How to tell if a guy is only after one thing?

confused2216

Hey all.

I have started seeing this guy recently and not sure exactly where we are at. We met in a club and then went on a date. We've met up three or four times at this stage but I don't know if he's just after one thing or if it's really going anywhere?

Have tried asking him but he just didn't really answer the question.
Am I wasting my time? Is there any point meeting up again, tbh I do not wanna be in a FWB situation. We chat regularly on FB and stuff but when we meet up it seems to be based around one thing. In person he's lovely, seems very interested but then when texting and stuff he isn't.
How can you tell if that's all a guy is after?

Any suggestions or advice I would love to hear it

gypsy_rose

Does he appear interested in what you have to say, ask questions and remember things about you?

fungun

Is FWB really that common that if a guy meets you 3-4 times you are worried thats all he wants?? And what do you mean by 'when texting he isnt'

Whats wrong with the common practice of going on a few dates to see if you have stuff in common etc, see how much you like him, he likes you and take it from there? If you are really worried for some reason that he is only 'after one thing', then surely the common practice is to make him wait and see how long he hangs around....

confused2216

gypsy_rose wrote: »

Does he appear interested in what you have to say, ask questions and remember things about you?

Thanks for the replies. When we're together he really does, he remembers a lot of the stuff i've told him about me. But when we're texting and stuff he often doesn't text back and doesn't show much interest in texting me at all. I just don't wanna get into that kind of situation where that's all we meet up for.

confused2216

fungun wrote: »

Is FWB really that common that if a guy meets you 3-4 times you are worried thats all he wants?? And what do you mean by 'when texting he isnt'

Whats wrong with the common practice of going on a few dates to see if you have stuff in common etc, see how much you like him, he likes you and take it from there? If you are really worried for some reason that he is only 'after one thing', then surely the common practice is to make him wait and see how long he hangs around....

I see what you mean, but each time we meet up it seems to be purely based around that (after going for a few drinks/cinema) etc. I'll definitely consider making him wait, it'll show exactly whether or not he is bothered hanging around. I don't want to write him off because I actually like the guy, I just don't know whether or not he likes me.

braintoxic

Meeting for sex makes u feel uncomfortable.so tell him . I think your making this complicated in ur own head . Just tell him what ur telling us ..it really is that easy.. by the way some of us men dont value texting as much more than a means of quick contact.

confused2216

braintoxic wrote: »

Meeting for sex makes u feel uncomfortable.so tell him . I think your making this complicated in ur own head . Just tell him what ur telling us ..it really is that easy.. by the way some of us men dont value texting as much more than a means of quick contact.

That's why I can't base the whole him not being interested in me because of texting, I know what some guys are like when it comes to that. I know what you're saying, it makes sense. Just I do like this guy so don't want to ruin things by making it too complicated.

fungun

oh sorry hadnt interpreted your post right in that you DO meet him for sex...and then he is not interested over texts....
hmmmm, sounds iffy to me too then, id deffo be suggesting meeting up for stuff that wont end up with you together and see how it goes.

confused2216

fungun wrote: »

oh sorry hadnt interpreted your post right in that you DO meet him for sex...and then he is not interested over texts....
hmmmm, sounds iffy to me too then, id deffo be suggesting meeting up for stuff that wont end up with you together and see how it goes.

Well I don't necessarily meet him just for that at all. Like we meet up and hang out but that happens most times we meet up. All I'm saying is I don't want it to turn into a FWB situation and if it does It'll make me uncomfortable so I'm trying to avoid that at all costs. So, you mean just meeting up for coffee or whatever where there's no opportunity for anything to happen?

ifellover

A few years back I used this one girl purely for sex, but she wanted more.
I was able to ride her whenever I wanted but I was not pretty enough to be my girlfriend.
Hence I didn't add her on facebook and I came up with BS reasons why I didn't, and I never introduced her to my friends or parents

braintoxic

Without actually knowing the two of ye its hard for us to judge..reverse it .he is probably delighted to have a happy healthy normal relationship and if u dont mind me saying ur taking a typical response . Has he introduced u to his friends yet? ..the real test is see if he is happy to be i.troduced to members of your family without it being too formal . Suggest he meets u and ur sister or brother dor ciffee . Keep it casual n off the cuff ..if he declines id move on and enjoy it for what it was .

fungun

yep, id try to arrange to meet for coffee, say your sister might be popping along and would love to meet him. Gauge his reaction.

confused2216

braintoxic wrote: »

Without actually knowing the two of ye its hard for us to judge..reverse it .he is probably delighted to have a happy healthy normal relationship and if u dont mind me saying ur taking a typical response . Has he introduced u to his friends yet? ..the real test is see if he is happy to be i.troduced to members of your family without it being too formal . Suggest he meets u and ur sister or brother dor ciffee . Keep it casual n off the cuff ..if he declines id move on and enjoy it for what it was .

