The boss exploits my good nature!

CyberDave

I'm writing this in an absolute fury. My boss was good enough last year to give me a job when I was out of work. He didn't really have a vacancy, but he made one. Since then one of the others have left so I have been made permanent. Problem is, he seems to think I owe him one still, despite the countless hours of overtime and how obliging I have been to him over the year.

I saved my holidays and Time-in-lieu so I could take extra time off when our new baby was born. They called me and asked me to return to work a day early. That really got up my nose, but in this climate (or indeed in any climate) you can't really say that you were not happy with being called back. Now, in the middle of my Christmas holidays he has just left me a voice message to ask me to come into work for a half-day. He really doesn't know where to stop. I have done so much for this guy and it just never seems enough. He has led me to believe that I am earning more money than others in my Department, which I don't actually think I am.

He always tries to put the idea in my head that I owe him one, he is doing me a favour. No matter how much overtime I do, it never seems to be enough. Part of it could be down to my nature. I generally keep the head down and avoid conflict. I really could do with being a bit more assertive at times. Don't get me wrong, it's great to have a job, but employers like this guy can do whatever they want with the way the current climate is.

What should I do? Well, apart from looking for a new job, which I am doing.

Mrs OBumble

I'm not being funny ... but have you considered some assertiveness training? Pretty much every employer will take as much as you're willing to give.

TonyStark

Just tell him you are away for the week on a vacation and you can't come in for a half day - just leave him a voicemail to that effect.

The problem here is not your boss. If you're willing to work extra hours etc. He's not going to say stop. Start finishing your work on time and leaving on the dot everyday. Start saying no. If it's not in your contract to feel obligated to do extra work then you don't do any extra work - So when you do extra work you get the appropriate recognition when you do it.

If its not in your contract to be available 24/7 then you are not available 24/7 not even for a half day.

CyberDave

Things is, in my last job, I did speak up when I thought I was being treated unreasonably and . The boss got a set on me then and made me redundant a few months later. Previous to that My bosses looked after me (and the other employees) very well. I guess I'm just even more afriad to speak up than normal after the last job.

I could do with some assertiveness, there is no doubt about that. Some things he requests really, really piss me off and I just allow it to fester rather than speak up. He thinks we all have no life outside work, that it is perfectly natural to work 11/12 hour days 5 days a week. I'm wrecked most evenings, I just can't be bothered doing anything else. It's sickening.

okiss

I would leave a voice mail message on your boss phone telling them you can't work over this Christmas holidays as your not at home.
After Christmas when you go back to work I would finish on time each day.
If your boss says anything I would let them know the hours you worked over past year and that you came a day early despite having kept your holidays/ time in liue for when your baby was born. I would tell your boss you don't mind working extra hours for a set period of time once you get paid or time off in lieu but you can no longer work 50/60 hours a week. Tell them you are not available to work when you are on holidays. If they don't get the message get there home phone number/ mobile number and ring them at the most inconvient times. The following times will annoy most people 7.00 on a Sat or Sunday morning, 1.15 Sunday lunch time and 8.00 in the evening if they have small children. If you are up with your baby at 4.00 some morning give your boss a ring then & let them hear a crying baby down the phone.
If your boss other half starts to answer these calls you wont have any further problems.

Mrs OBumble

CyberDave wrote: »

He thinks we all have no life outside work, that it is perfectly natural to work 11/12 hour days 5 days a week.

And there are some people who are happy to do this, too. (I have arguments with them here, from time to time, about whether it's really possible to work 60 hours/week, even if you want to )

I wouldn't advise being as radical as the others have - it is still an employer's market. But you do need to work out your own limits, and ways to enforce them. Only you can know what's appropriate in your case, and what risks you're prepared to take re redundancy etc.

wayfarers

It does sound like he's taking the p!ss now, especially as you filled a vacant position after a colleague left. How stable is your job at the mo'? Are you able to tell him to eff off (politely)?

CyberDave

JustMary wrote: »

And there are some people who are happy to do this, too. (I have arguments with them here, from time to time, about whether it's really possible to work 60 hours/week, even if you want to ).

I would have no problem working the hours if I was getting a good wage, but it's average. I know people on nearly twice what I get doing similar hours. It isn't 50/60 hours every week, but most jobs are behind schedule when I get them. It's just the way it works in the Print Industry, I can't change that. I can't do stuff like ring him up at unreasonable times, he is the boss afterall.

