Can't meet girls

LegacyUser

Boards regular here, going anonymous.

I'm going to start by telling all of you that I am 18 years old, I am awful with women, never had a girlfriend and have only been kissed a handful of times. I also have suffered from depression the past year and am still recovering.

When I say I'm awful with women, I mean it, I don't think it's all down to bad luck. Low self-confidence impedes me, I can't deny that.

I've passed on a few opportunities to get with some women recently just because I'm not there to shift for the sake of it, these women I wasn't attracted to and that type of thing I'd find very difficult to do, maybe I have high standards for someone who doesn't get much himself. I am a friendly guy though and I've no problem talking to anyone.

I don't know many women at all and I get limited opportunities to meet them. I was at a new years party just there and I met a girl who I liked a lot and asked for her number(first time I've actually done that). I texted her my number and we texted a bit that day. I said I was self-conscious, I don't know if she bothered herself to text back just to be nice or whatever, I'm not really confident enough to text her again and she hasn't texted me. I'm not sure if anything real can actually come of text messaging though.

I'm not sure what to do with myself, how will I manage to meet girls in the future, most night-outs end in disappointment for me(I can still have a great time regardless). I often feel lonely which contributes to my depression.

Thanks very much in advance for any advice.

MissFlitworth

I'm not trying to play down your awfulness with women at all but at 18 you're almost guaranteed to be awful with women. And women your age will, almost without exception, be awful with men. You're on a learning curve, as you move into college/work/adult life you're going to have so many more opportunities to meet & talk to women and the nerves and lack of confidence will get less & less. Only having being kissed a handful of times at 18 (or no times at all) is par for the course for many, many people.

If you liked the lady you met at the New Years party text her & ask her if she'd like to meet up! No guarantees she liked you back but if she did she's probably sitting at home throwing eyes at the phone and not texting you because she doesn't want to be pushy or what have you. Girls your age get a lot of rubbish about not scaring off guys by being pushy.

Whatever you do stop telling people you've only just met that you're 'self conscious' or anything else at all derogatory about yourself. You want to be putting your best foot forward!

LovelyLottie

Don't despair. You are 18 (which can be traumatic enough in itself ) and you have been through a tough year, so go easy on yourself.

Text this girl - you've nothing to lose. If she replies and you think you like her, then ask her out. She might just say yes And if she doesn't want to, well that's ok too and you can at least know that you gave it a shot. And you can be proud of yourself for taking a chance.

Why not try online dating? Might give you the opportunity to build up your confidence with girls. I once dated a guy (who I'd met online), a lot older than you and he found online dating really boosted his confidence. He was a nice guy who just was very shy around girls. But in a one-to-one situation where it was an official date he could let his personality shine. Try it - good luck.

shampooman

Hey cantmeetgirls,

Hope your well! Though actually by the sounds of it probably not! I'm here in the section due to having problems with my own girlfriend or ex or god knows what she is so I dont know how qualified I am to give you advice.

Anyways I didn't kiss a girl until I was 23 or 24!! Now the thing is I was popular in school,sports and for some odd weird unknown reason girls find me ok to look at.

At the time I had very little self confidence even into my early 20's. My job involved me speaking to large groups of people at a time. So in one area of my life I was completely confident and at ease but the minute I left that role I was incredibly shy and awkward. I was useless with women..everyone assumed that ahhh yeah I was getting plenty (partly due to me telling everyone that)

Anyways flashforward a few years later and yes it becomes easier, If I Mr anti-social person of the year can grab an amazing girl then you can do it. Your 18, your young and naive to the way of the woman ( yes they have their ways) You know how I know that you will be grand? You got her number! You have done what so many guys have failed to do. You took a chance and got the digits. Your well on your way!

A year from now you will look back at this thread and think gawddddddd why was I worked up. In saying that It's good to share your feelings and express yourself. By the way having standards is a good think - avoid the she wolves

Have a good week man!

