Missing Cat

senorwipesalot

http://stage.sundaysport.com/?p=1292:eek:
"WHEN Mandy Mountain’s latest fella recoiled in horror while giving her oral pleasure, she wondered what on earth was wrong.

Only when the ashen-faced bloke emerged from between her thunderous thighs clutching the flattened remains of a KITTEN did she realise this was no ordinary bedroom mishap.

The 55-stone blubbergut had earlier SQUASHED the unfortunate mog and its grisly fate only came to light when her beau discovered the pancake -flat cat in her folds of flab.

Mandy, 25, revealed: “Poor little Buttons must have suffocated when I rolled over. I never even noticed. “It wasn’t even my kitten – I was looking after him for my neighbours.

“My boyfriend was going down on me when he shrieked and leapt back, sobbing.

DEAD
“He must have been in there dead for some time, at least three or hour hours. “We gave him a proper burial, and broke the news to my neighbours. But I feel so terrible about it. I can’t apologise enough.

“And I’m now willing to try anything to lose some weight. This is the wake-up call I needed.”

But Mandy – real name Amanda Simmons – makes a decent living from being so big. She earns up to £60,000 a year posing for men with a fetish for larger ladies.

The 64EE babe, from Charleston, West Virginia, has to scoff a staggering 20,000 calories a day in order to maintain her terrifying tonnage.

That’s the equivalent of 36 Big Mac burgers, or twelve giant pepperoni pizzas – every single day.

Mandy’s chunky thighs measure an amazing six feet in circumference – the same size as a fully-grown larch. The model explained: “I’ve never had a real job, but I’ve always been able to make money modelling.

“Men love my buttery lumps and bumps. And I enjoy being worshipped like some sort of massive goddess.

“But I also love animals. I’d never even hurt a fly. So to accidentally kill a gorgeous little kitten is too much for me to take.

“And my boyfriend Clint’s taken it bad too. He’s started wetting again.”

Biggins

Many here use mobile phones to view boards.ie

... AND there is a proper section for graphics.

UPDATE: Cheers for at least adding the later text.

hondasam

Disgusting fat bitch.

mackg

Do yourself a favour and don't click the link.

WHEN Mandy Mountain’s latest fella recoiled in horror while giving her oral pleasure, she wondered what on earth was wrong.
Only when the ashen-faced bloke emerged from between her thunderous thighs clutching the flattened remains of a KITTEN did she realise this was no ordinary bedroom mishap.
The 55-stone blubbergut had earlier SQUASHED the unfortunate mog and its grisly fate only came to light when her beau discovered the pancake -flat cat in her folds of flab.
Mandy, 25, revealed: “Poor little Buttons must have suffocated when I rolled over. I never even noticed. “It wasn’t even my kitten – I was looking after him for my neighbours.
“My boyfriend was going down on me when he shrieked and leapt back, sobbing.

DEAD

“He must have been in there dead for some time, at least three or hour hours. “We gave him a proper burial, and broke the news to my neighbours. But I feel so terrible about it. I can’t apologise enough. “And I’m now willing to try anything to lose some weight. This is the wake-up call I needed.”
But Mandy – real name Amanda Simmons – makes a decent living from being so big. She earns up to £60,000 a year posing for men with a fetish for larger ladies.
The 64EE babe, from Charleston, West Virginia, has to scoff a staggering 20,000 calories a day in order to maintain her terrifying tonnage.
That’s the equivalent of 36 Big Mac burgers, or twelve giant pepperoni pizzas – every single day.
Mandy’s chunky thighs measure an amazing six feet in circumference – the same size as a fully-grown larch. The model explained: “I’ve never had a real job, but I’ve always been able to make money modelling.
“Men love my buttery lumps and bumps. And I enjoy being worshipped like some sort of massive goddess.
“But I also love animals. I’d never even hurt a fly. So to accidentally kill a gorgeous little kitten is too much for me to take.
“And my boyfriend Clint’s taken it bad too. He’s started wetting again.”

That line at the end hardly means what I think it does, right?

TeddyTedson

That Hippo looks like an obese person

later12

This has to be a wind-up, it's too funny.


"--DEAD--"

lol

cocalolaman

"And I’m now willing to try anything to lose some weight. This is the wake-up call I needed."

That's what it took!? Finding a dead cat in between her folds of flab is what it took to realise she was a landwhale!? Jesus christ..

amacca

flat cat = dead cat don't bounce

slippy wicket

Even her legs have tits.

hondasam

How many men in AH's would be brave enough to go down there? Honest answers lol

SoulTrader

He was licking the wrong pussy.

phasers

she makes 60 grand a year modelling?