Yesterday, I did leave him a Voicemail telling him I was in to visit my sick Grandad in hospital (Not a lie by the way). I had also planned after that to spend the vouchers I had received as Christmas presents. One of these was for a phone, so my phone has been down since 5.30pm yesterday the sim card wasn't working. I sent him a text off my wife's phone with our landline number, so he can call if he needs me. He hasn't called. I have done all I could do. He really f&%ked up my plans for yesterday and really pissed me off. My search for something better will continue, but I just hope he doesn't turn on me when I go back next week.

CyberDave

Of course the @?)*(^$ has gone and rang my home number. I have to go in tomorrow. I'm am raging beyond belief, but of course it's probably my own fault for not speaking up. I already made an excuse yesterday to say I was in the Hospital with my Grandad, but he still had the neck to follow up and ask me again. Raging!!

What adds to the annoyance is that he had asked one of the other guys that lived nearer to work than me and he refused, saying that he would be away. There are two non-nationals also that could do they job (also living nearer to work than me), but it seems that they are treated better than us Irish. Extra time off at Christmas and Easter and hardly any overtime.

CyberDave

Of course the @?)*(^$ has gone and rang my home number. I have to go in tomorrow. I'm am raging beyond belief, but of course it's probably my own fault for not speaking up. I already made an excuse yesterday to say I was at the Hospital with my Grandad, but he still had the neck to follow up and ask me again. Raging!!

What adds to the annoyance is that he had asked one of the other guys that lived nearer to work than me and he refused, saying that he would be away. There are two non-nationals also that could do they job (also living nearer to work than me), but it seems that they are treated better than us Irish. Extra time off at Christmas and Easter and hardly any overtime.

Seen as I can't build up the courage to refuse to his face, I think I might put my grievances in an email after tomorrow. What do people think of this idea?

rainbowtrout

CyberDave wrote: »

What adds to the annoyance is that he had asked one of the other guys that lived nearer to work than me and he refused, saying that he would be away. There are two non-nationals also that could do they job (also living nearer to work than me), but it seems that they are treated better than us Irish. Extra time off at Christmas and Easter and hardly any overtime.

You didn't have to agree to go in tomorrow, you could have refused like your work colleague. Instead of making up excuses on a daily basis like you are doing now, you should have just said you are not available for the week.

It's non your work colleagues fault that they appear to be treated better than you. They have probably been asked in the past and have firmly said no, so they weren't asked again. Don't take it out on them.

CyberDave

I just find it very, very unfair that anyone would even ask this of any of their employees without plenty of notice. I would never dream of it. Everyone is entitled to their time off, without interuption.

I had more faith in people than this I suppose. He knows how easy I am to manipulate and takes full advantage. He seemed like Mr. Nice Guy at the start. He told me how he knew I wouldn't drop tools at 5pm like the others and that I was earning more money because of this. Guilt tripping, making me think I owed him something. I would never have taken this job if I wasn't desperate to have one. I'm probably spoiled as well, with the previous places I have worked. Neither of my previous positions would have requested this, over time was a rarity and I was generally looked after far better than this s&%thole.

The only way I can get back at him is to leave him in the lurch as soon as I can. Get out of there. It's hard to change their perception of me now that they have been blackguarding me all along.

BostonB

1st off don't wimp out with email and texts that just not nice and a bit pathetic.

This is a habit thats built up over time, and its not going to change overnight.

Ultimately you need to go find another job. If you can't find one, then you know how important this one is to you. Only then can you decide how much you can risk this one by refusing to do extra work.

LegacyUser

Cyber Dave when you go into work tomorrow tell you boss that you are not giving up anymore holiday time to help him have a job done.
That you have done your share of this after coming back early when your baby was born despite having holidays and time in luie built up and have helped him out now again.
It is a pity that he has your home number as he will ring you always to do these s*** jobs when other people tell him no.
I would also let him know you are no longer going to work 50 -60 hours a week.
Your health will suffer and your partner I imagine is not not happy been left on her own with a small baby.
I would also be looking hard for another job.
As another person said in this post get your boss number and start to call him at as often a possible at bad times.

Mrs OBumble

CyberDave wrote: »

... it's probably my own fault for not speaking up.

...

