Little tiffs with my husband

Chicke

We are a happy family but I worry as we sometime have tiffs in front of the kids. Now it is never shouting and generally I walk off after making a few comments that might last a minute or much less. When I calm down I ask to meet my husband and we discuss whatever the issue is. Thing is I called my husband bossy to day and I shouldn't be labelling him I know
I'm worried that this will impact the kiddies.
Anyone a y thoughts

Moonbeam

It is perfectly normal.
Kids have disagreements with each other all the time and the same with adults,waht is important is that it doesn't drag on and they see you make up immediately.

nesf

It's perfectly normal once the kids see you making up and being loving towards one another. It's when all the kids see is fighting that there's a serious problem. If you're very worried about it have a chat with the kids individually and explain to them that despite the odd tiff that you and your husband love one another and that there isn't a problem in the marriage.


As a long term thing it's probably good that the kids see that relationships are imperfect anyway. Little disagreements and comments etc are perfectly normal in relationships, especially ones with the added pressures of kids involved!

Joe10000

I remember thinking when I was a kid that my parents were going to split up every time they had an arguement.

They never did and it was never close but I did worry about it at the time.

Chicke

Thanks Joe,
Can I ask you if you remember the scale of these arguments. Were they real shouting fights or maybe the odd shout at each other during the day when they are annoying each other.we don't do the former but cetainly have discussions on occasion at low voice and the odd shout.
If I was to pretend everything was rosy all the time it wouldn't be real for me.i would have a bit of resentment eating away at me during the day but if it was healthier for the kids then i would have no prob.
Can you remember the types of fights?

username123

When I was a child my parents NEVER argued or fought in front of us - at all. With the result that if they were having words, theyd disappear, and then you'd feel an atmosphere between them or a lot of false cheer from one in front of the other and it used to really worry me because I never knew how serious the row was. I dont think its healthy to hide normal human tiffs from the children. I used to be afraid they were breaking up when in reality it would only be a small row over using up all the hot water - but because it was never spoken of in front of me I didnt know that and assumed the worst. They never made up in front of us either which was just as bad.

We learn conflict resolution from our parents, and for years I would just go cold, walk away and not speak to the person I was rowing with rather than actually sort it out calmly because I thought that the way to handle a row or a difference of opinion was silence or false cheer.

mfceiling

I read that it is worse for parents not to argue/fight in front of their kids.
If the kids see a tiff and then see their parents make up, it teaches them that people fall out but can resolve their differences.

angeldaisy

My hubbie and I are always arguing in front of our son, but he sees that we have a row, the air gets cleared and life goes on as normal. In fact we have spoken to him about how sometimes mummies and daddies can get cross with each other or with him, but that afterwards everything is fine and is back to normal with no grudges. He seems okay with that and doesn't seem to even pay any notice when we (usually me) are shouting - (blames hormones:o)

Joe10000

Chicke it wasn't very often and I only remember one occasion where it was shouting and slamming doors.

I was a sensitive child so maybe in my mind I blew it out of proportion because we were and are a great family.

As a child you don't understand these things and any argument in my view is
a big deal.

Every house is different so my humble opinion would be that if you feel your kids are paying any heed to it then some reassuring words should suffice as the level or frequency of your arguments don't seem anything out of the ordinary.

deisemum

I think it's important for children to see their parents have arguments and then resolve them. It teaches them how to resolve conflict.

One of my friends said she grew up and never heard her or saw her parents argue but then when she got married she thought her marriage was in trouble if she'd had a row with her husband even if it was a minor row because she thought a good marriage meant no rows. It was only when talking about it to her mum that she found out her parents did have rows but not in front of her.

Hotblack Desiato

deisemum wrote: »

I think it's important for children to see their parents have arguments and then resolve them. It teaches them how to resolve conflict.

Even better imho if the parents can disagree, or express displeasure about something the husband* did or didn't do without getting into shouting, or belittling, or 'you always / you never' etc. In other words maintain respect for each other.





* it's ok ladies, just a little humour.