Sad young guy!

whatcartoget

Hi! I am a 19 year old guy! I am feeling really down and angry with the last few days because there is a certain person calling for Christmas day and a few days after it. Well basically when I went to school I got bullied a lot and I was an easy target for any one. A family member close to my mother started being very nice to me and started buying thing for me and giving me presents. At the time I thought nothing of it. After a while this guy was spending a lot of time around me. Well basically this man sexually abused me for a few years and he completely wrecked my life. All his gifts were basically a payment to me and I still get these gifts. When It first began I had no idea what he was doing to me and I just laid there and let him at me and didn't stop him basically because I had no idea what he was doing to me and then when I was old enough he still had a power over me.
I basically have hidden this secret for years because of the embarrassment of it and also the fear of not being being believed.
Well now he is calling for Christmas and with the last few days I have being in a foul mood and I can't eat or sleep properly! I have no idea how I am going to keep up the fake act over the next few days My body feels stiff even when I think of him. What should I do?

Hi

Sorry to hear about your situation.

I only have one bit of advise for you. Please inform your parents and the Gardai about your abuser. I know that might seem like a hard thing to do, but it is for the best.

subscriber

Hey OP,

this is a very serious situation indeed and I don't blame you for feeling sick with stress and not being able to sleep or eat. Christmas or no Christmas, you absolutely must inform your parents about this immediately. I wouldn't worry one bit about weather or not they believe you because they absolutely will, no shadow of a doubt about that. It would be impossible to ignore an accusation carrying this amount of weight.

The only comparison I can give you is the situation with the catholic church, for many decades they taught they were untouchable and could do whatever they wanted without consequence but when people starting speaking up they soon found themselves in hot water very quickly.

We are now living in a very modern society where unfortunately this type of behaviour and situation is all too common, for this reason your parents will take you seriously.

I would absolutely not go through the Christmas leaving this unsaid. I think it would be a very bad idea to let this individual anywhere near you again or even in your presence or your house either, i could only imagine how uncomfortable this must make you feel.

You MUST ABSOLUTELY inform your parents of this situation and sit down and discuss what the best course of action will be. I have no doubt in my mind they will take your side (blood is thicker than water), and this creep who ever he is will most certainly not be coming anywhere near you or your family again.

It realise it will be more than likely one of the most difficult things you have had to do but it's absolutely paramount that you make them aware of what has happened.

Best of luck, I hope this helps some.

ElleEm

You poor poor thing. This is not something you should have to deal with alone. You should speak to your family about it. The idea of involving the Gardai must be really scary for you,and you obviously decided against telling them at the time but I urge you,like the other posters, report this man. He should not be walking free after what he put you through. You should also think about any further victims- you could stop him from doing it again if you got the Gardai involved. He also has some cheek going to visit your house. Don't think about ruining Christmas or people not believing you- tell someone NOW. Do not sit under the same roof as this man. Good luck x

whatcartoget

Thanks for the advice! He arrived yesterday evening and I am trying to distance myself from him. Even the small while I was round him he was controlling around me and I found him really hard to put up with. Its very hard to explain He actually makes my stomach turn.
I am afraid to tell because he told me who would believe me over him and he would kill me. He gave me Christmas presents and I honestly don't want them.
He is just such a controlling pr*ckk today for example today I was talk and he didn't want me to talk so he balled up a plastic bag and shoved it in my mouth!

Taltos

OP - you need to tell your parents and the gardai right this minute.

EGAR

Totally echo what everyone else is saying, please tell your parents. For your own sake and for the sake of the next victim. Please.

snafuk35

whatcartoget wrote: »

Hi! I am a 19 year old guy! I am feeling really down and angry with the last few days because there is a certain person calling for Christmas day and a few days after it. Well basically when I went to school I got bullied a lot and I was an easy target for any one. A family member close to my mother started being very nice to me and started buying thing for me and giving me presents. At the time I thought nothing of it. After a while this guy was spending a lot of time around me. Well basically this man sexually abused me for a few years and he completely wrecked my life. All his gifts were basically a payment to me and I still get these gifts. When It first began I had no idea what he was doing to me and I just laid there and let him at me and didn't stop him basically because I had no idea what he was doing to me and then when I was old enough he still had a power over me.
I basically have hidden this secret for years because of the embarrassment of it and also the fear of not being being believed.
Well now he is calling for Christmas and with the last few days I have being in a foul mood and I can't eat or sleep properly! I have no idea how I am going to keep up the fake act over the next few days My body feels stiff even when I think of him. What should I do?

Expose him right in the middle of the Christmas celebrations.
Do it and destroy him for what he did to you and let every body know it.
You have been bottling this up and you need to give him both barrels and expose him for the cretin he is.
I think you will feel better and it will overwrite all the pain and misery he has inflicted on you.

Piriz

your first step should be to tell your parents about this as soon as you can.. this is and will continue to have an impact on your life your level of personal success and your health. you will benefit from confronting this and speaking with your parents as the first step...

be strong buddy... this man does not deserve to be free and you dont deserve to have to put up with this behaviour... i found the part when he put a plastic ball in your mouth particularly disturbing... not to mention the sexual abuse...

take care..

whatcartoget

Thanks for the advice once again.
I took ye're advice and told them and I was told I was lying and causing trouble so he is still here looking at me now. I honestly see no point of going to the gardai because I have no proof and no one to even back me up!

ElleEm

The Gardai will do an investigation themselves. At least they can look into his record and see if he has a history of abuse or if he has done it since. Your parents will need time to get used to this. It is a shock. Just try and get them to sit and talk with you about it further so they can see you're not lying. You did the right thing.

Taltos

whatcartoget wrote: »

Thanks for the advice once again.
I took ye're advice and told them and I was told I was lying and causing trouble so he is still here looking at me now. I honestly see no point of going to the gardai because I have no proof and no one to even back me up!

Hate to say it but the response you got is pretty much the standard response.
Just be insistent and consistent.
Also as above goto the Gardai - they will do the necessary investigation - and who knows there may already be complaints against this individual.

Have key dates; times; locations to hand. Include any witnesses who may be able to back up that they two of you were together at the time.

You may have to be patient here -but just stick with the truth. Not kidding - you may face more denials from your family - some from shock - some from guilt (their friend after all) - and some just out of ignorance. Hopefully your relationship with them can be saved - but be prepared that it too may be damaged by their inability to deal with the truth of what their friend did to you.

Roselm

I just wanted to post to say fair play for telling your parents. That must have been very difficult. I agree that you need to bring this up repeatedly and consistently with them or it will all get brushed under the carpet again. You've come this far-don't stop now!
Best wishes