had the (spookily) exactly the same situation. I actually had a friend call me this morning and ask did I write your post. It was the same scenario - went to meet a guy and it suddenly turned into something quite different and dark. I too went to the hospital got checked out and started PEP. I too decided against contacting the guards (although I did ring them at one stage "to test the water" if you like) but never took it any further as I just couldn't handle it.

Apart from the attack itself which is horrendous, the ordeal of going through PEP and all that goes with it can be so tough and I guess I just want you to know that I'm right there with you.

As for everyone saying you MUST contact the guards - it is firmly your decision and you and only you know if you can go through the ordeal again with the guards. I myself am now wondering is this the same guy although I don't know where you are etc.
Aside from all that, please know that you are not alone.

"Enlight1"
PS Anything you need to know about PEP feel free to ask me. Its not a picnic but you can (and will) get through it - everyone is different. x

Phoenix Park · 05-01-2012 3:03pm

How are you getting on OP?.

Its interesting that you called the thread "bad experiance". Thats some understatement. Rape is a horrific act to deal with, I wish you all the best in what is an awful situation. I am a straight male myself, male rape gets so little coverage to the more common female rape, but i am sure you are every bit as traumatised. My heart goes out to you.

In time i hope you go to the gardai. Its your call of course. Rapists thrive off fear and guilt. They thrive off the victims wish to just make it go away. Chances are you weren't the first. If you don't report it, you won't be the last. You met him online, so i would assume you know little about him. More and more people meet prospective partners for the first time online, with site users getting younger and younger too. Next time it could be some 15 year old...who knows.

As regards catching him, it will be a more straightforward than average case. As well as being a rapist, he's also stupid, he can be easily traced through his profile. Getting the website to comply shouldn't be an issue. You have done everything right so far, and i hope now that the shock is probably wearing off that you are coming to terms with events.

Keep us posted, i wish you all the best. I hope you make a stand when you are ready to do so, and put this pricck behind bars where he belongs. You will almost certainly be preventing this trauma from affecting others.

Take care mate.

fluffybiscuits · 05-01-2012 3:18pm

Phoenix Park wrote: »

How are you getting on OP?.

Its interesting that you called the thread "bad experiance". Thats some understatement. Rape is a horrific act to deal with, I wish you all the best in what is an awful situation. I am a straight male myself, male rape gets so little coverage to the more common female rape, but i am sure you are every bit as traumatised. My heart goes out to you.

In time i hope you go to the gardai. Its your call of course. Rapists thrive off fear and guilt. They thrive off the victims wish to just make it go away. Chances are you weren't the first. If you don't report it, you won't be the last. You met him online, so i would assume you know little about him. More and more people meet prospective partners for the first time online, with site users getting younger and younger too. Next time it could be some 15 year old...who knows.

As regards catching him, it will be a more straightforward than average case. As well as being a rapist, he's also stupid, he can be easily traced through his profile. Getting the website to comply shouldn't be an issue. You have done everything right so far, and i hope now that the shock is probably wearing off that you are coming to terms with events.

Keep us posted, i wish you all the best. I hope you make a stand when you are ready to do so, and put this pricck behind bars where he belongs. You will almost certainly be preventing this trauma from affecting others.

Take care mate.

To the OP if you have a pic of the person contact the gardai, I urge you. You were raped and are suffered a traumatic experience. It seems a few people have suffered this at the hands of some monster that is on the loose out there. Please OP contact the Gardai or the rape crisis centre. Their number is 1800 77 88 88 and explain to them what happened, even e mail them if it feels better that way.

Phoenix Park · 05-01-2012 3:44pm

Enlight1 wrote: »

Hi there just saw this and wanted to write to you to offer support. It is an incredibly difficult and traumatic experience and I have so much empathy for where you're at right now.
In May I had the (spookily) exactly the same situation. I actually had a friend call me this morning and ask did I write your post. It was the same scenario - went to meet a guy and it suddenly turned into something quite different and dark. I too went to the hospital got checked out and started PEP. I too decided against contacting the guards (although I did ring them at one stage "to test the water" if you like) but never took it any further as I just couldn't handle it.

Apart from the attack itself which is horrendous, the ordeal of going through PEP and all that goes with it can be so tough and I guess I just want you to know that I'm right there with you.

As for everyone saying you MUST contact the guards - it is firmly your decision and you and only you know if you can go through the ordeal again with the guards. I myself am now wondering is this the same guy although I don't know where you are etc.
Aside from all that, please know that you are not alone.

