How to deal with aggressive people and bullying in the work place?

subscriber

So a colleague at work decided recently that I would be the but of all the jokes, and at first I seen the funny side of it and took it as a slagging rather than a personal attack and laughed it off, but after nearly two weeks, this continued on a daily basis and soon became a regular occurrence, and has been happening as regular as 5 - 6 times every day. It was harmless at first but now the jokes are becoming more and more inappropriate, and more of a personal attack each time.

I may of handled the situation badly to begin with by laughing off the insults and it may be that I have now been identified as weak and an easy target. So after getting more and more agitated by this, I subtly started to talk less and less to this person over the period of a few days, progressing onto avoiding conversation at all cost and effectively giving the silent treatment. Alas, this has not worked, so now, because i'm viewed as weak and easy, now even when im having a conversation with another colleague , this person will edge there way into the conversation and bingo.. u guessed it, manages to get another insult thrown my way within the first few seconds of entering the conversation.

Now, others at work have also identified this person as being arrogant, aggressive, self-opinionated, loud and abrasive, but for some reason this person seems to have latched on to insulting me. I want to avoid a full blown verbal argument at all cost as I wouldn't have the courage and I would just be shouted down as well. I would not be able to win with this person and would be setting myself up further abusive attack.

I am unsure on how to go about handling this situation, have u ever been in a situation like this and how have you handled it???

woodoo

I think you have to pull her up on it. Tell her that you are not happy being the butt of her jokes.

ClimberC

Does your place of work have human resources? Its their place to deal with instances like this. Also if you ask your boss/ supervisor to have a word with him, it should shut them up.

I understand this might not seem like the easiest thing to do, but have you tried to talk to the person about this?

subscriber

ClimberC wrote: »

Does your place of work have human resources? Its their place to deal with instances like this. Also if you ask your boss/ supervisor to have a word with him, it should shut them up.

I understand this might not seem like the easiest thing to do, but have you tried to talk to the person about this?

I haven't addressed the problem directly to the person,no, because it would just cause an onslaught of abusive behaviour, i was hoping that avoiding the person would resolve the problem , but i think it has only made it worse as they now consciously know that I am unhappy with them, and because of the type of personality they have, this person takes enjoyment in seeing me suffer and being unable to defend my self.

I would be afraid to report this to a HR dept as it may result in this game of Chinese whispers going around the workplace, like "did u hear what subscriber did, they reported mr.x for bullying in the work place" and because there is some people in the company that are friends with this person, would I not be effectively be making myself an enemy of the state with more than one person?? This could potentially aggravate the situation and I would then have more than one aggressive person to worry about ??

Has anyone ever actually reported someone for bullying in the work place and what has been the outcome?? That being said, i would lean more on the side of addressing this directly to the person. That being said, i would not find either of these solutions an easy thing to do...... :mad:

Kimia

What kind of remarks is he/she making? Give examples so that I can give you cutting answers to reply with. You need to show her that you won't take her crap any longer. Is it sneaky remarks or balls out?

Zen65

subscriber wrote: »

I haven't addressed the problem directly to the person,no, because it would just cause an onslaught of abusive behaviour, i was hoping that avoiding the person would resolve the problem , but i think it has only made it worse as they now consciously know that I am unhappy with them, and because of the type of personality they have, this person takes enjoyment in seeing me suffer and being unable to defend my self.

Avoiding the person won't work, because this person is not clued in enough to realise this is what you're doing. In the vast majority of cases, simply having a quiet word (in private) with this person, letting them know that you find the put-downs to be hurtful and that they make you uncomfortable will work. It must be very clearly said to them, not just hinted at.

This person uses humour to establish their "position" within the workplace. They are demonstrating their cutting wit. They (generally) do not mean to hurt you, they actually think you are flattered by the attention. They see you only as a foil for their "wit". Telling them how it makes you feel, without making a song-and-dance about it, could establish a different relationship altogether.

Try it.

If it fails, then you refer the matter to your HR people. You are entitled to work in an environment free from bullying.

Be at peace,

Z

shinikins

You need to speak with your HR, OP. You don't have to make a complaint, but if this gets any worse and it is reported by another member of staff they will want to know why you didn't make them aware.

