I'm about to go to the doctors

Oranage2

So I'm about to head to the doctors - I havent decided what's wrong with me yet, I'm suppose to be in tonight, tomorrow and new years eve and day - Anybody got any suggestions with some sort illness or injury that will get me a week off.

Dravokivich

Isn't it usually the doctor that decides?

abouttobebanned

You're lucky to have a job FFS. Go in and do it or let someone else do it and you can spend your life in your arse.

TeddyTedson

say you've been fainting.

pickarooney

Minor bike crash. Roll in front of a car just after the lights change so they knock you down at about 5kph. This should earn you a week off work with a neck sprain.

beertons

Go to a neighbours and tell them the story. They'll probably break your legs. 3 months off?

Plazaman

Just say you have elephantitis of the scrotum. You'll laugh, the Doctor will laugh, then you say "No seriously, I need a cert for a week".

guitarzero

God, I thought it was actually something serious, jesus, I was seriously worried there, dont do that me again!

Tell her/him you've got mens issues and let the hysterical laughter ensue.

KTRIC

Find a nice female doctor and tell her you have intermittent swelling in your penis and you'd like her to take a look.

It'll be swiftly followed by you being asked to leave the surgery but sit still and ask for a week off cert instead.

Captain Darling

The ghey.

some random drunk

Inventing an illness to get off work? That's ridiculous! Just tell them your granny died. If they find out she's still alive just tell them it was your other granny...

Caveman1

some random drunk wrote: »

Inventing an illness to get off work? That's ridiculous! Just tell them your granny died. If they find out she's still alive just tell them it was your other granny...

Are you Stephen Ireland ???

ebixa82

Caveman1 wrote: »

Are you Stephen Ireland ???

I think that was the joke alright

fedor.2.

abouttobebanned wrote: »

You're lucky to have a job FFS. Go in and do it or let someone else do it and you can spend your life in your arse.

Theres always one

ebixa82

Oranage2 wrote: »

So I'm about to head to the doctors - I havent decided what's wrong with me yet, I'm suppose to be in tonight, tomorrow and new years eve and day - Anybody got any suggestions with some sort illness or injury that will get me a week off.

May I give a suggestion as to what is wrong with you?

You are a lazy fcuk who is denying somebody else the opportunity to earn some cash because you want to get pissed with your mates.

Hopefull the Doctor is not stupid, will examine you, know you are lying and tell you to GTFO.

DaveDaRave

and people wonder why the country is in the state its in

not serious

Leiva

Peter ,

John here (your boss).

None of your crap now , get your ass into work as you still haven't cleaned the jacks . Make sure you get the toothbrush right under bowl and give it a good scrubbing this time .

Have them gleaming before the new year and I won't tell the fine folk on here what you got arrested for at the Christmas party .
The mother of the young 16 year male trainee is pressing charges as she said her son is now walking like John Wayne after dismounting a horse .

You really need to calm down your sexual urges.

Now get in here quickly and none of your messing !

irelandspurs

Tell him you think your gay and can't face going into work,he probably insert the finger to confirm.

fedor.2.

ebixa82 wrote: »

May I give a suggestion as to what is wrong with you?

You are a lazy fcuk who is denying somebody else the opportunity to earn some cash because you want to get pissed with your mates.

Hopefull the Doctor is not stupid, will examine you, know you are lying and tell you to GTFO.

Make that two

Crazy Horse 6

Bad back has worked like a charm for me in the past several times.

Son Of A Vidic

OP, find someone who has no job, tell them you can't be arsed working and the kick to your balls will guarantee you a couple of days off.

3ndahalfof6

ebixa82 wrote: »

May I give a suggestion as to what is wrong with you?

You are a lazy fcuk who is denying somebody else the opportunity to earn some cash because you want to get pissed with your mates.

Hopefull the Doctor is not stupid, will examine you, know you are lying and tell you to GTFO.

would it not be the case if the OP did not go into work someone else would do their shifts, earning extra cash,

win win.

jonnyfingers

Say you've got the scutters. Very hard to confirm the diagnosis for a doctor, so just say you're getting dehydrated all the time with the amount of scuttery liquid coming out of you every 10 minutes.

Doctor will prescribe plenty of rest, and to keep drinking water until it clears up.

mattjack

Oranage2 wrote: »

So I'm about to head to the doctors - I havent decided what's wrong with me yet, I'm suppose to be in tonight, tomorrow and new years eve and day - Anybody got any suggestions with some sort illness or injury that will get me a week off.

How many doctor's are you going too ?

xzanti

Tell him/her that you're having unwelcome thoughts and that you feel like you're going to have a meltdown.

Not only will you get a cert but you'll probably be offered some nice prescription happy pills to enjoy on your week off.

Quality

Vomiting bug. No one wants a pukey scuttery eejit in work!

WIZE

It seems to be the Winter Vomiting Bug at the moment

You may be able to use that

But Personally you have a job and if your work collagues are depending on you to come in then suck it up and go in

I am pie

fedor.2. wrote: »

Make that two

Make that 3.

Shame that someone with a responsible attitude doesn't have the job. Hope you are not counting on getting decent treatment from the boss in future. It will be crystal clear what you're up to.

Oranage2

LOL at the trolls saying how lucky I am to have a job - I think everyone has taking atleast one sick day in their life so the people saying that probably never worked a day in their lives.


