finally free to try the bi side

LegacyUser

Hi. I'm a 38 man. I have been in a straight relationship for 13 years. That's now broken up. Amicably enough, just wasnt going anywhere, we were both happy to go our own way.

I'm not really sure I understand "what I am". But in the next while my plan is to explore my sexuality to the full. Initially this is probably going to be more of a physical thing, as much to help me understand what I want. I'm pretty confused - the idea of kissing or cuddling a guy is not terribly appealing, in fact it is a turn off. Does that mean I'm not bi? But the idea of sexual relations, be it oral or anal etc, with a guy is a big turn on. I find a good fit male body attractive, even if I wouldn't want to kiss or hug etc.

So that leaves me in a bit of a predicament. I want to see if the physical side of things is actually a turn on, or if it is just the idea of it. I went for a massage with a happy ending the other day. It was a girl, but she used a toy as part of the process, and I really enjoyed the stimulation. So the next step I plan is to go to a male escort or masseur or something, and see if I'm into that. Basically, I want two things: discretion - I dont want to "come out" when I'm not sure if I'm gay; I want to be safe - so by using "professionals" to see what I'm into I can be safe & discrete, and inform myself in a controlled way.

Can anyone sympathise with this at all? I have just read this back and I'm not sure it sounds sane at all. I suppose I'm going after the physical thing as I dont think the intimate thing is what I want in a guy. But I dont know what that means as regards what I am. If I'm totally into the gay physical thing, but the intimacy with a guy still turns me off, where does that leave me.

I'm rambling, I know. Maybe someone can shed some light on this, someone with experience of a similar situation. Or maybe the answers are just obvious to others and not me.

oisindoyle

Yes it is all prefectly normal and sane ..If you want to PM me please do so

floggg

I imagine most gay/bi guys start off thinking in a similar manner in that they don't feel attracted in any way to the idea of kissing another guy, yet do have sexual urges of some kind. I think that's the way society has conditioned us.

I certainly started off like that, but no there is nothing I like more than kissing a guy and waking up in his arms!

It's a slow strange process to get used to all these feelings but you'll get there.

I wouldn't really recommend going the "professional route" though. Apart from the legalities or moral issues, I don't know how much good it will do for you if you really wanna figure this all out.

It will be a bit cold and mechanical I imagine and while it might satisfy physically it wont do much to help you resolve issues in your mind. It will help tide over the urges for a few weeks but it won't help you figure out whether you want much more.

I wouldn't be too worried about any non-pros outing you - gay men know all about discretion. Heck half the gays I know are still in the closet themselves!

LegacyUser

I think what you are feeling is pretty normal. I'm a 26 year old bisexual man. When i was in my late teens i had similar feeling that you had. I enjoyed having sexual thoughts about other men but i didnt like the idea of kissing other men or even looking at gay porn (i would just read erotic stories).

However as i got a little older my attitude began to change a little. I started to like looking at gay porn but i still didnt like the idea of kissing a man. then i met up with a guy i had been talking to on gaydar and we had a little fun but i wouldnt let him kiss me. Still didnt like the idea of kissing.

However a few years later, I matured a little bit and i met a nice guy who i was friendly with and have a normal converstaion instead of just sex talk. After a few months we hooked up and he was very kind so when he went to kiss me i let him and to my surprise i really enjoyed it.

So what im saying is if you meet a nice guy you dont know how you will feel in the moment. You might still be turned off by it but you may want to give it a go. And as floggg said above me you wont really get a sense of how you feel if you pay for it.

Dwn Wth Vwls

Yes, lots of people feel that way. It's also likely to change if you relax and explore things. What the other posters said is pretty much spot on. Definitely consider real people you find attractive, instead of just a professional. If you're honest about being new to it all, there are plenty of people who won't have a problem with the lack of intimacy.

If you look at any site like gaydar, manhunt, etc there are tons of other people looking for discretion. It's pretty difficult to "out" someone who isn't a politician/celebrity, because nobody gives a ****. As long as you're honest about what you want and what you don't want, nobody has any reason to be angry with you anyway.

Bobby42

I'm bi myself and felt exactly the same for a long time. I just couldn't imagine kissing and intimacy with another guy.
Think I grown up a good bit and gotten used to the fact that I like men.
Now while I haven't been with a guy yet it's the kissing and cuddling I'm looking forward to the most.