There are two non-nationals also that could do they job (also living nearer to work than me), but it seems that they are treated better than us Irish. Extra time off at Christmas and Easter and hardly any overtime.

Umm, ... firstly calm down, no point in raging over this. Any chance you're really angry with yourself for saying yes, than with him?

Second, do you get paid an hourly rate for every hour you work, or are you salaried and getting the same amount no matter how long you work for. I'm suspecting the former - in which case many people would think that it's the Irish who are being favoured by being given extra hours whenever they are available. Unless you communicate to your manager that you'd like less hours, then s/he probably thinks you want the work.

LegacyUser

The non nationals ref is uncalled for IMO and shows you up a bit.
Bottom line; man up and deal with the situation. It isn't complicated to be honest, and as another poster suggested; consider an assertiveness course, or some sort of social skills training, if you cannot deal with this on your own initiative.

Kimia

CyberDave wrote: »

I sent him a text off my wife's phone with our landline number, so he can call if he needs me.

CyberDave wrote: »

Of course the @?)*(^$ has gone and rang my home number. I have to go in tomorrow.

Dave, look at the above quotes. You are basically telling him it's ok to treat you like this, he probably has no idea you are raging.

TonyStark

CyberDave wrote: »

I just find it very, very unfair that anyone would even ask this of any of their employees without plenty of notice. I would never dream of it. Everyone is entitled to their time off, without interuption.

I had more faith in people than this I suppose. He knows how easy I am to manipulate and takes full advantage. He seemed like Mr. Nice Guy at the start. He told me how he knew I wouldn't drop tools at 5pm like the others and that I was earning more money because of this. Guilt tripping, making me think I owed him something. I would never have taken this job if I wasn't desperate to have one. I'm probably spoiled as well, with the previous places I have worked. Neither of my previous positions would have requested this, over time was a rarity and I was generally looked after far better than this s&%thole.

The only way I can get back at him is to leave him in the lurch as soon as I can. Get out of there. It's hard to change their perception of me now that they have been blackguarding me all along.

You are essentially blaming your boss for your failure to set out some ground markers when asked to do some overtime. From what you have set out, you haven't done this and built up a situation in your head which actually doesn't exist.

Boss: Hey I need you to come in for some overtime for Christmas.
You: Sorry, I'm on leave for those days and I plan to spend it with my family. My family is very important to me.
Boss: Oh that's ok, Have a good xmas and see you in then new year.
You: Same to you boss, see you in the new year.

krd

JustMary wrote: »

I'm not being funny ... but have you considered some assertiveness training? Pretty much every employer will take as much as you're willing to give.

Assertiveness, especially in this day, will get you sacked.

And I think the majority of managers are so inadequate as people, they can't cope with even the slightest assertiveness.

It's one reason, older people are less likely to be hired by some companies. As you get older, you become more assertive.

And something about favours. A very important life lesson. Some people, you have to be very very very careful accepting a favour from them. Even a small one. They will believe you know owe them your life.

Marcin_diy

OP
You are telling us that your boss exploit your good nature, and then you give him your home number???

First of all after listening to the voicemail I would just delete it and ignore, and wouldn't answer calls from boss when I'm off.

Secondly next time you are off tell your boss that you are flying somewhere for holiday.

Stop blaming immigrants that you can't say no and give your home number to your boss.... immigrants have nothing to do with this.

krd

JustMary wrote: »

Second, do you get paid an hourly rate for every hour you work, or are you salaried and getting the same amount no matter how long you work for.

I'm suspecting the former - in which case many people would think that it's the Irish who are being favoured by being given extra hours whenever they are available. Unless you communicate to your manager that you'd like less hours, then s/he probably thinks you want the work.

I know both Irish, and non-nationals, very well. Many non-nationals are paranoid about being abused because they're not Irish. And then some Irish people are having the same paranoia about non-nationals.

Overall, I think non-nationals are getting the most abuse. I've heard from some of my Polish friends about places they worked where most of the staff were Polish but all the line managers were Irish. And I know Pakistani and Indian people who really get treated like sh1t.

There's a lot of personal politics goes on in jobs.

Assertiveness and competence does not get you promoted to management. Ass kissing, and not being intelligent enough to be a threat to your boss, does.

beertons

Never give the boss your home phone number. Your wife will have to answer it the whole time nxow, unless you have a caller display thing on the phone. Pretend to take up golf, and when he rings to get you in, and the wife says you're playing golf in portugal, he'll back off.