In most places that I have worked there is generally a procedure you need to follow regarding bullying. Speaking to the bully and making them aware that what they are doing or saying to make you uncomfortable is the first step. If they choose to ignore that, then making a formal complaint to HR is next. You need to have documented evidence that this is ongoing, so every time something is said, write it down in a notebook. In my experience, people will run away from the bully at the first sign of a complaint, they don't want to be involved and tarred with the same brush, so all those friends that the bully has-they will slink away into the background.

If you really don't want to speak to HR(although I really think you should) then maybe you could try turning these remarks back on this person. If they make a personal remark, ask them directly, "What makes you think you have the right to say that?" or "Why do you think its appropriate to say that?" Have a look over in Work & Jobs, there may be some threads there that might help you in your situation. Good luck OP.

mikemac1

I wouldn't go to HR yet. Once you start that process you cannot stop it.

And while you could devastate him with some cutting comebacks I wouldn't do that either. It's retaliation and if your manager ever sits the two of ye down he'll say you are as bad as each other.

Pull the lad aside and be sharp and to the point. You're not going to take it off him and if he an issue with you he better tell you what it is right now so you can hash it out.
Straight to the point OP now "um, aw, hi can I speak you to a second". No, no, no, just pull him aside and get it done. Takes less then twenty seconds

For whatever reason you've been picked out as an easy target and you have to confront him over it or this will not stop. You say you're a bit quiet, maybe that's it.

And get a notebook and record what you said and what he said.
In fact, you can record this on your mobile phone in your pocket

krudler

mikemac1 wrote: »

And get a notebook and record what you said and what he said.
In fact, you can record this on your mobile phone in your pocket

that wouldnt do jack ****, and the person being recorded could sue them for breach of privacy, unconsenting recordings are a thorny issue in this country, wouldnt go down that road.

sambuka41

I've been in this position recently, the only way it stopped was by being as bitchy/passive aggressive as they were being (it was a woman in my case, and she is a bully who took advantage). I done exactly like you, in the beginning I laughed it off but that invited more. So I got mean back at her; it was hard to begin with because its not in my nature but now I'm pretty good at it. You can say nearly anything to these people once you are laughing when you say it

It sounds harsh but thats exactly what they are doing to you, so if they ever get pissed about what you're saying you can remind them that they do it all the time, dont dish it if you cant take it.

But in my case anyway she has never said anything, she just backed off, cause bullies will do that once they realise that you can be pushed around. I only have to be bitchy ever second day or so now. (Before that I had been at the point of crying everday before going to work, I was about to quit my job and instead I got mad at her, and mad at me for letting it happen, its really freeing to finally stand up to these assholes!:D )


Its all about boundaries, set them and keep them; remind yourself often that you wont take it bull**** from people who mean nothing to you (and eventually you wont even need to remind yourself)

phelo2121

I agree with the above post this person thinks their making themself look good by putting u down in short everytime he/she says anything ur reply needs to make them look stupid /small they will stop very soon as their comments r then not serving the purpose of making them look/feel good!

mikemac1

krudler wrote: »

that wouldnt do jack ****, and the person being recorded could sue them for breach of privacy, unconsenting recordings are a thorny issue in this country, wouldnt go down that road.

Suppose the OP pulls this lad aside, "listen now, enough of your nonsense, what's your issue and I wanted this sorted now"

The lad runs crying to HR and the OP is on the verge of getting suspended

All you do is write an accurate transcript of what was said and produce. The mobile phone is for the OP's own records, they never have to produce it
Protect thyself

LegacyUser

sambuka41 wrote: »

I've been in this position recently, the only way it stopped was by being as bitchy/passive aggressive as they were being (it was a woman in my case, and she is a bully who took advantage). I done exactly like you, in the beginning I laughed it off but that invited more. So I got mean back at her; it was hard to begin with because its not in my nature but now I'm pretty good at it. You can say nearly anything to these people once you are laughing when you say it

It sounds harsh but thats exactly what they are doing to you, so if they ever get pissed about what you're saying you can remind them that they do it all the time, dont dish it if you cant take it.

