Am I a bad friend?

LegacyUser

I’m not really sure what kind of advice I’m looking for here but I’m having a fairly tough time trying to figure out the right thing to do.

Basically, I have friend who I think is making a huge mistake. She is the same age as me, 24. She met a guy this time last year. He’s 33. They got engaged in October and moved in together earlier this month.

Fair enough. I told her that I thought he was a bit too old for her and I thought she was rushing into another relationship. She broke up with her ex (he broke up with her) about 6 months before they started going out. But I wished her well.

Now she’s pregnant and it was planned. They decided they wanted kids shortly after they were engaged and started trying and they were successful!!

I hope everything goes well for her and everything. The thing is that it just doesn’t sit right with me. I just feel like I can’t just sit around pretending that everything is the same and I’m delighted for them both.

He doesn’t treat her well at all. He drinks way to much and even made a move on me one night!!! Her response to that was for her to apologise to me!!! She said ‘oh I’m so sorry he’s just had to much to drink’. I couldn’t believe it.

I don’t know what to do. I told her the truth at the start of the relationship and again after the incident. But now that she’s pregnant I feel like I can’t and shouldn’t say anything.

Would I be the biggest b*tch in the world if I distanced myself from her? She wants me to be her chief bridesmaid but I just don’t think I can be.

Anyone experienced anything similar? Is this just what growing up is all about?

LegacyUser

You made your opinions clear at the start and she's made her own decision to have a child with and marry this person. Its not your place to convince her she's making a mistake, thats just your opinion. If you really dont feel comfortable being the bridesmaid then you should step down, but it may really upset your friend and it is her feelings that you should be considering in this situation.

As a friend, I think you should give your advice (as you have) and then keep quiet on the matter. Your personal opinion of her husband to be is not that important at the end of the day.

Katgurl

The only part which I think is any way relevant to your objection is him making a move on you. What exactly happened? She doesn't seem bothered.

As for the rest, she's young, she wasn't long single etc. just because hers aren't typical choices does not mean they are not right for her. Apart from what I've queried above I can't see any reason why you would refuse to be her bridesmaid. Are you sure you are not just uncomfortable with things changing?

greenprincess

I think at this stage bit your tongue. A year ago a friend of mine went to oz with her bf, things were going terribly he was being a total idiot drinking basically every night, not working, staying out all night. I was just about to say maybe she should break up with him, pretty sure she was thinking the same thing. But she got pregnant and everything seems to have all turned around. Her bf has turned into a great dad so maybe things will work out.
I think just support your friend

curlzy

Hey OP,

Depends on how close you are really. If you love her to bits, just bite your tongue and be ready to catch her when this inevitably ends badly. However, if you aren't that close I'd just cut and run, I hate having to watch a road crash of a relationship go belly-up. So yeah depends on how much you love her, like a sister or just a mate you see occasionally?

Best of luck.