Taking Things Slow

LegacyUser

Hello,

There is this girl i went on a date with last week and i am crazy about her. I liked her for a very long time and finally mustered up the courage and asked her out and had a wonderful date. Now all went well and next day we went out together and ended up staying the night together both of us being very drunk.

Now since then we txt each other everyday and i asked if we could go on another date to which she replied that she wants to take things very slowly and "she isnt ready for a relationship right now" and "not saying it wouldnt happen cause i really like you xx"

She broke up with a guy she was seeing for a year there 2 months ago and thats why she wants to take things slowly she says. But is not even meeting up again odd???

Would love some advice cause i really dont know what to do.

lumjm

There's nothing else you can do, you have asked her out and she has told you where she's at, its understandable she wants to take it slow having come out of a relationship recently. She has said she likes you, so you need to give it time and space. She's not ready for the commitment of a relationship yet so you need to back off a little, she probably knows how you feel about her and its a little daunting to have someone pinning their hopes on you like that after ONE date!!So that's why she's backing off a bit as it sounds like it might get too intense too soon with you! So just chill, stay in casual contact with her, dont ask her out again yet, just maybe text in a while asking how she is and see how it goes from there.

Novella

I've said it before and I'll say it again - "I'm not ready for a relationship" means, "I'm not ready for a relationship with you". If you were someone she truly was absolutely crazy about, she would not risk messing things up by making you wait etc.

If someone told me they weren't ready for a relationship, I would seriously cool things off tbh.

BarackPyjama

I'd be inclined to move on until you meet someone who feels exactly the same way about you as you do about them at that moment in time. Life's too short to be chasing someone who's giving you a clear sign that she's not as interested as you are.

Kimia

butterfly man!!! wrote: »

"she isnt ready for a relationship right now"

translates to: I am not that into you.

butterfly man!!! wrote: »

"not saying it wouldnt happen cause i really like you xx""

translates to: I want to keep you on the back burner in case I get bored/need an ego boost

Move swiftly on.

dixiefly

+1 to the other responses.

In fact, imho, your best chance of developing something with this girl is if you play it a bit cool and let her do any running at whatever stage she is "ready". Risky strategy but on the other hand any pushing on your side will push her the other way. Also if you demonstrate yoursef to be available then she will perceive you to be easy pickings / desperate.

A few weeks with zero contact may be the best option.

Miss Fluff

I'd distance yourself if I were you. She knows you're interested so I wouldn't be waiting in the wings waiting for something to happen, in fact I think moving swiftly on may galvanise her into action if she is genuinely potentially interested in you...wouldn't hold my breath though, probably not what you want to hear

LegacyUser

'Taking things slowly' is usually a euphemism for 'I let things go too far with you and I regret it but I feel too bad to spell it out explicitly to your face. I don't want anything else to happen. I am trying to let you down gently'

If someone really likes someone they want to be with them more not less. The whole 'just come out of a relationship' thing translates as 'I'm still into my ex' as well. So beware of that.

It can be confusing when people say these things. They are doing them to spare your feelings and because the blunt truth would be too brutal but it's a bit misleading as it gives false hope.

Sorry OP

LegacyUser

I have to disagree with the other posters here. I've been on 3 dates with a great guy who I think is fantastic. However, the timing is off because I've just come out of a 3 year relationship 2 months ago, and for one thing I am wary about being seen to be moving on so fast in order to save my exes feelings. Plus, I'm aware of the perils of getting involved with someone so quickly...fools rush in as they say. I'm under no obligation to act at any pace other than the pace that I feel comfortable with, and hopefully this guy will understand that. It most certainly is not because I don't like him, quite the contrary, I think he could be the man for me, but if he is he will have to wait.