Relationship or not?

46w

Hi. Im a gay man. Im 30. Ive been seeing a guy who is 3 years younger than me the last 2 and a half years. We both live in rural Ireland. I posted here before about it. Its driving me crazy. The first 2 years or so it was great, we both just wanted casual sex, it worked very well and we both really enjoyed it. I then however fell for him. The last 6-8 months has been difficult to say the least. I have deep feelings for him. I also came out to my family a few months ago which was one of the best things Ive ever done.

We spent a few nights together before Christmas. He told me he didnt want a relationship. He has told me this before but I thought he was comming around to the idea. I decided after that night that I wasnt goin to contact him again. Which I didnt. He however texted me wishing me a happy Christmas. I wished him the same but said no more. I thought he was just being polite. He then texted me a few nights later when drunk. He was asking what is the story between us. I just told him to text me when sober that I couldnt talk at the time. I didnt think he would but he did 2 days later. We texted all night long. Mostly just talking crap until I said Id ask him where was this going. He again said he didnt want a relationship. He said he `more than really really likes me`. He said he has problems with they gay part of it. Hes not out at all. He said he didnt realise how much me missed me till I wasnt there. I said to him not to consider it a relationshipp, thats just a word. I asked him if we could meet halfway between where we both are and see how it goes for a while. He said hed give it a go. I said I needed a few things from it, I need him to be open and honest with me, to communicate properly with me and tell me if Im going too fast or doing something hes not happy with. He said he`d give it a go. I said sound, lets try it!

Im happy in one way, but I Hope I havent made a mistake. I hope I dont end up getting hurt. I know he wont do it deliberatly and I know he has feelings for me but Im unsure if he can give me what I need. Its the gay thing thats affecting him. Hes very insecure about being gay, hes in denial I think. I was the same way myself a few years ago. I told one of my mates what is going on and he told me Im lining myself up for a big let down. Maybe hes right. I just dont know.

Theres another issue too, I have more or less got a job abroad. Im working here alright but I thought before Christmas a move away would be a good thing. I wouldntd be going till prob the end of Feb if I do go. If I thought this thing with him here would work out I would stay. Its a catch 22 situation. Hard to know what to do. Am I mad in the head having anything to do with him?. I probably am, but Im in love with him, its not easy to walk away!

Any comments would be really appreciated!

baztard

It sounds to me like there are 3 people in your relationship. You, him and his issues with his sexulality.

Have you tried helping him come to terms with the fact that he's gay. Perhaps encouraged or meerly discussed with him about coming out. Portray your positive experience of it. I know this is a deeply personal thing for him, and its by no way something you should or could force him to do. But as you know yourself, life is so much easier and better once you face up to your sexuality and who you are. I'm not sure you'll ever get a rational, genuine or definitive answer about your relationship from him until he comes to terms with who he is.

I think you need to mentally prepare yourself for whatever may happen. Best of luck man. I hope it works out well for you both somehow in the end.

46w

baztard wrote: »

It sounds to me like there are 3 people in your relationship. You, him and his issues with his sexulality.

Have you tried helping him come to terms with the fact that he's gay. Perhaps encouraged or meerly discussed with him about coming out. Portray your positive experience of it. I know this is a deeply personal thing for him, and its by no way something you should or could force him to do. But as you know yourself, life is so much easier and better once you face up to your sexuality and who you are. I'm not sure you'll ever get a rational, genuine or definitive answer about your relationship from him until he comes to terms with who he is.

I think you need to mentally prepare yourself for whatever may happen. Best of luck man. I hope it works out well for you both somehow in the end.

Thanks man. I've mentioned to him about comming out alright and I told him how coming out for me was a great thing. He said he can't ever see himself coming out. I understand that. I thought exactly the same thing myself up until recently. I thought I would never need to tell my family. But things change. That's why I can't walk away from this. He just might come around like I did. He said to me that the fact that it's with another guy he's involved is wrecking his head. But like the passion he shows when we are together is just amazing. He has thanked me for my patience and understanding in this thing but I'm not sure how much longer I can continue if he doesnt give me more. He has said he will try... Here's hoping!..