How to talk to girls? Getting completely denied, apart from one strange encounter

LegacyUser

I'm 20 years old and still a virgin admittedly is this weird? I'm of good confidence which is a good thing to say about myself since all of my friends totally lack any and lately have been really annoying me. When we go out all they do is just sit and do nothing!

Last night I wanted to for the first time in my lonely life to actually talk to girls. I think I'm OK looking (I'm a little overweight and working on it) but I think my somewhat good looks and confidence might get me somewhere. I actually NEVER approached girls before! I was under the impression that girls and boys mainly got off with each other on the dance floor in nightclubs and the day of "pulling" was gone? Anyway, I was in a pub before the nightclub with my friends, who were just sitting on their own... and me pissed off at our situation.

I was dreading going talking to girls, let alone on my own! I'd never done it before literally! And I thought "fck it, I'll just do it!" But I was alone, and felt dumb. I walked up to some girl I thought was cute, then as I got close, I seen her with all her friends at a table and was like "turn around" and I literally walked away. I chickened out! It actually is hard, I just made sure to smile at every girl I thought was cute, I got no real smiles back =[ It kinda hurt

I then got talking to a group of girls that were about 30 or so :L I got lucky since my cousin was there and she brought me into the group. I introduced myself to this one girl and she did to me, and I complimented her bracelet, and she was happy with that, and made small talk about christmas etc, then she lost interest. In fact I don't think there was interest at all to begin with=[ Really hurt me, but I moved on.

This is the "strange encounter" I talked about, I got talking to another girl in the group and she was nice, then she was like "do you wanna see my piercing?" so I was like yeah ok (we got talking bout piercings since I have some done) and she showed me, it was like in between her boobs :L and she was showing quite some skin. So I said has it healed, she said yes, so I went so this doesn't hurt so, and I touched it. (she laughed and didn't seem to mind, in my head it seemed like such a dickish move, but hey, she seemed keen!). She was then all like you can touch it some more if you like, it wont hurt. And she kinda let me feel her up a little!? She pulled her top down more showing more cleavage and I like started getting a bit more romeo with her :L I felt like such a weirdo but she was all for it, so I was like em have i pulled? She was kinda drunk though! So she just literally walked off to go somewhere and never came back? I felt so dumb

I got so nervous when I actually approached girls, who do I approach, do girls think its weird seeing a guy like me on his own approaching them? Or is it HOT?! What do I say, I smiled and just made small talk mostly but I don't think my confidence can make up for my somewhat lack of good looks? I try not to be like other guys or predictable, and I just be myself, but, any input from females here? Help!

LegacyUser

Hi!
You sound like a decent guy. I'm a woman so heres my two cents. First of all, no its not weird that your a virgin at 20. I have known several men (and some women) who have chosen not to have sex well into their twenties for various reasons. The main one seeming to be that they weren't interested in having sex with someone who they didn't actually care about or have some emotional connection with. Theres no reason it should put a woman off going out with you. In terms of experience, dont worry too much about not having much, that comes with getting to know someone. Nobody becomes a great lover from one night stands, so dont think you need to loose your virginity to please a woman.

It can be very daunting approaching strangers, I find that striding across the room towards a particular person, gives the strider time to loose their nerve and can make the person being approached feel like they're being ambushed. My advice would be to try chatting to women that are around you, or make your way near them without it seeming like your purposely intending to strike up a conversation. It sounds like your ok at chatting to women once you've been introduced. So take the pressure off and try things like (if your a smoker) asking for a light, or commenting on the bar being busy or whatever while your waiting to be served. That way you can get an idea if they're at least friendly and willing to engage in conversation.

Your "strange encounter" was a tipsy girl who fancied you and was obviously flirting with you but maybe saw that you felt uncomfortable with the proceedings and lost interest.

It sounds like the woman in her 30's was friendly to you and probably liked chatting to you for a while but to her you were her friends much younger cousin so probably not a person she would have seen as a potential love interest. Your possibly coming across as a bit formal and stiff, but Im sure thats due to nerves and with practice you should start feeling more relaxed. It might help to get to know some women as friends and not just see them as people to be chatted up, and then rating the conversation in terms of pulling success.