"Enlight1"
PS Anything you need to know about PEP feel free to ask me. Its not a picnic but you can (and will) get through it - everyone is different. x

I have great sympathy with you, i really do. However, do you not see the irony in what you have posted. "I myself am now wondering if this is the same guy". If you had reported your rape, perhaps your rapist would be behind bars, or at least wary enough of an uncoming case to be put off committing another attack.

Chances are it wasn't the same guy..but you didn't report it (you are not even a statictic unfortunately)...if it had been the same guy- and again i stress it probably isn't- you could have prevented a rape. Its harsh pointing this out to you, but i hope the OP takes this into consideration.

All the best. Again, i'm very sorry to hear you went through what you did Enlight1.

By the way..your attack was only in May...its not too late to report it yourself.

baby and crumble · 05-01-2012 3:52pm

Phoenix Park wrote: »

I have great sympathy with you, i really do. However, do you not see the irony in what you have posted. "I myself am now wondering if this is the same guy". If you had reported your rape, perhaps your rapist would be behind bars, or at least wary enough of an uncoming case to be put off committing another attack.

Chances are it wasn't the same guy..but you didn't report it (you are not even a statictic unfortunately)...if it had been the same guy- and again i stress it probably isn't- you could have prevented a rape. Its harsh pointing this out to you, but i hope the OP takes this into consideration.

All the best. Again, i'm very sorry to hear you went through what you did Enlight1.

By the way..your attack was only in May...its not too late to report it yourself.

Trying to guilt an abuse or rape survivor into reporting a crime is not the thing to do, it really isn't. You are blaming the survivor for abuse having occurred- not their abuse, sure, but someone elses. That's not ok.

floggg · 05-01-2012 3:59pm

Please ignore Phoenix Parks comments guys. Your not to blame for this. Yes, if you are up to it, I would recommend you report it.

But look out for yourself first. I'm sure it was a very traumatic experience and make sure your ok before worrying about anybody else.

I would urge you to see the Rape Crisis Centre or a counsellor, as even if you think you are over it, it can cause long term damage.

Best of luck.

Phoenix Park · 05-01-2012 4:01pm

baby and crumble wrote: »

Trying to guilt an abuse or rape survivor into reporting a crime is not the thing to do, it really isn't. You are blaming the survivor for abuse having occurred- not their abuse, sure, but someone elses. That's not ok.

Thats not what i'm trying to do at all, and i've tried to stress that. I am trying to explain he should not be put off by the other poster deciding not to report it. Is there something wrong with encouraging a rape victim to report it?. As i have also pointed out, i am very saddened by what BOTH posters went through. Its even more saddening to feel one cannot come forward and seek justice for themselves. Surely there is nothing wrong in pointing out that rapists, if unreported, are likely just to inflict such trauma on some other poor individual. Anyway, i will stay out of it now, I hope both find peace and come through their hoffific experiance.

baby and crumble · 05-01-2012 4:06pm

No, I can completely understand what you're saying, and I agree- I think people should be encouraged to report any crime that they have been a victim of/ are a survivor of. I'm just saying that sometimes that can err into the realm of "if you had just reported it, no-one else would be hurt, it's YOUR fault!", especially if, as in the case of many abuse/rape survivors, they already think it's their fault that this happened. That's all I'm saying.

oisindoyle · 05-01-2012 4:19pm

Phoenix Park wrote: »

Thats not what i'm trying to do at all, and i've tried to stress that. I am trying to explain he should not be put off by the other poster deciding not to report it. Is there something wrong with encouraging a rape victim to report it?. As i have also pointed out, i am very saddened by what BOTH posters went through. Its even more saddening to feel one cannot come forward and seek justice for themselves. Surely there is nothing wrong in pointing out that rapists, if unreported, are likely just to inflict such trauma on some other poor individual. Anyway, i will stay out of it now, I hope both find peace and come through their hoffific experiance.

