I'm super mad!!

amira

Yesterday I asked my OH to do me a favor.. It's a recurring one, coz it happens every few months I have to ask him. And he just said no!! He's the only one who can do this for me, otherwise I would b doing it by myself or asking someone else!! But there's nobody else!! And he just said NO!! Just coz I asked a couple of times.. And it's always like that with him, if u ask just once he forgets.. If u ask more than once he says I'm giving him hassle and now he just said NO! I'm super mad!! Can't get over it!! I can't deny him anything! How come he just go and say NO!! Knowing he's the only one I can rely on?!? Don't know what to do..

coolcat63

Depends on what the favour is.

amira

coolcat63 wrote: »

Depends on what the favour is.

Nothing major.. Can't really say.. But all it would cost him is a couple of phone calls..

coolcat63

Well, without knowing, it's difficult to advise. But (for example) if you're wanting him to ring in sick for you (work) then I can sympathise with him - it's down to you to do it.

Whatever it is, did you ask him why he doesn't want to do it? (Without going 'super mad' and overdoing the exclamation marks....)

silvervixen84

If it's nothing major why are you super mad? You're being quite vague in your post, if you give some details of the problem we might be able to offer some solid advice.

amira

I can't tell really, but as I said, is something I can't do for myself, otherwise I would have.. My point is.. He's always done it for me, he defo knows I would do it for him.. Its nothing unreasonable! He's just not bothered anymore for some reason..

coolcat63

Maybe a good start is to ask why he won't do what you ask. Really, it's not difficult.

Elmidena

Sounds suspicious to me; obviously I'm pretty much in total ignrorance as not a whole lot of info revealed, but maybe this recurring favour was something that he was ok with at first, but with regularity he feels used or like you expect rather than ask it of him?

Not saying this IS the case, but if you asked him to hook you up with something illegal from one of his mates, he might have been happy at first, but so many favours on he feels like you're with him for his contacts and not him. Maybe whatever this favour is has him drained and he dreads it coming around, particularly if it's something you should be able to do yourself. I'd give him a break and talk to him about how he feels on the matter. If you're "super mad" and let him know, then odds are any feelings he had towards aiding your cause went zooming out the window if tones got snappy. Don't forget, he's a person too.

Also, just because you can't deny him don't expect him to be that way. That's not how life works, and it doesn't indicate that either of you are the better person. Try and be more assertive OP and show him you don't need him for the favour--what would you do if ye broke up? Surely you'd have to manage it by yourself then?

amira

Well, it's nothing illegal.. But I can see how u could think so by what I wrote..
I'm mad coz he's just being lazy.. And coz I can't deny anything to him and he says NO so easily to me.. Also coz everytime I ask him to do something I have to ask 20 times and still, like this time, sometimes nothing happens..
As an example.. We have a leaking tap, I tried to fix it myself but couldn't, then I was gonna call a plumber, he didn't let me.. Coz he knows 2.. So we could have it fix for free, that was over 6 months ago.. Taps still leaking..
Just don't know how to get over it..
I know people is different.. But this time I can't get over it..

Big Bag of Chips

If he easily says no to you then stop expecting him to do things! The more you expect, the more likely you are to be let down. If you stop expecting him to do things for you, then you won't be disappointed when he doesn't do them.

It's annoying if you know that you'd happily do him favours, and he won't do the same for you... but.... he's not obliged.

By the way, 7 months later... I'd ring a plumber!

Kimia

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

If he easily says no to you then stop expecting him to do things! The more you expect, the more likely you are to be let down. If you stop expecting him to do things for you, then you won't be disappointed when he doesn't do them.

This reminds me of that Homer Simpson quote: “You tried your best and failed miserably. The lesson is: never try.” :pac:

Of course she should have certain expectations of your partner! But again OP, I can't comment on this thread because I don't know what you're asking him to do. You could be asking him something completely unreasonable for all I know.

Big Bag of Chips

She can ask... but she should not expect! because expecting it is just making her "super mad" and its not changing him!

And without knowing what the favour is its hard to know whether he, and only he can actually do it. And whether or not she is just being ridiculous in thinking he is the only one who can do it!

sam34

amira wrote: »

I can't tell really, but as I said, is something I can't do for myself, otherwise I would have..

what would you do if you were single and didn't have him around to ask?

I'm guessing you'd either suddenly be able to do it yourself or else it would become less important and unnecessary.

Miss Fluff

I don't know how you can possibly expect constructive and relevant advice when you won't even say what the issue is. You've more or less come on to Personal Issues and said you have a Personal Issue but won't say anymore than that....bizarre

amira wrote: »

Also coz everytime I ask him to do something I have to ask 20 times and still, like this time, sometimes nothing happens..

On a side note, this does in fact make you a nag (and I hate that term). Why don't you just do the thing yourself if it's making you "super mad", if he wanted to do it he would do it of hiw own volition and not because I was told twenty times in succession....

Neyite

Most blokes I know hate making phone calls. In my house, I have to ring UPC or Bord Gais, or even when getting a takeaway because my boyfriend hates it. But he does other things for us that I hate doing so it all levels out in the end.

You say its a recurring thing - phonecalls, and that its no big deal.
If its not a big deal why cant you make the phonecalls instead? You can talk and dial surely?
And if you dont see it as a big deal for him to do, why is it a big deal to refuse to do the task, and why does it make you super mad if its not a big deal? Why is it such a big deal for you to do but not him?

I dont mean to sound harsh here, but like the others, I dont really see what there could be that could warrant you getting so angry based on the information you have given so far.

Firetrap

Sometimes people just get sick of having to do the same thing over and over and over again. Let's say, for example, you had a neighbour who doesn't drive but who gets a lift off you. You'll not mind giving them a lift every now and then but if you find them turning up on your doorstep every other day looking for a lift, you'll soon get annoyed.

I know too that sometimes men will say they'll fix this or that but it never happens. Either you get teed off waiting for them to do it or you just have to go do it yourself. I had to smile a few years ago when I spotted a van which bore the legend "Does the jobs your husband won't"

Since you don't want to say what the favour is, I'm going to assume there's no hugely unusual circumstance that makes it unlike normal favours.

The nature of a favour is that someone does something for you out of goodwill. Since the person is given no incentive other than being thanked, they are not expected to perform the favour and should not be punished for not doing it. You've no right to be angry when someone refuses.

How did you handle this issue when you were single?