I hope thats of some help to you. Best of luck!

Beir Bua

I suggest not looking for women in clubs/pubs. I've always found it difficult and in clubs I've always felt outside my comfort zone.

I suggest taking up some hobbies, anything really that has mixed groups get friendly with people then if you meet one you like and you click then ask them out. From what you wrote it seems you went up to women with the express aim of pulling them, personally speaking that has never worked for me, I go for the "friends first" approach and just chat to people with no aim, only to pass the time and get to know knew people. After a while you will learn the difference between a friendly chat and when you "click" with someone. If you go with the aim of "making a new friend" and not "getting the ride" you won't get that devastating feeling of rejection, you will make new friends too and above all have fun, thats what it is about. Women pick up that you are not just talking to them to get them into bed, unfortunately for women in nightclubs thats a novelty, and that in itself seems to be attractive to girls who often spend a significant portion of a "fun" night out shooting down guys who run around from one group of women to another trying to pull, don't be that guy! Women seem to be telepathic sometimes, they can sniff out desperation from a mile away.

Of course its hard to do that in a nightclub yelling above crap music, so as I said find hobbies, mixed groups where you can meet new people and properly talk. Even if you don't get a girlfriend this way you will make a ton of new friends and you won't be wasting energy in nightclubs then lying awake wondering what you did wrong, or whats wrong with you because you can't do the "talk to a girl for two seconds then be eating her face" trick many pull off in nightclubs, I never got it.

So to recap, just be friendly and something will click with someone. I've always found that the most worthwhile way of getting a girlfriend, all my relationships have developed from simple friendships, friendship is a terrific foundation for a good relationship imo. Be friendly, things may naturally develop from there.

Now, as for being a virgin at 20, perfectly normal and absolutely tons of men are in the exact same position as you. There seems to be a ridiculous stigma in being a virgin, what rubbish. That is mostly in your mind. This societal pressure built up over years through secondary school (bet no one admitted they were a virgin, most probably were) is tremendously unfair and harmful on girls and boys. Girls can feel pressured into having sex before they really want to (everyone else is doing it like!!) and guys can get tremendously down about it, thinking they are some type of freak or loser for not having had sex. It's very sad, and it makes me angry.

When you are a virgin you build sex up as being this utterly fantastic thing, it can be, but the overwhelming feeling after your first time is something like "THATS IT?" Sex is the most hyped thing on the planet bar none. Your first time will not live up to your expectations, physically anyway. Tends to be quite awkward. It's really not that big of a deal, hard as it may be for you to see that.

Think about not letting your first time be a ONS, sex is so much better when you have it with someone you have an emotional connection with and trust. Now that might sound like something you would only hear said to a woman but its applicable to men too. You will look back in years to come at your first time, corny as it sounds, make it a good memory and not an awkward, hushed fumbling one on your bed in your parents house complete with waking up a very hungover girl at 7am and kicking her out before your parents get up. Cingetacular. I wish I waited!

Just remember, being a virgin is no big deal, especially at 20. Lots of other guys are, as well as lots of women too. When you find yourself in some form of a relationship, don't worry about it. Just go with the flow and maybe explain that you aren't that experienced, any girl worth her salt will be cool about it and perhaps even a bit relieved, she mightn't be very experienced herself. The key to good sex is communication, just ask what she likes, some guys expect to magically know how to blow their girls mind, she knows her body best, just ask what she likes. Remember, practice makes perfect!

I agree with the previous poster, you do seem like a good guy, good luck.

TheLynx

when you get the money, you get the power
when you get the power, you get the women

Ickle Magoo

TheLynx,

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Katgurl

Actually OP it sounds to me like you're doing ok so just continue on as you are. Keep talking to girls, all girls and it'll become second nature.

