Balance in relationship

LegacyUser

I am really struggling to find a reason to stay in a relationship with my Boyfriend. We have been together for a year and a half. In the last few months the cracks have started to show. He lives at home and I am currently living about 2 hours away as I started a Masters. Up until I started my course we would see each other and talk to each other everyday. In the first month of my course he went off on a months holiday, which I wouldn't begrudge him at all, he had a tough year doing his own Masters and was a well deserved treat.
Also, I think it help me to get used to not seeing as at most I might see him once every week and a half or so. When we talk on the phone it feels forced, whereas before we would talk for the bones of an hour. He works very unsociable hours, and in his free time he either goes to the pub or goes running. He is very passionate about his running which is something I like about him but sometimes it hurts because it feels like he would rather go for a run than see me. Our time together is worked around his running. It has been hard to see each other during term time as, as my Masters is a full time job in itself and then I work 4 evenings a week after college, so it is hard to make time for each other and I wouldn't pressure him to drive up to me as his hours are all over the place.
Now that I am home for Christmas, I thought we might see more of each other but it is all on his terms. I hadn't seen him in two weeks and we planned to spend last Friday night in each others company, and I was barely in his company 10 minutes before we were out the door to join one of his buddies down the pub. We didn't see each other again til last night when I went to dinner at his friends house, even though I have been really unwell the last few days I wanted to make an effort, especially so we can see each other.
During the day we were supposed to meet up for coffee and said he would let me know by 1 o'clock what the story was. 3 hours after that still sitting round, waiting for him to ring, he called and said that he would see me when he would collect me for dinner as he was going for a run. He does this a lot to me. He is constantly late for things, I mean half an hour or 45 mins at the very least. This is a personal pet peeve of mine, but it's only human, people are late, it's just that he doesn't even bother to send a text to let me know. This lateness is common knowledge to his friends, and is treated as "ah sure it's just the way he is" but I think it's rude.
I don't expect to be his number one priority in his life. That is a silly and selfish notion, but it would be nice to be in the top ten. If this is our relationship for the foreseeable, I don't see the point in going forward.
After, reading this I probably seem like a whiny high maintenance bint but I wish there was some balance in this relationship and whether it is worth keeping going?

tinkerbell

He may like to go running, but in your relationship it seems to be YOU doing all the running. You don't seem to feature very high on his priority list at all. I suggest you talk to him and tell him how you feel, see what his reaction is and what he says, then you'll know if it's worth your while to stick around with him.

ElleEm

God, OP, I really feel for you.
It seems like you're way down his list of priorities.
I would wonder if it was easier for him to have a relationship with you when you lived closer to him, seen as all of this started when you moved to do your Masters.
You definitely need to get him to agree to sit with you and talk about what's going on with him.It seems like you are trying to have a relationship with him and he is just living his own life, going out with his friends and going running, while barely giving you a second thought.
Your relationship will stay like this if you don't address it, so you should speak to him ASAP.

cafecolour

No, you don't sound high-maintenance. He's clearly taking you for granted. Whether this is because he's normally just completely self-involved like that, or because he's lost interest I'm couldn't say.

In your shoes, I'd honestly just walk away and find someone else. I suspect a discussion, if anything, with just lead to him giving lip service and a temporary improvement that will vanish shortly

LegacyUser

OP again.

I probably gave a disservice to him in that I didn't mention that when we are together he treats me like I am the only other person in the world. It's just the problem is getting those moments.
We met up today and talked about everything and I told him how I felt and that if he felt that if it wasn't for him that I wouldn't stop him from walking away. We agreed that we will make more time for each other as he saw too that if we carried on the way we were that our relationship would end up falling apart. So here is hoping that the New Year is a better one

Thank you for the advice and Happy Christmas xxx

dudara

He doesn't sound like a jerk - instead, he sounds like he needs his priorities readjusted. Hopefully your conversation will have an impact.

best of luck