But in my case anyway she has never said anything, she just backed off, cause bullies will do that once they realise that you can be pushed around. I only have to be bitchy ever second day or so now. (Before that I had been at the point of crying everday before going to work, I was about to quit my job and instead I got mad at her, and mad at me for letting it happen, its really freeing to finally stand up to these assholes!:D )


Its all about boundaries, set them and keep them; remind yourself often that you wont take it bull**** from people who mean nothing to you (and eventually you wont even need to remind yourself)

I'd advocate this approach, but the OP mentioned that in a "toe-to-toe" setting, in a sense, he may not be able to hold his own ground that well.

If he can do this, then it's very well.

If he can't, what's his alternative?

curlzy

Hey OP,

I think the best thing you could do is tell Kimia what they're saying to you and learn off her responses, by heart so that you can say them without thinking. I've seen her give advice and comebacks in relation to passive-aggressiveness on other threads and her comebacks are gold. I think if you give that bully their answer and make a show of them they'll never do it again, bullies only prey on the weak, once you're seen as strong they'll back off.

Best of luck.

sambuka41

Pie Eater wrote: »

I'd advocate this approach, but the OP mentioned that in a "toe-to-toe" setting, in a sense, he may not be able to hold his own ground that well.

If he can do this, then it's very well.

If he can't, what's his alternative?

Its unfortunate but he/she needs to get good at it. These crappy people are every where and the will have to be dealt with at some point or other, the only other option is to become a recluse, never leave the house. (I dont say that lightly either, I contemplated it, I've encountered this behaviour in nearly every job I've had)

Its actually a confidence booster to finally get a hold on it!!!! With my bully I go out of my way to point out what a crappy person they are, in a joking way of course, and others usually laugh along, because in truth they think the same, they've been too afraid to say it. That's been my experience anyway.

Also a passive aggressive come back can be an acting out too, I've also gotten up and walked out of the room before, but do it in an exaggerated way, like roll your eyes, tut, maybe even throw in a "god your so boring sometimes" or "here we go again" (eye roll important here) and walk out. Very powerful way of getting your point across.

Its about meeting aggression with aggression; and using it in a positive way to establish and keep boundaries. So OP get mad!!!!!!!!!!

LegacyUser

sambuka41 wrote: »

Its unfortunate but he/she needs to get good at it. These crappy people are every where and the will have to be dealt with at some point or other, the only other option is to become a recluse, never leave the house. (I dont say that lightly either, I contemplated it, I've encountered this behaviour in nearly every job I've had)

Its actually a confidence booster to finally get a hold on it!!!! With my bully I go out of my way to point out what a crappy person they are, in a joking way of course, and others usually laugh along, because in truth they think the same, they've been too afraid to say it. That's been my experience anyway.

Also a passive aggressive come back can be an acting out too, I've also gotten up and walked out of the room before, but do it in an exaggerated way, like roll your eyes, tut, maybe even throw in a "god your so boring sometimes" or "here we go again" (eye roll important here) and walk out. Very powerful way of getting your point across.

Its about meeting aggression with aggression; and using it in a positive way to establish and keep boundaries. So OP get mad!!!!!!!!!!

Well, it's true that would be effective.

But it's a shame that one must detract from their own character and become, effectively, something hateful, in order to deal with the hatefulness of others.

Surely there's a better approach...?
S
No doubt the above is better than OP's current situation, but in the long run perhaps he can come up with something more productive.
My 0.02

fluffybiscuits

Every place of work is required to have an anti bullying policy in place as per the Health Safety and Welfare at Work Act. It should outline all the procedures to follow in th event of having a grievance. First it should be informal and if this does not work then a formal complaint in writing that should be investigated by an imparital person. Further to this if this does not resolve it , it should then be elevated to the Labour Relations Commission. Few links worth reading

http://www.hsa.ie/eng/Publications_and_Forms/Publications/Codes_of_Practice/Code_of_Practice_for_Employers_and_Employees_on_the_Prevention_and_Resolution_of_Bullying_at_Work.14555.shortcut.html

www.lrc.ie

http://www.abc.tcd.ie/ (non governmental, worth a try)

sambuka41

Pie Eater wrote: »

Well, it's true that would be effective.

But it's a shame that one must detract from their own character and become, effectively, something hateful, in order to deal with the hatefulness of others.