And I worked triple time christmas day and stephans day so the tax man is going to have his way with me if I work anymore, also it's quite depressing working all over christmas not being able to socialize with friends or see family.

Plazaman

I went to the hospital to see my Doctor the other day. I had to, he was sick....




* Gets coat

Thank you Mr Cooper

I am pie

Oranage2 wrote: »

LOL at the trolls saying how lucky I am to have a job - I think everyone has taking atleast one sick day in their life so the people saying that probably never worked a day in their lives.


And I worked triple time christmas day and stephans day so the tax man is going to have his way with me if I work anymore, also it's quite depressing working all over christmas not being able to socialize with friends or see family.

You are lucky to have a job.

Oranage2

I am pie wrote: »

You are lucky to have a job.

Nope wrong again - 1.5 people out of 10 dont have a job that are capable of working - You'd be unlucky not to have one.

Poor Uncle Tom

Oranage2 wrote: »

Nope wrong again - 1.5 people out of 10 dont have a job that are capable of working - You'd be unlucky not to have one.

Your attitude stinks......maybe you can get time off for that.

Oranage2

This thread is getting off topic - God I hate trolls -


So what ailments do the good folk of AH us to get a few days off that just involves rest.

mikedragon32

Then perhaps you should quit and go find a job with better hours/conditions in the new year? I'm sure your friends/family will subsidise your social life in the meantime.

Oranage2 wrote:

LOL at the trolls

That's a bit rich coming from you.

mattjack

Oranage2 wrote: »

This thread is getting off topic - God I hate trolls -


So what ailments do the good folk of AH us to get a few days off that just involves rest.

How about eating the last of the turkey ?

Killgore Trout

Oranage2 wrote: »

also it's quite depressing working all over christmas not being able to socialize with friends or see family.

Need to HTFU

daithi1970

Don't you think that your HR dept won't be just a little bit suspicious if you chuck a sickie on new years eve? If you knew that you were due to work all the days over Christmas/New Year, should'nt you have tried to swap out with somebody else??
Suck it up, FFS.

3ndahalfof6

I once called work and told them I was sick.

Azureus

Oranage2 wrote: »

LOL at the trolls saying how lucky I am to have a job - I think everyone has taking atleast one sick day in their life so the people saying that probably never worked a day in their lives.


And I worked triple time christmas day and stephans day so the tax man is going to have his way with me if I work anymore, also it's quite depressing working all over christmas not being able to socialize with friends or see family.

Yes, people have taken sick days in their lives-for being sick. Its kinda in the name?? I've taken two sick days in five years-for genuine reasons, and it pisses me off when colleagues leave me in the lurch because they want to go on the lash/hungover etc. Suck it up.
As regards the taxman, you can claim any excess tax back. You poor thing getting triple time-I worked Christmas Eve and Stephens day for a flat rate, you can give some of that extra money to me if you dont want it going to the tax office.

Oranage2 wrote: »

This thread is getting off topic - God I hate trolls -


So what ailments do the good folk of AH us to get a few days off that just involves rest.

Its not trolling just because somebody doesnt agree with you.

But I'd go with diarrhoea/food poisoning if your hellbent. No doc asks for evidence for that!
Bad back will work aswell-say you put it out lifting all those amazing pressies you bought yourself on the promise of triple time pay

mattjack

Oranage2 wrote: »

So I'm about to head to the doctors - I havent decided what's wrong with me yet, I'm suppose to be in tonight, tomorrow and new years eve and day - Anybody got any suggestions with some sort illness or injury that will get me a week off.

Bet you're sick you came in here looking for help.

3ndahalfof6

tell the doc your balls festered and are stuck to the sides of your legs, or just tell the boss.

ebixa82

Oranage2 wrote: »

So I'm about to head to the doctors - I havent decided what's wrong with me yet, I'm suppose to be in tonight, tomorrow and new years eve and day - Anybody got any suggestions with some sort illness or injury that will get me a week off.

Is being a useless cnut an illness? If so, I'd try that..

bnt

Well, don't try and claim you have Lupus. It's never Lupus.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bueW1i9kQao

I am pie

You could spend your time more profitably looking up the definition of a troll.

Here's what a troll isn't....someone who thinks that calling in sick and letting down their colleagues so they can go off out on the beer deserves a pat on the back.

I hope to god some poor shcmuck doesn't have to work their ar3e off and have a thouroughly miserable night because you weren't mature and responsible enough to arrange your fecking holidays properly.

Sounds pretty selfish to me.

gerryo777

Oranage2 wrote: »

LOL at the trolls saying how lucky I am to have a job - I think everyone has taking atleast one sick day in their life so the people saying that probably never worked a day in their lives.


And I worked triple time christmas day and stephans day so the tax man is going to have his way with me if I work anymore, also it's quite depressing working all over christmas not being able to socialize with friends or see family.

There's only one troll on this thread!!!

TheZohanS

Here's your sick note.

You owe me €50, just change the date and the name.

KK4SAM

Plazaman wrote: »

Just say you have elephantitis of the scrotum. You'll laugh, the Doctor will laugh, then you say "No seriously, I need a cert for a week".

Hmm Elephantiasis of the Scrotum. That could be a bit of a Drawback.:eek:

KeithM89_old

Thats enough of that. I wonder which troll is gonna get banned.