Urge for revenge after being cheated on...

LegacyUser

Hey, I broke up with my long term girlfriend under not so nice terms about a year ago. I didnt get treated well on the breakup and its left me with some nasty feelings towards her. Its all amicable and friendly on the surface but truely, underneath it all I want her to know that Im doing better now then ever! When I was with her, in private to me she made fun of how her ex's new girls were fat or whatever.. very superficial and unnatractive feature to have. Now with this in mind, they say the best revenge is success and what not.. well 1 year down the line I have an unbelievably attractive girlfriend, far superior to my long term ex and I know for sure that my ex would go mad if she saw me with such a girl because of the way she is.. I have SUCH an urge to wipe her face in it. Is this normal??? Its like I cant fully let go until I know that I have had the last laugh as she really screwed me over in the past...

dudara

I actually feel kind of sorry for your new girlfriend - you clearly still have so much baggage from the previous relationship.

You need to assess where you want to be. If you want to be with your current girlfriend, then you need to stop this.

Piriz

dudara wrote: »

I actually feel kind of sorry for your new girlfriend - you clearly still have so much baggage from the previous relationship.

You need to assess where you want to be. If you want to be with your current girlfriend, then you need to stop this.

While i respect this reply and identify with the op story it is normal to seek revenge if she ****ed you over.. I wouldnt discourage it op if its eating away at you a year on.. If its therapeutic do it.. I picture message of you and new gf to her sayin happy xmas should do it

Dolbert

Piriz wrote: »

While i respect this reply and identify with the op story it is normal to seek revenge if she ****ed you over.. I wouldnt discourage it op if its eating away at you a year on.. If its therapeutic do it.. I picture message of you and new gf to her sayin happy xmas should do it

Don't do this unless you want to look pathetic. Seriously, the best thing you can do is forget about it and move on.

Kevin Duffy

Piriz wrote: »

While i respect this reply and identify with the op story it is normal to seek revenge if she ****ed you over.. I wouldnt discourage it op if its eating away at you a year on.. If its therapeutic do it.. I picture message of you and new gf to her sayin happy xmas should do it

No it's not and this is possibly the worst advice I've ever heard. Pathetic way to go on. If you ask your new girlfriend to pose for this pic and tell her where it's going, if she has any self-respect she'll realise you're not over your ex and she'll leave you.

ElleEm

OP, you were obviously really hurt by your ex, but you really need to let that all go and focus on your future.

Things didn't work out with her, which led you to where you are now! Try to be happy about that, and focus on your new relationship.

You need to really let go of the hold your ex STILL has over you. You have been broken up over a year- it is really unhealthy that you still allow her to have an effect on you.

Also, you need to consider if you are ready to be in a new relationship. Your girlfriend needs to be more to you than some girl who is more attractive than your ex. She is not a trophy for you to show off. I just noticed how you didn't say how nice a person she was, or how happy you are, it was all about the fact that your new girlfriend was "far superior" to your ex.
You even went so far as to say that you think it was an superficial and unattractive feature for your ex to have (when she commented on her ex's new girlfriends) yet you are pretty much doing the exact same thing yourself.

Da Shins Kelly

Grow up.

BarackPyjama

Da Shins Kelly wrote: »

Grow up.

^ That.

floorpie

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

No it's not and this is possibly the worst advice I've ever heard. Pathetic way to go on. If you ask your new girlfriend to pose for this pic and tell her where it's going, if she has any self-respect she'll realise you're not over your ex and she'll leave you.

Not only this, but not only will it not come across well to his current girlfriend, it'll come across poorly to his ex too. So if you want your ex to think that you're doing well, do it by trying to let go of the animosity. 'The best revenge is success'...i've usually heard that saying as 'the best revenge is living well', and trying to figure out the best way to rub your ex's face in it doesn't strike me as living to the wellest extent that you could.

BarackPyjama

floorpie wrote: »

i've usually heard that saying as 'the best revenge is living well'

This too. Living well, i.e. keeping fit, looking your best, working hard and being successful is the best revenge you can have on an ex that's treated you badly.

Being bitter, wanting revenge, petty tit-for-tats - all these do is make you look pathetic, allow your ex to know that you still care (even if you genuinely do hate her) and advocate the view that you're the one who was abusive/nasty in the relationship. Because the behaviour you're suggesting makes me think you're not a very nice person. Prove me wrong.

Taltos

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Taltos

judgefudge

Hey OP,

I was in a position similar to yours, cheated on badly by my long term ex boyf. Started seeing a very nice looking guy shortly after (way too early btw). To be honest there were times when I felt very angry at my ex but the fact that I knew myself I was able to do better was enough for me. I didn't feel the need to rub it in his face and I didn't particularly want to lower myself to that level and make him feel badly.