Like he's met loads of my friends numerous times. I was over at his house and his family were all there but it was kinda late so they were all in bed but like they could have come upstairs and any stage and I would've met them. It would be far too soon to introduce him to my brother/ sister, it would kinda make me look like a bit of a creep. I met one of his friends before as well. Thank you for the reply.

confused2216

fungun wrote: »

yep, id try to arrange to meet for coffee, say your sister might be popping along and would love to meet him. Gauge his reaction.

Thing is I know he'd be fine. He has met all my close friends and been really friendly and all that. But would this be different?

braintoxic

I dont see your problem. U seem nice so dont be offended by this ok.. please
You need to stop or ul loose him.why are u so precious.leave him alone, stop second gussing him.ur d sneak here.he is having d realationship he thinks you want with him...gonestly ul wreck his head unless u relax n enjoy wat looks like a normal relationship to me .

confused2216

Ok

Thank you.

Beruthiel

confused2216 wrote: »

But when we're texting and stuff he often doesn't text back and doesn't show much interest in texting me at all.

I'm one of those people who considers texting is for teenagers.
Certainly, no way am I having a conversation with you via sms.
If I want to talk, I'll call you.
Otherwise, see you on our next meeting.
If he seems fine in every other way, then he's just not interested in the sms thingie.

Beruthiel

braintoxic wrote: »

I dont see your problem. U seem nice so dont be offended by this ok.. please
You need to stop or ul loose him.why are u so precious.leave him alone, stop second gussing him.ur d sneak here.he is having d realationship he thinks you want with him...gonestly ul wreck his head unless u relax n enjoy wat looks like a normal relationship to me .

Hi Braintoxic,

It would be great if you could refrain from using text speak in this forum.

It makes it much easier for others to read your comments when they are written in correct English.
Thanks,
B

John Mason

I am reallly confused.

what does FWB mean?

are you actually having sex with him ?

I thought you said you were going to make him wait?

are you the basing the fact that he has no interest in texting you - that he is only using you for sex? Because you said, the dates are good, he asks loads of questions and remember things you say.

If so, i really dont think you are mature enough to be in be in a relationship.

You have been on 4 dates and you want him to state his intentions??? I think if i was him, i would have ran away after the 2nd date.

Legaleagle123

braintoxic wrote: »

Meeting for sex makes u feel uncomfortable.so tell him . I think your making this complicated in ur own head . Just tell him what ur telling us ..it really is that easy.. by the way some of us men dont value texting as much more than a means of quick contact.

Are guys really that Bad at texting? I'm curious! If they send very short messages is that a bad sign? I would be interested in getting a guys opinion.

I agree you should just tell him what you have told us And see if he is still interested in meeting up. Best of luck

confused2216

irishbird wrote: »

I am reallly confused.

what does FWB mean?

are you actually having sex with him ?

I thought you said you were going to make him wait?

are you the basing the fact that he has no interest in texting you - that he is only using you for sex? Because you said, the dates are good, he asks loads of questions and remember things you say.

If so, i really dont think you are mature enough to be in be in a relationship.

You have been on 4 dates and you want him to state his intentions??? I think if i was him, i would have ran away after the 2nd date.

Firstly, if you're not going to offer any advice then why bother posting?

I'm not asking him to 'state his intentions' at all. Just I've been in the whole FWB situation before and don't want this to end up like that as well.

I was asking for advice.

FWB- google it

Yes we are

And yes that was after someone offer me HELPFUL ADVICE

ButterflyABC

confused2216 wrote: »

Hey all.

I have started seeing this guy recently and not sure exactly where we are at. We met in a club and then went on a date. We've met up three or four times at this stage but I don't know if he's just after one thing or if it's really going anywhere?

Have tried asking him but he just didn't really answer the question.
Am I wasting my time? Is there any point meeting up again, tbh I do not wanna be in a FWB situation. We chat regularly on FB and stuff but when we meet up it seems to be based around one thing. In person he's lovely, seems very interested but then when texting and stuff he isn't.
How can you tell if that's all a guy is after?

