in danger of being a rebound??

LegacyUser

Hi all, any advice welcome here.

Met a guy in a nightclub the other week, got talking, exchanged numbers, he was texting me all week. We went on a date a few days ago. One of the first things he told me was that he wasn't long out of a relationship, about 4 or 5 months. He had been going out with this girl for three years. He spoke about her for a bit, but then made an effort to avoid talking about her. He is a really nice guy, shy but there is something very nice about him.

It is very early days, but I would be interested in going on more dates with him, get to know him more, however, the fact that he is not long out of a long term relationship is giving me doubts, for a number of reasons. I am wondering if he is looking for someone to fill that 'void' that a relationship leaves, e.g. texting, having someone to talk to etc. or he could literally be looking for a replacement for his previous girlfriend.

From talking to him, he seems to be lonely and not fully content with his lot at the moment. I fear he sees a new relationship as a band aid for these emotions. He is a little bit needy and dependent, that came across even on the first date, I had put this down to him being a quiet and shy guy, but after the date and on reflection, I am beginning to think that it is because he is no way over his break up yet.

He has already asked me on a second date, however I am thinking of stopping this before it even starts, because if he is not over his break up, it will impact on any new relationship and I have no intention in investing myself emotionally etc in a relationship where all I am is a rebound girl.

I don't even think he is aware of how cut up he is about the break up still.

Any opinions/advice welcome, thanks.

cafecolour

Eh 4 to 5 months isn't that short of time and 3 years isn't that long (esp. depending on the age). He could well be ready for another relationship.

However, you're right that if he's needy and just looking for another relationship cause that's all he knows, that's going to be a headwreck.

Honestly though, if you legitimately like him, one date is pretty quick to make a conclusion either way. I'd give it another date or two, see how he comes across (i.e. does he talk about the ex again, has he got anything else going on)

LegacyUser

Hi cafecolour,

Thank you for your reply. He is mid twenties. He said that they took a break and didn't end up getting back together, though from what I gather, she may have decided on the break, so that's another factor to consider.

Thank you for your reply, I might consider another date with him.

LegacyUser

Hi op here again, I would really like to hear a variety of opinions on my first post, so if anyone else has an opinion/ experience of my situation, I would like to hear them!

Thanks

curlzy

Hey OP,

I met my current b/f 2 months after ending a 5 year relationship. I'm now with my current b/f over 5 years and I really couldn't be happier, he's the one. In fairness though I really emotionally left the first relationship about 2 years previous to actually calling it a day. I don't think you can put rules or parameters onto when somoene gets over a relationship. I think the only thing you can do is ask him straight out if he's over the relationship and really ready to date again? Then all you can do is take it from there.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

I met my partner around 3 months after getting out of a very serious 4 year relationship. We are now together 8 years and going strong.

Give him a chance. Go on another date and see where things go.

greenprincess

Def give him a chance. About talking about his ex I can totally relate, I am 7 months out of a 4 yr relationship and i still catch myself talking about him, just because we did so much together it takes gettin used to.