Skuxx

Definetly agree with not going on the pull in clubs! Girls in clubs get constantly hassled by guys who only want to bed them, and because of this their guard is sky high and they reject guys without a second thought, because they can! They know another will be along in a few minutes!! As you said, this is knocking you back, but every guys gets it, so head up and forget about it!!
Clubs and societies are the way to go! If your in college, join as many clubs and socs as you can, get to know people as friends and take it from there!
Of all the girls I ever pulled in a nightclub, I'd say 85% I never met again, maybe a week or 2 of texting and thats that! My current gf works in my local shop, I got to know her from going in and out, asked her out one day and havn't looked back since!!
In regard to being a virgin at 20, nothing unusual at all! In reality, if people were being perfectly honest, I reckon we'd be surprised how many people are/ were virgins to that age and beyond!! Your time will come, everyones does! Don't force it because that certainly won't help!!

Scanlas The 2nd

If I had to give one piece of advice to my 13 year old self about women it would be don't try to impress women. As soon as a woman realises your trying to impress her she loses interest sexually.

I think the key for you at the moment should be to focus on talking to lots of women and not on getting sex. Just remember to be relaxed, playful and to take charge, you have to make things happen. Being relaxed is easier said than done, but the more women you approach the more relaxed you become over time and the more you can enjoy yourself. Self amusement should be your primary goal when chatting up women. I think nightclubs are a good place to approach women as it's a fun, social environment with lots of women to talk to and a good place to amuse yourself, but talk to women wherever you feel like. Also remember you are good enough as you are, you don't need anyone's approval.

floorpie

You're doing fine, just keep doing what you're doing. And try to focus less on the 'i felt so dumb' parts.

fluffybiscuits

shoshosho wrote: »

I'm 20 years old and still a virgin admittedly is this weird? I'm of good confidence which is a good thing to say about myself since all of my friends totally lack any and lately have been really annoying me. When we go out all they do is just sit and do nothing!

Last night I wanted to for the first time in my lonely life to actually talk to girls. I think I'm OK looking (I'm a little overweight and working on it) but I think my somewhat good looks and confidence might get me somewhere. I actually NEVER approached girls before! I was under the impression that girls and boys mainly got off with each other on the dance floor in nightclubs and the day of "pulling" was gone? Anyway, I was in a pub before the nightclub with my friends, who were just sitting on their own... and me pissed off at our situation.

I was dreading going talking to girls, let alone on my own! I'd never done it before literally! And I thought "fck it, I'll just do it!" But I was alone, and felt dumb. I walked up to some girl I thought was cute, then as I got close, I seen her with all her friends at a table and was like "turn around" and I literally walked away. I chickened out! It actually is hard, I just made sure to smile at every girl I thought was cute, I got no real smiles back =[ It kinda hurt

I then got talking to a group of girls that were about 30 or so :L I got lucky since my cousin was there and she brought me into the group. I introduced myself to this one girl and she did to me, and I complimented her bracelet, and she was happy with that, and made small talk about christmas etc, then she lost interest. In fact I don't think there was interest at all to begin with=[ Really hurt me, but I moved on.

This is the "strange encounter" I talked about, I got talking to another girl in the group and she was nice, then she was like "do you wanna see my piercing?" so I was like yeah ok (we got talking bout piercings since I have some done) and she showed me, it was like in between her boobs :L and she was showing quite some skin. So I said has it healed, she said yes, so I went so this doesn't hurt so, and I touched it. (she laughed and didn't seem to mind, in my head it seemed like such a dickish move, but hey, she seemed keen!). She was then all like you can touch it some more if you like, it wont hurt. And she kinda let me feel her up a little!? She pulled her top down more showing more cleavage and I like started getting a bit more romeo with her :L I felt like such a weirdo but she was all for it, so I was like em have i pulled? She was kinda drunk though! So she just literally walked off to go somewhere and never came back? I felt so dumb

I got so nervous when I actually approached girls, who do I approach, do girls think its weird seeing a guy like me on his own approaching them? Or is it HOT?! What do I say, I smiled and just made small talk mostly but I don't think my confidence can make up for my somewhat lack of good looks? I try not to be like other guys or predictable, and I just be myself, but, any input from females here? Help!

Well you said it yourself, you have some confidence, a lot of blokes in clubs are very afraid of approaching women and sit there with their mates leering or just staring the poor women out of it. I cant say do not be nervous but just go over and say hello, dont even think about being nervous and what comes next is up to you Good luck!