Will this right itself?

LegacyUser

Hi,
I'm going unreg here due to possibility of being recognised.

My wife had/has a drinking problem. So had I. It used to be called enabling but its more commonly call 'co-dependence'. This persisted for a number of years. I kept wanting to break the cycle. She threatened to have me thrown out of the family home due to my anger (and drunken violence) issues. Her biggest threat was to take the kids from me and given my track record it was a real one. So drinking continued, lots of highs and loads of lows - the typical roller coaster ride of two people locked together and abusing drink.

During this time, our sex life was active. Very active. Very explorative. Very open. Very drunken sex together for the physical pleasure. Very much used to 'wallpaper' over the cracks in our marriage.
We explored each other and did everything we wanted to, with each other. The sex was wild and a little kinky at times (there was never a third party and we stopped short of hurting or causing pain to each other). This pattern established itself and was the norm between us for a number of years. She was aware that I looked at porn on the net. I became almost addicted to it due to the amount of time I had on my hands while she slept off another bender. It fuelled some of my ideas yes, but we were heading into those areas anyway.

Present situation is this; she sought help and I supported her. I sought help for my anger (which diminished as her cure took effect). She became strong again (which I always wanted) and being more ‘centred’, she became happier. So too were the kids.
I’m in a better happier place and our marriage is built on mutual trust and desire to be with each other but not dependent on each other.

Our sex life is rubbish. I long for the excitement of what we had. I had such openness for so long that it is hard to reconcile it with the current situation. She on the other hand has retreated into herself with regard to this; wants only a softer more romantic love making. That itself is nice, but a good f**k now and again or a sexy session together would not come amiss.

We have talked. About lots of stuff. She still will not talk to me about sex. About her physical needs, her reluctance to initiate anything in the bedroom (anywhere else is a no-no), her expectations. I’m tired and frustrated with trying to live out a romanticised version of our physical union.

The question here is; will this right itself?

How long into recovery does somebody need before they can relax and begin to have physical sexual fun with somebody that they profess to love?

Thanks.