Have to say I found your reply to enlight1 shocking .He was brave enough (like the OP) to come on here and reveal his attack .The trauma never goes away .
Telling him he should have reported it ect ect and it may have prevented another attack is shocking.Many many survivors of a sexual attack never go to the Gards and report it for reasons best known to them .
Surely laying on a guilt trip on Enlight1 is now adding more of a burden on him .
As for your opinion that you are convinced that the attacker on the OP and Enlight1 are not the same ,How do you know this ? The simple answer is you dont and again it showed a huge lack of empathy and sympathy to Enlight1 and the OP

Phoenix Park · 05-01-2012 4:30pm

oisindoyle wrote: »

Have to say I found your reply to enlight1 shocking .He was brave enough (like the OP) to come on here and reveal his attack .The trauma never goes away .
Telling him he should have reported it ect ect and it may have prevented another attack is shocking.Many many survivors of a sexual attack never go to the Gards and report it for reasons best known to them .
Surely laying on a guilt trip on Enlight1 is now adding more of a burden on him .
As for your opinion that you are convinced that the attacker on the OP and Enlight1 are not the same ,How do you know this ? The simple answer is you dont and again it showed a huge lack of empathy and sympathy to Enlight1 and the OP

Thank you for the reply Oisin. I have read over my post. I can completely see why it would come accross as me "giving out" to someone for not reporting it. I sincerely apologise to everyone if it came accross that way, i cannot apologise enough for any offence caused. I guess the idea of rape stresses me out so much i was anxious so help, and have not done so.
I am a straight male myself, but have been though things in the past, i have queued up at the little cubby hole in the GUIDE clinic in James' like a quiverring wreck a decade or so ago (nothing drug related i should point out), i have gone through HIV prophylaxis, back 3 months later for review antibody tests, then back in 6 months again, all unknown to family and friends. So i felt this was something i could relate to. Enlight, i do not wish to lay any guilt trip on you, please accept this was not my intention, and i have no right to tell the OP he should report this, that is his decision and his decision alone. Same goes for you, it is entirely your call. When i read this tread yesterday i lay awake thinking about it last night for hours.
Again, i am sorry to cause offence, belive me, it was not what i set out to do. I though i could help, i was wrong. I wish both posters nothing but the best in times ahead. And apologies to you too Oisin.

Enlight1 · 05-01-2012 8:14pm

Phoenix Park wrote: »

I have great sympathy with you, i really do. However, do you not see the irony in what you have posted. "I myself am now wondering if this is the same guy". If you had reported your rape, perhaps your rapist would be behind bars, or at least wary enough of an uncoming case to be put off committing another attack.

Chances are it wasn't the same guy..but you didn't report it (you are not even a statictic unfortunately)...if it had been the same guy- and again i stress it probably isn't- you could have prevented a rape. Its harsh pointing this out to you, but i hope the OP takes this into consideration.

All the best. Again, i'm very sorry to hear you went through what you did Enlight1.

By the way..your attack was only in May...its not too late to report it yourself.

Phoenix Park - Firstly you don't need to "point anything out to me".
At first reading your initial post I had a different reply to this. On reading your apology I accept that your intentions were and are fundamentally good. What I will say though as Ive said earlier - the guy who was raped has every right to feel how he feels and do whats right for him. Only he knows whats going on in his head and only he can deal in his own way and in his own time with what happened.
In the cold light of day the notion of someone being a victim of rape is very black and white and until it happened to me I would've erred on the side of "bringing the rapist to criminal justice". Unfortunately as with everything in life , its not a black and white situation and I wish him well in his recovery however he chooses to move forward.

Also, just to comment on a few things you said - e.g.: Im not even a "statistic"- how do you know that? Just because I didn't pursue the Justice system you shouldn't assume I didn't contact other organizations where I am, in fact, a statistic. in fact as soon as you walk into a hospital after a rape, you become a recorded statistic.
Secondly how do you know its not the same guy? I don't, but its not outside the realms of possibility. Regardless of whether it is or not, the fact remains that I could not prevent a rape as you put it and to lay that on a survivor of a violent attack is tantamount to guilt tripping as a few posters have pointed out. Its a knee jerk reaction to a very complex and in my experience terrifying experience overall.

As Id said earlier, after many a dark night, I decided not to go to the guards. It was a deeply painful personal decision I made. But it was decision that was right for ME. And yes Im acutely aware it was "only in May and I could still report it" as you say but again it is MY decision.

Having said all that I do take on board your apology and good wishes and I understand where you are coming from. I just hope the original poster feels able to heal in the way he needs to, to trust again and to know absolutely that it was not his fault, that he didn't deserve it, and that it was an abhorrent act of violence that should never have happened to him. I wish him (and you) well.