Surely there's a better approach...?
S
No doubt the above is better than OP's current situation, but in the long run perhaps he can come up with something more productive.
My 0.02

Yeah I agree with you completely. It really is a shame that there are people out there who are so low that they will go out of their way to humiliate and hurt others. I fought against changing who I am but I was unhappy and the way I was, indirectly caused me unhappiness.

To be in the world with other people means we have to compromise. I'm not bitchy with anyone other than this bully, and I'll only ever be that way with someone if they back me into a corner enough. But I kept my job and I'm happier so compromising worked for me; it might not work for everyone.

mikemac1

Pie Eater wrote: »

Well, it's true that would be effective.

But it's a shame that one must detract from their own character and become, effectively, something hateful, in order to deal with the hatefulness of others.

It would be nice if the meek inherit the earth and turning the other cheek was always the best option. The world isn't perfect though, sometimes nice people get walked over and often times ruthless people succeed

And some assholes mistake politeness and quietness as weakness and try to push the limits. And the OP got singled out as an easy target

I think there is good advice in this thread and lots of different options given

LegacyUser

mikemac1 wrote: »

It would be nice if the meek inherit the earth and turning the other cheek was always the best option. The world isn't perfect though, sometimes nice people get walked over and often ruthless people succeed

And some assholes mistake politeness and quietness as weakness and try to push the limits. And the OP got singled out as an easy target

I think there is good advice in this thread and lots of different options given

Well, it's true that those who do show weakness or vulnerability get walked on.

But that's not to say that to be assertive we must embody that state constantly.

There are certain qualities or approaches that derail the bully mentality quite effectively.
To be disingenuous, by example.
To be deceptive, to take that a step farther.

If someone has the inclination to go all out and be confrontational, then sometimes it necessary to back up the aforementioned with that aggression themselves.

And perhaps even to portray that vulnerability initially is no bad thing, provided one has the qualities to assert themselves when/should, that need arise.

Maybe that's just a way of re-wording what's already been said, but yes, I agree, I think there's plenty of very good advice here now.

LegacyUser

A website that I found very useful.
The sooner you deal with this the better.
Keep a diary.

www.kickbully.com

pragmatic1

Everyone has a weakness or an insecurity OP. Identify whatever weakness your workmate has, it might be physical, cognitive or emotional. Once you find it you can use it as a weapon. But be crafty about it.

LegacyUser

Well, maybe just worth highlighting here also; bully's can often exploit the holes or deficiencies in ones character or attitude.

By nature itself, if there is no weakness, then the potential to meaningfully attack or attenuate that individual doesn't really exist.

Perhaps improvement in that sense; identifying the "holes in their game", in a sense, and improving ones own character, maybe another approach for OP to consider.
They may even find that upon doing this, that it has the symbiotic affect of improving others perception of them, and enhancing the overall quality of their relationships in general, perhaps to levels that weren't even previously considered.

I guess improvement in that sense is another discussion in itself, but something I thought that would be worth contributing, just to add dimension to what's been offered already.

ilovefridays

subscriber wrote: »

I would be afraid to report this to a HR dept as it may result in this game of Chinese whispers going around the workplace, like "did u hear what subscriber did, they reported mr.x for bullying in the work place" and because there is some people in the company that are friends with this person, would I not be effectively be making myself an enemy of the state with more than one person?? This could potentially aggravate the situation and I would then have more than one aggressive person to worry about ??

Has anyone ever actually reported someone for bullying in the work place and what has been the outcome?? That being said, i would lean more on the side of addressing this directly to the person. That being said, i would not find either of these solutions an easy thing to do...... :mad:

I totally understand all the above. I was in a situation like this a couple of years ago. exactly the same, a bloke bullying me badly, always when there was an audience, but when no one was around he would be very nice and friendly towards me. It got too much in the end, that I told a supervisor who told me to address it with HR.
I was called for a meeting with HR and my supervisor. they told me they would not tolerate this carry on and would be giving him a verbal warning.
I was delighted with myself for finally letting HR know what was going on.
I went down for lunch the next day, and every siingle person at the table ignored me because i was a mouth for reporting this guy. I think ppl were more afraid of him than anything. I remember going into the toilet and having a good cry. I got on well with all these other ppl, but it took something like that to happen to make me realise you really cant trust anyone.
i told my supervisor what happened, and all i was told was , 'well we cant tell people to talk to you. I said 'but this is a form of bullying' , and he said again, 'we cant tell people who they can and cannot talk to'. My next 2 months in that company were hell.
i ended up looking for another job, and eventually got a job 4K a year better off, and i havent looked back.

