Afraid relationship is ending

LegacyUser

Hi guys, I've come here because I need serious advice. I'm a young guy (18) going out with a girl of the same age.
This is a longer post than I thought it would be, so just skip to the bottom for a summary.

So we basically got together 3 years ago, while we were still in school. She'd been a massive crush of mine and as such it was like a dream come true when we finally got together. We immediately got along really well, clicked really quickly, and spent most of our time either together or texting/calling each other. We quickly fell in love. I guess it's your typical "highschool sweetheart' situation, but it was real, natural love. We just got along so easily and more or less seemed perfect for each other (Please excuse me if this seems a bit soppy but it's genuinely what it felt like, and not just the naivety of youth). Our relationship grew stronger and closer as we got older (such as how she was able to help me with my grief when my mother died when I was 16), and I could really see myself with her for years to come. The feelings were mutual. We just seemed like a perfect couple, and her the most amazing girlfriend - absolutely gorgeous, smart and a personality as beautiful as her looks.
However a few months ago, when we went to different places to college (she to Dublin and I to Galway) things began to go wrong. We'd only be able to see each other for the weekend for once in maybe in two weeks, as we both do quite intensive courses. For the first month or so we were fine, but after a while things began to get strained. Our phone calls became less frequent and when we would have them there would be just monotonous conversation followed by awkward silences. Then the next few times we saw each other it was awkward as we'd have arguments, which we'd never really had in our relationship before this. I think we both started feeling somewhat angry towards each other, making communication really tense.
A few days ago we sat down together and had a serious talk about what was going on. We explained to each other how we'd been feeling and we both agreed this wasn't how a healthy relationship was supposed to be, even though we both still love each other.
We decided that maybe the cause of our bad communication was because we were phoning each other etc. out of a feeling of obligation rather than a real interest in each other's lives. We agreed to try spending two weeks apart from each other in January when we'd be back at college, with no communication for that period, except to arrange to meet again and see how we'd get along.
We also agreed to not separate or anything until Christmas was over, but I went on a night out with her which ended with an argument to which I apologised for as I felt it was brought on by my feelings of unhappiness combined with my being drunk. She hasn't made any mention of it.
I tried arranging with her to meet up some day soon but she won't available for a good few days. When I have been with her recently she doesn't let me interact affectionately, not even hugging and just pecks on the lips. It sort of feels to me like she's not letting me try to love her, that she's giving me the cold shoulder, though I know its because she's upset over how our relationship has been recently, which I can understand, but that doesn't stop me feeling the way I do. Is that selfish?

Even though we did sit down and have a proper chat where we discussed where our relationship was going and how we may separate, it didn't bring me any closure. I've been spending every day since feeling terrified and cold on the inside from the thought that we would be apart. I know this makes me sounds very clingy, but it feels like she's literally my other half, and I can't see myself with any other girl besides her (I've actually had dreams where I get with other girls and afterwards I end up feeling physically sick and queasy). I can't bear the thought of her with someone else either.

I know it's terribly selfish and clingy-sounding to say that, but it's the truth. I really couldn't bear being apart from her. In my eyes, she's the perfect person for me, and our relationship seemed like it would go on and on. People would actually ask me if I was going to marry her!

I realise this is an incredibly long post but I would greatly appreciate some advice. I basically want ideas to how I could fix this relationship before it's too late (which I guess it may already be).

LegacyUser

You discussed that the "relationship MAY END but it didn't bring any closure". You need to clarify with her if the relationship is in fact over or if your still working on it. It sounds like she is trying to end it, or believes it is already over. At this stage when your citing so many problems continuing on as normal will not bring you back to what you had. So if its on, you'd both need to make a big effort to change the dynamics, doesn't sound like thats happening.

Its hard to loose your first love but you will get over it and go on to love again. The next 10 years will see you both change and become people possibly quite different to who you are now. Trying to hold onto each other when there are already obstacles in the way will only make you resent each other in the long run. This is a new chapter in both of your lives.

EmptyHearted

I think sunflower27 summed it up quite nicely. I remember when I broke up with my first love at 22 - and I hate to report the pain you will feel now will be with you for the rest of your life (and from the sounds of it I think you have already broken up, you just don't know it yet). Nobody forgets their first love and nobody forgets the pain of breaking up with them but the good news is you WILL find another girl to love, even to marry if you so wish. What is really happening here is you are growing up and the world of adults is a harsher one than the world you enjoyed at 16. Think about it this way - you will always have great memories of your time together and you will cherish these you really will! - when you are older. Break up on good terms with your gf and keep the good memories with you then move on. It will take years to get over her, be prepared for that. But you will in the end like we all do and go on to lead a full life. Hang in there dude it will be a rough ride but you come through it a man.