Any suggestions or advice I would love to hear it

Hi,

Guys can be different in person than they seem while texting. They can come across very stand off ish or not interested but I think that's just the way some guys are. they are not into texting as much as girls are. Seems If you have met up with him a few times that he is interested. Give him a chance but hold off on the sex for now until youre sure that's what I would think you should do.

All the best.

Elmidena

confused2216 wrote: »

Firstly, if you're not going to offer any advice then why bother posting?

I'm not asking him to 'state his intentions' at all. Just I've been in the whole FWB situation before and don't want this to end up like that as well.

I was asking for advice.

FWB- google it

Yes we are

And yes that was after someone offer me HELPFUL ADVICE

There was absolutely no need to sound so harsh, so what if they didn't offer advice, they asked questions in order to better understand you and then better assist you. (Irish bird, FWB means friends with benefits, or rather anything-goes-except-a-relationship)

My boyfriend's hopeless at texting. He wasn't for a long time though, so was he initially better and cooled off or was he just as rubbish to begin with? Tbh, meeting people doesn't mean a thing. F*cked a guy for a year and never met his family or friends, went out with a guy briefly and knew all his best mates and family and pets etc on the first day. Everyone's different, so I'd put no weight in it. It's a big deal to some, but quite often it doesn't mean a thing.

Tell the guy what you want, instead of wondering. You'll feel better for it, and if that's too horrible an idea, get a mutual friend to poke questions on your behalf instead. You only get one life, don't waste it being unhappy

fungun

If you have met his friends etc as well Im not sure there is that much evidence he only wants FWB. Sounds a bit more like you are nervous he wants this because it happened you before.

Id continue as normal tbh, but in a normal relationship there should be times you meet up and dont end up in bed....and as long as he meets you at these times also I see no reason for you to be too worried about this.

Fentdog84

Legaleagle123 wrote: »

Are guys really that Bad at texting? I'm curious! If they send very short messages is that a bad sign? I would be interested in getting a guys opinion.

I agree you should just tell him what you have told us And see if he is still interested in meeting up. Best of luck

Guys opinion here is just that I, like a lot of guys, find texting really annoying. Its convenient for yes/no answers but a conversation no. I dont mind a conversation through email or blog. And it does annoy me when people try to have a conversation wit thru text.I have a friend who sends these long rambling texts sometimes with not enough space in one txt and sometimes when i get these i feel like replying- F-Off! Also, they cost money!

ButterflyABC

Fentdog84 wrote: »

Legaleagle123 wrote: »

Are guys really that Bad at texting? I'm curious! If they send very short messages is that a bad sign? I would be interested in getting a guys opinion.

I agree you should just tell him what you have told us And see if he is still interested in meeting up. Best of luck

Guys opinion here is just that I, like a lot of guys, find texting really annoying. Its convenient for yes/no answers but a conversation no. I dont mind a conversation through email or blog. And it does annoy me when people try to have a conversation wit thru text.I have a friend who sends these long rambling texts sometimes with not enough space in one txt and sometimes when i get these i feel like replying- F-Off! Also, they cost money!

That's exactly what I would think. They find it annoying and girls overthink what they have said and get upset if it's not a long reply.

Ickle Magoo

Can posters avoid using crass generalisations and gender stereotyping please, it just serves to flame - which is against the forum charter.

Please keep replies on topic and helpful to the OP and be aware that off-topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum.

If you haven't already done so, please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter.

Many thanks.

LegacyUser

OP, I'm not sure if I'm offering the best advice or not because I was in a similar situation myself, and it didn't work out.
I'm not saying that to upset you or anything, just that I never knew where I stood either, and I was afraid to push it with him (stupid I know) We broke up and got back together a couple of times, then eventually (after we'd split up, but were still kind of talking, but not doing anything else) he said he didn't want to have a relationship anymore, he told me I'd gotten "too emotionally attached" and he just wanted FWB. I told him no. I was so upset and hurt over it.
He kept texting me again this week, even though I told him to leave me alone, then rang me because "he still cared about me", however FWB was still all he was interested in. I ended up telling him never to contact me again.
Sorry if I'm rambling on OP, but from my own experience I'd say talk to the guy you're seeing and ask him what it is he wants. I didn't and went through almost a year of uncertainty and have come out of it feeling like c**p.
It's not something I'd like to happen to anyone else.
I hope everything works out for you.