Fcuking hell! Pass the cake

The 64EE babe, from Charleston, West Virginia, has to scoff a staggering 20,000 calories a day in order to maintain her terrifying tonnage

http://www.fossilsforkids.com/sitebuilder/images/Sperm_whale-493x369.jpg

TeddyTedson

I often heard that the fatter the person the more they float. But there's no way that thing can float in the water. It would just sink very fast surely wouldn't it?

entropi

What has been seen, cannot be unseen!

Samich

Couldn't read, text was all over the place. Unorganised.

senorwipesalot

Is that black thing the poor cats leg hanging out?

Looks like she has a cock too.

amacca

hondasam wrote: »

How many men in AH's would be brave enough to go down there? Honest answers lol

honest answer...no I wouldn't be and I don't scare easily

I don't even see an easy access point from that side tbh...seems like one would have to be a bit of a contortionist

ironic also that the guy who apparently is brave enough wets the bed

Chuck Stone

If you rendered the fat out of her you could run a average family car on it for 2350 Kilometers.


I just made that up.

ejmaztec

TeddyTedson wrote: »

I often heard that the fatter the person the more they float. But there's no way that thing can float in the water. It would just sink very fast surely wouldn't it?

I fuckin hope so, but it's best to lash the fat cow to some concrete blocks just to make sure.

amacca

Chuck Stone wrote: »

I just made that up.

twas good though all the same...very believable.....

LETHAL LADY

Would ya think she can wipe her own butt?

mattjack

hondasam wrote: »

How many men in AH's would be brave enough to go down there? Honest answers lol

As in a few men at one time, like a tag team effort..?

InkSlinger67

Sunday Sport: Classy Rag

Samich

LETHAL LADY wrote: »

Would ya think she can wipe her own butt?

I doubt it, wouldn't think it's had fresh air in years.

hondasam

mattjack wrote: »

As in a few men at one time, like a tag team effort..?

It might be the safest option in case one of ye gets lost

senorwipesalot

mattjack wrote: »

As in a few men at one time, like a tag team effort..?

Yeah,one on tongue and four on flap duty.

Duggy747

Fùck, her fanny would stink..............ironically of a dead pussy.

mattjack

hondasam wrote: »

It might be the safest option in case one of ye gets lost

whats this ye, I'm not fcukin' doing that.I've a long rope though if anyone wants to tie it round their ankle.

brummytom

Lol, I wouldn't believe anything in the Sunday Sport.

amacca

hondasam wrote: »

It might be the safest option in case one of ye gets lost

Luscious Fox: So whats your interest in this Mr Wayne?

Batman: I want to borrow it for spelunking......theres a cat trapped in a very dark place and I want to rescue it

Luscious Fox: Mister Wayne, if you don't want to tell me exactly what you're doing, when I'm asked, I don't have to lie. But don't think of me as an idiot.

TeddyTedson

I honestly wouldn't be surprised if she had tried to eat the poor little pussy

hondasam

TeddyTedson wrote: »

I honestly wouldn't be surprised if she had tried to eat the poor little pussy

I admire him for trying to eat her pussy. little or not.

amacca

TeddyTedson wrote: »

I honestly wouldn't be surprised if she had tried to eat the poor little pussy

or just absorb it

actually accrete would be a better verb methinks

TeddyTedson

I wonder does she constantly smell

mattjack

TeddyTedson wrote: »

I wonder does she constantly smell

More of an aroma than smell.

senorwipesalot

mattjack wrote: »

More of an aroma than smell.

The aroma of dripping.

Temptamperu

(puke)

Right everyone out, the Internet is closed.

Benny_Cake

When the Thought Police come to get me, she'll be waiting for me in Room 101.

Ghandee

Sunday sport have been, and still are renowned for printing bull shît stories.


Some of their more memorable headlines:

London bus found in North pole!

But the best ever was:

Gordon Ramseys sex dwarf eaten by badger!


Can't take this story seriously!

mattjack

I'm missing a small dog , has anyone see......... oh no..NOOOOOOOOOOOO...

amacca

Ghandee wrote: »

Gordon Ramseys sex dwarf eaten by badger!

fcukin dwarves...they're everywhere:eek:

mattjack

amacca wrote: »

fcukin dwarves...they're everywhere:eek:

they are today.