LegacyUser

Thanks very much for all the replies,

I'll text her again today(I have no clue what to say to someone to strike up a 2nd conversation though! Hey any suggestions welcome;) ). It's a wonderful train of thought where you believe she's itching for me to text her just as much as I am, unfortunately I'm both paranoid and self-conscious so that's difficult for me to believe in any instance!

People often tell me that everything will start happening when I begin college later this year, still, it's tough waiting, and I've been waiting for years for things to happen(I'm not saying I sit here waiting for things to come to me:) ). Just believe me when I say that this aspect of my life is vital to my overall happiness and is something that has been missing for a long time.

I try to be optimistic but I'm still waiting on those real rewards!

Thanks again.

karaokeman

Think of it this way, life won't just throw your hopes and dreams at you, you need to make them happen.

I have also never had a proper girlfriend and I've learned with time to stop just wishing it will happen.

It may seem unlikely now but trust me the more girls you meet the more likely you will be to find one who will go out with you.

Like other's have said take your chance with this girl because if you don't you will be just wasting your time sitting here wishing it will happen.

If she turns you down its not that big a deal at all, just move on to the next girl.

Even the fact she's the first girl you have got her number off is a good head start. Take it from there and make this the first step to changing your habits of wishing things will happen.

Bite the bullet while you have the chance, she could be gone by the time the next poster gives advice on this thread.

LegacyUser

Thanks, can I change the direction of the thread, if anybody else is willing to post?

Well, I texted her, that went fine, but can I ask, from your past experiences what can I say now to maintain her interest, how can I make this into something bigger than a blip. I'm already in this, I may as well give it my best shot. If she doesn't text me it's going to make things a lot more difficult with the onus on me.

I've already told you that I'm a little paranoid and self conscious. In your opinions is either a girl texting back slowly or not initiating the conversation a bad sign? I can see how they quite obviously can be.

Thanks

karaokeman

Try not to be paranoid, I've been there before its all false emotions that will mean nothing to you when this is all over. Just try and relax, if she says yes give yourself a pat on the back for making the effort to text her, if she says no, its fine just move on to the next girl.

If your text was something along the lines of "you free anytime?" just take it from there. If she wants to be with you she will be delighted to respond and say yes. If she takes a while to reply don't let it get to you either, I know girls who hardly ever use their phone but as soon as they get the message its all-go from that point.

Hope she does say yes, and if not remember your still young and there's plenty more fish in the sea:cool:.

allovertheshop

Hey OP,

well done on taking control and texting her. that's the first step. I don't know if you both live near each other or near public transport that could enable you to meet up easily but if you do, maybe you could mention to her that there's a film in the cinema that you've wanted to see and ask her if she'd like to go and see it with you?

If you don't ask, you won't get. but don't be worried if she doesn't text or if she says she doesn't want to meet up. These things happen and everyone gets knocked back, regardless of age, at some stage. You just have to keep your head up, move on and eventually you will meet someone special

Best of luck

Overheal

Cantmeetgirls wrote: »

Thanks, can I change the direction of the thread, if anybody else is willing to post?

Well, I texted her, that went fine, but can I ask, from your past experiences what can I say now to maintain her interest, how can I make this into something bigger than a blip. I'm already in this, I may as well give it my best shot. If she doesn't text me it's going to make things a lot more difficult with the onus on me.

I've already told you that I'm a little paranoid and self conscious. In your opinions is either a girl texting back slowly or not initiating the conversation a bad sign? I can see how they quite obviously can be.

Thanks

In my opinion, you've already both met in person: there isn't too much point in playing around with this pseudo-dating barrier of back and forth texting of small talk. Ask her what days she has free (or "what are you doing Tomorrow?"), and then ask her for one of those days if she'd like to go with you into town or something to find stuff to do? You don't even really need to plan out what you'll end up doing, just the fact that you'll both be in the same space is enough. Makes for much less awkward conversation than texting if you ask me! All I will say is avoid loud places or the movies. The point is to converse with each other.