You need to accept that sometimes people screw you over. The only way to move on from it is to realise that they were in the wrong, they messed up and they have to live with that. Let go of the anger because the only person its hurting is you. Personally I think if you're still this angry after this amount of time you are probably not over your ex.

Elmidena

Revenge_Best_Served_Cold wrote: »

Hey, I broke up with my long term girlfriend under not so nice terms about a year ago. I didnt get treated well on the breakup and its left me with some nasty feelings towards her. Its all amicable and friendly on the surface but truely, underneath it all I want her to know that Im doing better now then ever! When I was with her, in private to me she made fun of how her ex's new girls were fat or whatever.. very superficial and unnatractive feature to have. Now with this in mind, they say the best revenge is success and what not.. well 1 year down the line I have an unbelievably attractive girlfriend, far superior to my long term ex and I know for sure that my ex would go mad if she saw me with such a girl because of the way she is.. I have SUCH an urge to wipe her face in it. Is this normal??? Its like I cant fully let go until I know that I have had the last laugh as she really screwed me over in the past...

To answer your question no it is not normal nor is it healthy. Do yourself a favour and cut the fake--why bother with a superficial friendship when you hate her guts? I think your new gf is nothing but a chance to 1-up the ex and hopefully work at her insecurity. Learn to love yourself and the hate will fade in time, but carry on like this and you will get very lonely very fast at the bottom. Let her and her cheating ways out of your head before you're consumed to the point of no return.

Firetrap

I feel sorry for your current girlfriend. You should be happy to be with her for who she is, not comparing her to your ex and viewing her as a vehicle for getting back at her. It makes me wonder how committed you are to your girlfriend when you're consumed with thoughts of closure and revenge.

Neyite

I was badly hurt by an ex, he left me in bits picking up the pieces. The last time he saw me I was a mess over him and he was actually getting a kick out of my pain such was his ego. Looking back, I see what a nasty piece of work he is, and sometimes, especially in the early days of my new relationship, I wanted to somehow show him "look! I got over you. I am with someone who is ten times more amazing than you could ever hope to be. You didnt break me - I am so happy now and you will never be because you are cruel to people who are stupid enough to love you"

So, I understand you wanting to show someone who hurt you that their efforts didnt destroy you. But, I also see that there really is no way that you can "show" your ex without you coming across as a bit pathetic. And it certainly is disrespectful to your current girlfriend, if you try to show her off purely for the reason that you want to upset your ex.

The best revenge is your own happiness. I mean genuine happiness- if your girlfriend is someone you love utterly and you see that she is more beautiful inside and out than your ex, great. If not, then you need to address that within yourself, with or without your current girlfriend.

But, I guarantee that if your ex sees a picture of your girlfriend, she will find some flaw in her - her insecurity wont let her do otherwise. Let natural gossip do the work for you - far better revenge from your point of view is for her to hear how beautiful your girlfriend, and let her imagination run riot, rather than see it for herself.

LegacyUser

A lot of people seem to be judging the OP, IMO it's a pretty normal reaction to being hurt badly, along with the trauma of breakup the ego takes a pretty serious bruising and that takes a while to get over, and I mean ego as in self esteem and self image, not in a proud or arragont sense.

My last ex, who I loved dearly, cheated on me, lied about it, continued to use me and then left after taking quite a bit of cash I'd lent her which I could ill afford (I'm a student)

For months I wanted revenge, then when that faded a bit it became super important to me that she see how well I was doing, in reterospect what I was doing was allowing her to influence my life and still hurt me long after she was out of the picture. I treated some lovely girls after her like **** because it made me feel better, and thats destructive. I wish I could say sorry to each of them.

I've only realised this recently, and the thing is OP, anyone who treats someone like that, who needs to boost their own self esteem in such a way, is not a happy or successful person. The happiest people are those who are kind to others and who have a sense of empathy in their nature, whilst still being self aware and looking out for themselves. I found out pretty recently that she'd had basically the same thing happen to her by the guy she cheated on me with.

Instead of gloating over this I've looked at my life and seen that I've learnt some valuable lessons, that the people in my life right now are people who are good for me and that I want there, and most importantly that I can steer my life in any direction I choose, my own happiness is ultimately controlled by me, not anyone else.

I've been seeing a lot of girls lately, and I can see some elements of her behaviour in my own, and when I catch myself treating someone in a way she would I try and weed it out, I'm still learning and making mistakes and being selfish as hell sometimes, but I'm improving, and my life is better for it. I've become more choosy, I'm really enjoying being single but I would like a gf, but this time I'm going to wait for the right person, and not compromise or try and make someone else fit that mould.