"Enlight1"

oisindoyle · 05-01-2012 9:44pm

Phoenix Park wrote: »

Thank you for the reply Oisin. I have read over my post. I can completely see why it would come accross as me "giving out" to someone for not reporting it. I sincerely apologise to everyone if it came accross that way, i cannot apologise enough for any offence caused. I guess the idea of rape stresses me out so much i was anxious so help, and have not done so.
I am a straight male myself, but have been though things in the past, i have queued up at the little cubby hole in the GUIDE clinic in James' like a quiverring wreck a decade or so ago (nothing drug related i should point out), i have gone through HIV prophylaxis, back 3 months later for review antibody tests, then back in 6 months again, all unknown to family and friends. So i felt this was something i could relate to. Enlight, i do not wish to lay any guilt trip on you, please accept this was not my intention, and i have no right to tell the OP he should report this, that is his decision and his decision alone. Same goes for you, it is entirely your call. When i read this tread yesterday i lay awake thinking about it last night for hours.
Again, i am sorry to cause offence, belive me, it was not what i set out to do. I though i could help, i was wrong. I wish both posters nothing but the best in times ahead. And apologies to you too Oisin.

What a very nice thing to say and quite noble of you

Enlight1 · 05-01-2012 10:55pm

hear hear

fluffybiscuits · 06-01-2012 9:37am

Enlight1 wrote: »

Phoenix Park - Firstly you don't need to "point anything out to me".
At first reading your initial post I had a different reply to this. On reading your apology I accept that your intentions were and are fundamentally good. What I will say though as Ive said earlier - the guy who was raped has every right to feel how he feels and do whats right for him. Only he knows whats going on in his head and only he can deal in his own way and in his own time with what happened.
In the cold light of day the notion of someone being a victim of rape is very black and white and until it happened to me I would've erred on the side of "bringing the rapist to criminal justice". Unfortunately as with everything in life , its not a black and white situation and I wish him well in his recovery however he chooses to move forward.

Also, just to comment on a few things you said - e.g.: Im not even a "statistic"- how do you know that? Just because I didn't pursue the Justice system you shouldn't assume I didn't contact other organizations where I am, in fact, a statistic. in fact as soon as you walk into a hospital after a rape, you become a recorded statistic.
Secondly how do you know its not the same guy? I don't, but its not outside the realms of possibility. Regardless of whether it is or not, the fact remains that I could not prevent a rape as you put it and to lay that on a survivor of a violent attack is tantamount to guilt tripping as a few posters have pointed out. Its a knee jerk reaction to a very complex and in my experience terrifying experience overall.

As Id said earlier, after many a dark night, I decided not to go to the guards. It was a deeply painful personal decision I made. But it was decision that was right for ME. And yes Im acutely aware it was "only in May and I could still report it" as you say but again it is MY decision.

Having said all that I do take on board your apology and good wishes and I understand where you are coming from. I just hope the original poster feels able to heal in the way he needs to, to trust again and to know absolutely that it was not his fault, that he didn't deserve it, and that it was an abhorrent act of violence that should never have happened to him. I wish him (and you) well.

"Enlight1"

It may be worth just sending an e mail to the RCC just to inform them anyways , you can do it anon from a cyber cafe and set up another e mail account. Just explain your experience and let them know perhaps who the perpetrator was so perhaps at least someone is aware . From reading this thread it seems there is a rapist on the loose.

Hope you are ok anyways

CdeC · 06-01-2012 9:46am

Hi OP,
Sorry you had to go through this, I understand your reluctance to approach the authorities. Whatever you decide to do make sure you have people there to support you.

I know that it may not do anything but could you report the guy on the website that you used to meet him. At least then they can remove his profile and ban his IP address.

Beruthiel · 06-01-2012 11:35am

Bad Experience wrote: »

I feel kind of traumatized.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you honey.
Have you contacted Rape Crisis Centre?
Please think about talking to a professional.
This may fester and stay in the back of your mind for some time if you do not try and learn to deal with it.
I know that right now you just want to put it behind you and get on with your life.
Unfortunately, your subconscious will not be as willing to move on without some help.
Take care of yourself.

Enlight1 · 06-01-2012 2:20pm

fluffy biscuits Thanks for your concern it is appreciated. I have already been with RCC since the incident.

LegacyUser · 06-01-2012 2:52pm

Hi all,

Thank you very much for all your responses. I'm posting from a different IP address to my original message, so I'm not sure if this will be posted.