I'm self employed, and i get Christmas day and good friday off, the only days pubs dont open! Man up with the excuses. A text or email is a bit soft, always ring. I can come in, but i'm bringing 4 kids with me. Go outside and answer the call facing the wind, and say sorry but you're up a mountain. Never go in on your own, always have someone else there aswell. Then the two of you can ask for time off in lieu, or extra money. Safety in numbers.

CricketDude

you made a huge mistake giving your home and wifes phone numbers. never ever do that.
change your numbers now. get an old cheap phone with a payg sim and give your boss that number. do not give him your personal number. if he complains about you not answering just say that you leave it off most of the time or have it permanently diverted to voicemail.
if he complains about leaving the phone off just say - my phone, it goes on and off when i want it on and off.. if you want to pay for the phone and for me to be on call then thats fine, but until then i control the phone.

if he does call and leave a message ignore it and ring hom back at midnight and say. sorry was in the pub, anything important. he wont be long stopping then.

Bandana boy

I gotta say on the whole I think you are getting terrible advice in this thread.

I would look at this a different way -Up to this point the boss has made you his go to guy -the guy he trusts most.
This is a good thing -do not burn it.
Remain good natured and help your boss out when you can ,but when you cannot just apologise and say you have a previous commitment you cannot break.Do not get confrontational ,do not make up excuses.

If i was in your boots I would be looking at this as a opportunity for advancement.When you have finished your first year ,I would approach your boss and ask for an improvement in terms.
Something along the likes of being made team leader and a small increase in remuneration.

Bandana boy

krd wrote: »

And I think the majority of managers are so inadequate as people, they can't cope with even the slightest assertiveness.

Maybe this is true in your experience ,but I suspect it speaks more about your attitude and a clear indicator why "inadequate people " keep getting promoted over you.

CricketDude

Bandana boy wrote: »

I gotta say on the whole I think you are getting terrible advice in this thread.

I would look at this a different way -Up to this point the boss has made you his go to guy -the guy he trusts most.
This is a good thing -do not burn it.
Remain good natured and help your boss out when you can ,but when you cannot just apologise and say you have a previous commitment you cannot break.Do not get confrontational ,do not make up excuses.

If i was in your boots I would be looking at this as a opportunity for advancement.When you have finished your first year ,I would approach your boss and ask for an improvement in terms.
Something along the likes of being made team leader and a small increase in remuneration.

Sounds like the lectures i used to get from my old boss.

I learned that when you give 120% the boss thinks its 100%.
Then when you only give 110% he thinks you are slacking off.

I used to go in most Saturdays and Sundays. I used to from 8am til 7pm every day.
One day I had an appointment and got up to leave at 5pm and the boss asked me why I was going early and that the thing I was working on needed to be finish today. So the next week I was so annoyed I started coming in at 9am leaving at 5pm every day. I got taken into his office and asked why I was leaving early and arriving late the last few days. When I said 9-5pm is not early or late, its the time everyone else leaves does. Its the time im supposed to do. He wasnt happy at all.
The next day I went looking for a new job. Got one with a salary that was 30% more than the one i was getting (which the boss always told me was a great salary) for the very same job but doing normal hours.

I wont ever make that mistake again. Lesson learned the hard way.

I also learned that you never increase your salary and conditions as much by staying in a job as you do by sending your CV off and moving job. But thats for another thread.

CyberDave

OK, so maybe it was stupid giving him my Home number. But, I only did this after waiting until the following morning (having received the call at 1pm), thinking that he may have got someone else to do the job in the meantime. Also, I am so s**tless of loosing my job that I don't want any chances. As I have mentioned I have a new baby daughter and we are in the middle of building our own house, I simply cannot afford to jeopardise my job, bad and all as it is.

As regards the Non-Nationals, they are probably on really crap money and if this is the case I don't blame them for doing the minimum. The boss actually thinks that these guys are great because they do all this work for such a low wage. As far as I can see he thinks I am being overpaid, which is why he is trying to get as much as possible out of me. I can assure you I'm not being overpaid. I am getting an average wage for someone who has my level of experience.

I'm not trying to defend myself as being completely blameless in this situation, I do need to be more assertive. However, the boss has seen that I am not and is using it to his advantage.