Bit of a ramble but what I'm getting at is don't let someone in your past dictate your future, think about how they treated you and how you can treat other people better, and your life will become enriched from that in so many ways. Every month look back and ask yourself who you've hurt, and who you've helped, and if you can improve on that front then you're winning

Jess16

I think the OP's post is alarmingly unhealthy, vindictive and immature. Using your ex's behaviour as a means to justify your own is not acceptable -though bearing in mind there are two sides to every story and all we have here is one, obviously clouded very much by large amounts of anger,hostility and resentment.

An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind OP, find a more appropriate outlet for the large amounts of negative emotions you're feeling because a negative action rarely produces a positive outcome.

To bear this amount of animosity a year later is frankly, disturbing

nowyouresix

It's just soooo tempting to want to say" look at what I've got now...." , but in reality it's not going to serve you any good only stir up feelings of bitterness and resentment. My advice is simple....LET IT GO.
If you continue to harbour resentment against your previous partner, seeking some kind of pitiful revenge, this will impact on your current relationship and make it sour. You will find if you let it go, you can focus on your current relationship and implement the tools you learned from the previous one to make this one work. See it as a positive thing, your breakup. If you hadn't, then you wouldn't have found what you now have, which you will lose, if you keep your head in the past.

curlzy

Hey OP,

I'm going to be honest here and not trot out the usual Dr Phil crap that's getting dished out to you. Yeah it's natural to want revenge on people that f*ck you over, of course it is. If it wasn't a natural reaction and everyone authomatically got over it :rolleyes: and turned the other cheek then there'd be no such word as revenge would there?

So anyways while I'd hope that after a year then you'd be well over whatever she did, I can see you're really not. I don't think it's a sign that you haven't moved on from your ex, I think it's a sign you're still pissed at whatever she did. Why not figure out where/when she's going to be somewhere and then tell your g/f to put on her nicest dress and then take her out, stopping where the ex is for one drink before carrying on? Yeah I get it's petty, however if you really will get a sense of rightous revenge then go for it. If I were your g/f and you told me, I'd help by looking extra stunning:D

Best of luck.

Zen65

Revenge_Best_Served_Cold wrote: »

When I was with her, in private to me she made fun of how her ex's new girls were fat or whatever.. very superficial and unnatractive feature to have.

When/if she sees you with this new girl, she will tell her new b/f that your new girlfriend is too fat/skinny/has bad skin/bad hair or whatever. Life is not like in the movies, OP, leopards don't change their spots in one moment of realisation. Your attempt at revenge would backfire very quickly, and you would all look quite sad and pathetic.

Move on; live the life you want with the girlfriend you want. Stop trying to make this ex regret her actions...... If she is capable of regret then that will come in its own time.

More importantly, do not reduce the significance of your current girlfriend to being the foil to a dastardly plot conceived by an idiot. Respect others the way you wish you had been respected, lest you pass the taste for revenge on to another.

Be at peace,


Z

booboo88

Revenge_Best_Served_Cold wrote: »

Hey, I broke up with my long term girlfriend under not so nice terms about a year ago. I didnt get treated well on the breakup and its left me with some nasty feelings towards her. Its all amicable and friendly on the surface but truely, underneath it all I want her to know that Im doing better now then ever! When I was with her, in private to me she made fun of how her ex's new girls were fat or whatever.. very superficial and unnatractive feature to have. Now with this in mind, they say the best revenge is success and what not.. well 1 year down the line I have an unbelievably attractive girlfriend, far superior to my long term ex and I know for sure that my ex would go mad if she saw me with such a girl because of the way she is.. I have SUCH an urge to wipe her face in it. Is this normal??? Its like I cant fully let go until I know that I have had the last laugh as she really screwed me over in the past...

What worries me the most, the only good quality yo talk about in your new gf is how attractive she is, to me it just looks like a rebound relationship. Not fair on new girl if you're leading her on.

Its normal to want to feel hurt, but you're crossing the line. I 've had an ex borrow money and not give it back, same guy lied about his own grandfather having cancer and how bad his family life is, all for sympathy. It took me a few months to realise Im better off without him but it stung like a b!tch!!
My advice would be find a way to vent, be it write it down or take up a hobby. You should really concentrate on yourself, as your ex didnt really give a crap while she was with you, why would she now?

tigerblob

It's a perfectly normal, natural response, but I would try to push it to the back of my mind and let her off if I were you

Scanlas The 2nd

curlzy wrote: »

Hey OP,

I'm going to be honest here and not trot out the usual Dr Phil crap that's getting dished out to you. Yeah it's natural to want revenge on people that f*ck you over, of course it is. If it wasn't a natural reaction and everyone authomatically got over it :rolleyes: and turned the other cheek then there'd be no such word as revenge would there?

