friend cheating before marraige

LegacyUser

hi

a good friend of mine who asked me to be his groomsman for his 2012 wedding has met a girl in work and is meeting her regular, initially my reaction wasnt to give him a hard time as i know that doesent help i was there as a mate just to tell him maybe just keep it distant maybe its just nerves before taking tieing the knot, so this weds (the 21st dec) him, his fiance and another newly married couple we all know met up and i joined them later we had a nice evening catching up,...

so xmas eve we went for a drink as his fiance is home for the holidays i thaught it would be nice to just have some blokeish catch up etc... were havin a grand time and in walks what i can only discribe as a t@rt, its xmas eve and shes dressed up to the nines in leopard skin boots and short hotpants massive fake nails on... it was reely quite laughable if it didnt draw so much attention to us at the bar and disrupt the whole relaxed xmas eve vibe we had a few drinks but knowing what i know already about this side romance it was quite uncomfortable for me,...

on rolls stephens night i went out with my sis and her bf and a few other people not reely hearing from the mate only knowing that he was out again and we would meet up, then as im walkin across town i see him another mutual friend and this same wan up walkin along the road i stopped to talk them for a sec and just mentioned forcefully that out of town is prob the best for that kinda thing i was stumpped i reely didnt know what to say theres no point giving a good mate a bolliking if hes unhappy being engaged but it doesent seam so as we only met with his fiance last week b4 she went home for xmas hols,.. this is reely upsettin to me as ive been asked to be his groomsman and were the best of mates since teens so i dont know if hes havin a bit of a meltdown with the wedding nxt yr or what but waiting till the woman goes home then spending 2nights with this woman in a small enough town kinda angers me

Taltos

OP - agree with SF here. If this is affecting you so much then I suggest you step-down as groomsman.

You could inform him that if asked you will say that you cannot be part of a charade of a marriage... - this will though lose you your friend.

Hopefully this will shock him into doing something.

I am a friend

I agree with the above... he is going to get caught sooner or later. If you have any respect for the institute of marriage, you need to step back from being part of the farce.... If he marries his fiancee while shagging around he will most likely ruin her life.. Do you want to be part of that?

dixiefly

What about speaking to the best man or one of his other friends. Could a couple of you approach him about it?

Is this a new thing for him? Has he been like this in the past?

curlzy

Sorry OP, but your mate sounds like a pathetic scumbag. Is he such a coward that he'd rather make a total show of himself with sl*ppers and embarrass his g/f in the process, than just end the engagement? Seriously OP, he isn't a good person by the sounds of it. So yeah I'd be backing out of that wedding and I'd also tell him why.

mylittlepony

hey, I wonder does this woman know that he have a fiancee and getting married next year?? :eek:
If not, whats stopping you to let her know and then she can take it from there? She can confront him or cut him loose.
Who knows, maybe this would be a wake up call to choose between one of them or give them up and start afresh?
You dont have to be direct with her, just discreet as if you thought she knew she the mistress. Gosh, who knows, she could be married herself, etc.

cazzzzz

It's obvious you don't agree with it and I can't believe someone would do that to someone they've asked to marry them.

You either need to step down as best man or tell the fiancée about it. You can't let this one slide, he has no respect for the woman he's planning on marrying and your friend clearly has no issue with you knowing about it either?

I know you've been friends since teens, however, if he goes on to marry this woman it could be a terrible terrible situation. The poor woman.

OS119

cazzzzz wrote: »

You either need to step down as best man or tell the fiancée about it. You can't let this one slide, he has no respect for the woman he's planning on marrying and your friend clearly has no issue with you knowing about it either?

this is my view.

normally i'm a proponant of staying the hell out of other peoples love lives, however in this case he's smearing you in his muck, and you, along with others, are going to catch it hot when this inevitably goes pear shaped - so as well as not caring that that he's shafting his wife-to-be, he doesn't care that he's shafting you: both of which tell me that you'd be foolish to think him a 'great friend'.

my prefered solution would be to talk to him directly, tell him that he has got to talk to his fiance RTFN as his 'secret' is now out, he's blown it right into the public domain with his idiot behaviour and its only a matter of time before she finds out and goes mental. personally, i wouldn't count on him doing that, and you'll face a choice about whether to go to the wedding or not - i would say not, and be prepared to end the friendship.

the reason is simple - if he can betray his fiance in this way, he can to it to a mere 'friend', and he's made no effort whatsoever shelter you, or his other 'friends' from this - infact he's roped you all in big style, and unless you're prepared to tell his fiance to he face, and in his presence, that he's been playing away, you're going to be forced to cover for him.

some friend.

Neyite

I doubt he will mourn the loss of your friendship the way you will. It seems like all you are is a cover story for him to be "going out with the lads" when in reality he is getting his hole.