Every situation is different for each person though.

subscriber

Thanks so much for the advice everyone, so im gonna take the advice of the majority vote and start to stand up for myself a bit more, it will require me to go against my normal personality and self but it's worth a shot even if I get trampled on because it's not worth getting walked all over and obviously the silent treatment has not worked in this situation and won't either.

Give what you take and all that.. if it means ruffling the feathers of others in the process , so be it. I'm definitely not a fan of the report to HR solution until things get really out of hand , in which case I might have to do as a second or last resort.

Any other advice on how to go about standing up to this person very much welcome in line of being passive aggressive myself or plain balls out thick with them or having a quiet word.. dunno which would be best??

Kimia

subscriber wrote: »

Thanks so much for the advice everyone, so im gonna take the advice of the majority vote and start to stand up for myself a bit more, it will require me to go against my normal personality and self but it's worth a shot even if I get trampled on because it's not worth getting walked all over and obviously the silent treatment has not worked in this situation and won't either.

Give what you take and all that.. if it means ruffling the feathers of others in the process , so be it. I'm definitely not a fan of the report to HR solution until things get really out of hand , in which case I might have to do as a second or last resort.

Any other advice on how to go about standing up to this person very much welcome in line of being passive aggressive myself or plain balls out thick with them or having a quiet word.. dunno which would be best??

Again, to answer this for you, I'd need examples of stuff they say.

Doc Ruby

subscriber wrote: »

Thanks so much for the advice everyone, so im gonna take the advice of the majority vote and start to stand up for myself a bit more, it will require me to go against my normal personality and self but it's worth a shot even if I get trampled on because it's not worth getting walked all over and obviously the silent treatment has not worked in this situation and won't either.

Give what you take and all that.. if it means ruffling the feathers of others in the process , so be it. I'm definitely not a fan of the report to HR solution until things get really out of hand , in which case I might have to do as a second or last resort.

Any other advice on how to go about standing up to this person very much welcome in line of being passive aggressive myself or plain balls out thick with them or having a quiet word.. dunno which would be best??

I'll let ye in on a little secret here, its considered best practise to bully people in certain circles and the thinking goes as follows:

If you pick out the weakest one and attack them, it means you won't be attacked yourself.

Thats the theory in as many words that I've seen discussed openly among professionals in many walks of life, engineers, office workers, construction workers, solicitors, programmers, everywhere. Demented, isn't it? Deliberately reducing themselves to the level of dumb pack animals. I always put a quick stop to it whenever I'm in charge of a group, since it debilitates the group's ability to function, but if someone ever tries it on me I use the following technique.

Wait till there are plenty of witnesses around, you need to get as many people in on the joke as possible, so next time you bring it up, everyone laughs, and start a semi monologue along the following lines...

You seem to have taken an irrational dislike to me, strange you know, the last guy that did that was back in college. Just no reason at all for it. Of course I was riding his little sister at the time. - look archly at the bully - hey have you got a little sister? Or some sort of sister? (if all else fails) I know you have a mother.

And then just walk off while they bluster. Next time they try their little scheme, ask them have they any photos of their sister, or will she be coming to the office party, always with an arch look and a pregnant pause.

Its crude and rude and depends on the situation, but you aren't trying to improve your score on the Charismometer. You're making a public demonstration to clearly indicate to the little pointy heads around you that you aren't the weakest, and its a mistake to attack you.

Its very important to remember this. Read the subtext and understand your environment. There's a reason beyond instinct that the wee shite is picking on you.

fluffybiscuits

Kimia wrote: »

Again, to answer this for you, I'd need examples of stuff they say.

Cant fault that. Keep a diary of everything that was said and done and log it with times and dates and who was present as these may be needed as witnesses. Speak to other colleagues about getting them to act as witnesses. Years ago I had issues with a prick I worked with, he was a nasty piece of work when no one else was there. I put my mp3 player on record and recorded him saying what he said and then played it back. Told him if he stepped out of line I would hang him with HR and told him to look for a transfer. