Bullying behaviour by brother

LegacyUser

Basically, my brother(21) and i work during the week Mon-Fri (we live in rented accommodation he in Cork and im in Dublin). He comes home every weekend and i get home every 2/3 weeks so its mostly just my mam and him at the weekends. He is a very difficult person to live with. Last night for example i taped a film and when i went to play it today i found he had taken it out of the dvd played and threw it in the magazine rack among the papers and magazines there. The Cd was all scratched of course and it wouldn't play for me. On Christmas eve my mam gave out to him a little because he locked the garage and wouldn't give her the key. Then he spent Christmas Day in a mood in his room. He even destroyed the crackers on us by ripping the middle bit where the toy is. Mam is destroyed by his behaviour which we both describe as controlling and bullying. He has a good job and likes that but he is a nightmare at home. She wants him to move out but doesn't know what to say. Chances are that he won't leave anyways.

cafecolour

Well, she can take two approaches - either the more direct one, telling him his behavior isn't on and she can't have him living here anymore. Or she can try a more indirect one, and say something about how she doesn't think it's good for him to come back every weekend.

To be blunt, if he doesn't 'agree' to move out, she can change the locks during the week, and be ready to call the guards if he tries anything aggressive.

Taltos

Am afraid if he is acting out so much - then all you can really do is offer to be there as support when(if) they tell him to reduce his visits or to stop them.

Either way - unfortunately your folks are right now enabling his childish behaviour - only they really are in a position to tell him to cop on and grow up.

Rhys Essien

He is 21 and acting like a 12 year old.As his brother(I dont know if you are younger or older),you need to seriously tell him to get a grip and cop the fcuk on.
If he keeps it up and your mother wants him gone,then your mother has to tell him out straight to go,and you should be there with your mother to back her up if he gets awkward.
Remind him that your mother doesnt need this $hite in her life.

LegacyUser

The thing is that most weekends its just the 2 of them and she doesn't feel strong enough to stand up to him.
He's 21 and a lot of what he does is childish and controlling. He was in the sitting room last night and when i came down this morning to watch the tv i found that he had taken the remote(i know its just a minor thing, but still..). We asked him where it was and he just shouted expletives at us, told us he hadn't taken it and slammed the door shut. I am a year older and if i went up to check his room i would be physically removed and would receive a few kicks and thumps for my effort.

The company he is with do 'projects' in various so for the last 2 months he has been in Cork and he will be moving to Galway after that for a few weeks/months. For that reason he doesn't have a base so mam doesn't want to force him to move out.

Today was fine though as he was in town for most of it. Our neighbours kids are coming over on Thursday, they are only 5 so mam is hoping that he doesn't cause any trouble for them.
Thanks for your replies i think i need to remind my mother that she doesn't need this!! This really is stressing her out.

danslevent

Has your brother always been this bullying and controlling or is this a relatively new development? If it is new, his behaviour could be a cry for help, have you tried asking him what's going on? Why he is so angry all the time? I'm not saying his behaviour is justifiable but there could be something going on beneath the surface....