So anyways while I'd hope that after a year then you'd be well over whatever she did, I can see you're really not. I don't think it's a sign that you haven't moved on from your ex, I think it's a sign you're still pissed at whatever she did. Why not figure out where/when she's going to be somewhere and then tell your g/f to put on her nicest dress and then take her out, stopping where the ex is for one drink before carrying on? Yeah I get it's petty, however if you really will get a sense of rightous revenge then go for it. If I were your g/f and you told me, I'd help by looking extra stunning:D

Best of luck.

It may be natural but it's still unhealthy. To the OP I would suggest meditation.

LegacyUser

curlzy wrote: »

Hey OP,

I'm going to be honest here and not trot out the usual Dr Phil crap that's getting dished out to you. Yeah it's natural to want revenge on people that f*ck you over, of course it is. If it wasn't a natural reaction and everyone authomatically got over it :rolleyes: and turned the other cheek then there'd be no such word as revenge would there?

So anyways while I'd hope that after a year then you'd be well over whatever she did, I can see you're really not. I don't think it's a sign that you haven't moved on from your ex, I think it's a sign you're still pissed at whatever she did. Why not figure out where/when she's going to be somewhere and then tell your g/f to put on her nicest dress and then take her out, stopping where the ex is for one drink before carrying on? Yeah I get it's petty, however if you really will get a sense of rightous revenge then go for it. If I were your g/f and you told me, I'd help by looking extra stunning:D

Best of luck.

Oh my God! Do not do this, Its pathetic! If I was with a guy who asked me to dress up to make his ex jealous Id be very insulted, and would question what I was doing with a person who still wanted to parade around in front of his ex trying to annoy her, nevermind thinking it was acceptable to ask his current girlfriend to join in!

ravima

you could always find a dead dog, preferrably roadkill. Tie it by the neck to her car and hide under the car. Then when when she drives off, phone the guards to report cruelty. Not reccomended, but a good laugh and morto for her.

That might get it out of your system.

floorpie

curlzy wrote: »

So anyways while I'd hope that after a year then you'd be well over whatever she did, I can see you're really not. I don't think it's a sign that you haven't moved on from your ex, I think it's a sign you're still pissed at whatever she did. Why not figure out where/when she's going to be somewhere and then tell your g/f to put on her nicest dress and then take her out, stopping where the ex is for one drink before carrying on? Yeah I get it's petty, however if you really will get a sense of rightous revenge then go for it. If I were your g/f and you told me, I'd help by looking extra stunning:D

This type of thing is totally transparent though. Neverminding the fact that it legitimises wallowing in the past. Also neverminding the fact that it could possibly ruin his current relationship.

Just move on and be happy OP, that's the healthiest, and, strangely enough...if this is what you want, most vengeful thing you could do.

Ickle Magoo

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homerjay2005

Dolorous wrote: »

Don't do this unless you want to look pathetic. Seriously, the best thing you can do is forget about it and move on.

erra f8ck it, what goes around, comes around. i see nothing wrong with what the OP does, if it makes him happy.

we dont know the girl, she could be the biggest c*nt of all time for all we know and deserves to be brought down a peg or 2. there is not one person on boards who at some stage of there life, has not wanted to get back at somebody for treating them wrong.

its called human nature.

Ickle Magoo

homerjay2005 wrote: »

...and deserves to be brought down a peg or 2.

That's the point tho isn't it - it's obvious when someone is trying to do something for your benefit rather than naturally occurring - when it's a transparent attempt at revenge it just gives the person a second chance to get one over on ye...cos you make it clear A) they got under your skin and you are still spending time and effort trying to impress them. Not cool.

homerjay2005 wrote: »

there is not one person on boards who at some stage of there life, has not wanted to get back at somebody for treating them wrong.

its called human nature.

Human nature may mean most people have considered revenge but pride, maturity & common sense would hopefully have over-ruled that for all the above reasons.

OP, move on. She wasn't worth the hurt then and she ain't worth the effort now. The best revenge is to move on sufficiently that revenge or any warped ideas of impressing her or impressing on her what she's missing don't even enter your head...remember, the opposite to love isn't hate, it's apathy.

All the best. :cool:

blatantrereg

Revenge is for losers. All you'd achieve with this is to make people think you're a twat - including both girls involved.