I attended the SATU at the Rotunda and made contact with the Guards, but I still haven't decided what I'm going to do. I didn't go right away for forensic stuff, so I'll have to wait and see because results are apparently less conclusive. I also signed up for a set of therapy sessions with a psychotherapist from the Rape Crisis Centre, but I've asked for them not to start for awhile because I need time to make sense of it all and they said that was fine. I've also been to the GUIDE Clinic in St James and it looks like it will be a series of appointments there till I get the all clear.

The PEP is quite bad though. I've had vomiting, fatigue, and it feels like constantly having a mild fever.

Thanks again. Posting here isn't the same as talking to someone obviously, but it does feel like i'm not keeping it all to myself. At the minute I don't really feel like I'll be able to talk to anyone in person any time soon.

Phoenix Park · 06-01-2012 5:46pm

We are thinking of you mate.

Enlight1 · 08-01-2012 3:44am

Bad Experience wrote: »

Hi all,

Thank you very much for all your responses. I'm posting from a different IP address to my original message, so I'm not sure if this will be posted.

I attended the SATU at the Rotunda and made contact with the Guards, but I still haven't decided what I'm going to do. I didn't go right away for forensic stuff, so I'll have to wait and see because results are apparently less conclusive. I also signed up for a set of therapy sessions with a psychotherapist from the Rape Crisis Centre, but I've asked for them not to start for awhile because I need time to make sense of it all and they said that was fine. I've also been to the GUIDE Clinic in St James and it looks like it will be a series of appointments there till I get the all clear.

The PEP is quite bad though. I've had vomiting, fatigue, and it feels like constantly having a mild fever.

Thanks again. Posting here isn't the same as talking to someone obviously, but it does feel like i'm not keeping it all to myself. At the minute I don't really feel like I'll be able to talk to anyone in person any time soon.

Hey there
I posted a few days ago as you probably can see from previous pages. I went through pretty much the same scenario and also through PEP. Yes it can be tough and if you need to talk/ask questions/anything at all, Im right there for ya man. I promise you, I absolutely promise you, it will get better. You are definitely on the right road with therapy when you are ready and attending Rotunda etc.

thinking of you - you aren't alone.
Enlight1

foggy_lad · 08-01-2012 12:44pm

Bad Experience wrote: »

Hi all,

Thank you very much for all your responses. I'm posting from a different IP address to my original message, so I'm not sure if this will be posted.

I attended the SATU at the Rotunda and made contact with the Guards, but I still haven't decided what I'm going to do. I didn't go right away for forensic stuff, so I'll have to wait and see because results are apparently less conclusive. I also signed up for a set of therapy sessions with a psychotherapist from the Rape Crisis Centre, but I've asked for them not to start for awhile because I need time to make sense of it all and they said that was fine. I've also been to the GUIDE Clinic in St James and it looks like it will be a series of appointments there till I get the all clear.

The PEP is quite bad though. I've had vomiting, fatigue, and it feels like constantly having a mild fever.

Thanks again. Posting here isn't the same as talking to someone obviously, but it does feel like i'm not keeping it all to myself. At the minute I don't really feel like I'll be able to talk to anyone in person any time soon.

You have made very good decisions by looking after yourself after such a trauma, not just physically but psychilogically, most people don't think about how such things can affect them weeks or even months after. You will get through it with the help you have organised. Best of luck in the future and hope everything turns out good for you.

filmbuffboy · 09-01-2012 9:49pm

DO NOT let him get away with it. What he did to you was wrong, he is a scum bag and deserves to be locked up.

LGiamani · 18-01-2012 8:29pm

Bad Experience wrote: »

Hi all,

Thank you very much for all your responses. I'm posting from a different IP address to my original message, so I'm not sure if this will be posted.

I attended the SATU at the Rotunda and made contact with the Guards, but I still haven't decided what I'm going to do. I didn't go right away for forensic stuff, so I'll have to wait and see because results are apparently less conclusive. I also signed up for a set of therapy sessions with a psychotherapist from the Rape Crisis Centre, but I've asked for them not to start for awhile because I need time to make sense of it all and they said that was fine. I've also been to the GUIDE Clinic in St James and it looks like it will be a series of appointments there till I get the all clear.

The PEP is quite bad though. I've had vomiting, fatigue, and it feels like constantly having a mild fever.

Thanks again. Posting here isn't the same as talking to someone obviously, but it does feel like i'm not keeping it all to myself. At the minute I don't really feel like I'll be able to talk to anyone in person any time soon.

Hi how are things at the moment just reading this thread again hoping you are feeling much better

Bad Experience

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