trying to make sense of someones behaviour

credoamo

Hi there,

So, here I am Christmas eve, not speaking to my best friend, its hurts as were friends for so many years.

I moved two months ago and thats when things started to go bad. I thought she was becoming short with me, not ringing or texting like we used to, so I took it as her being busy etc.

She rings last week and tells me that my ex was at her house (we had a very bad breakup).. she said he seem genuine when he wanted to make it up to me for behaving so badly, (he had been saying this to other friends, which was a ploy and he was lying) and I told them he was playing to talk to me, (he cheated on me for a 2nd time)..

She proceeded to say he seemed genuine and seemed sorry, I said to her i was glad she didnt tell him where I moved to but was disappointed that she fell for his ploy and felt sorry for him considering what he did to me and shes my friend...!!

She lost the plot saying that she thought I was her friend and that I had made a derogatory remark to her "a year" previous and that she couldnt understand why I was treating her like this..that she was there for me all the time (likewise).that she hoped he was worth losing her friendship for...... Eh, reverse...WTF? im still not getting it...... he was never worth losing anyone for?.. let alone a year later... and why now... I apologised for the remark, last year, and again last week....which wasnt meant the way she took it and was taken in the wrong context anyway.....

I then hear from another person that he was talking to my friend, he told her private info that only my friend could have told him, she called the other person and said that I was too busy with my "new friends" to care about her...im totally confused,,,

She told my ex about my kids, one had a personal issue, she told him I had moved to get away from it all, the ins and outs of the problem with my child, "I know she did as no one else knew and he was able to tell another friend"..!!and I moved because i wanted to start fresh not run away.....

why did she tell my ex personal things i trusted her with,?.. then lose it with me for saying she shouldnt have.............. anyone any ideas?

LegacyUser

I was actually picturing you as being about 17 at the start of this post. I thought maybe you'd gone away to college and the friendship dynamics had changed becaue of that but I assume thats not the case since you have children. Its all quite vague what has been said or gone on between you your friend and your ex but it sounds like shes getting upset over nothing. Unless your ex and your friend were friends anyway it seems odd they'd be discussing your previous relationship with each other. It souldnt be anything to do with her and if he wants to reconcile with you, speaking to your friend is not the most mature way to go about it. Are you sure there isn't something going on between the two of them and shes lashing out from guilt?

Big Bag of Chips

Sometimes attack is the best form of defense.

If she is feeling guilty about something (could be something going on between them, or her wanting there to be something, or her knowing that she was wrong in discussing certain things etc) then rather than admit she's in the wrong, its easier for her to try turn it around to be your fault.

Don't really know what to advise. If she's not approachable and not up for talking things through, then I don't see there's a whole lot you can do...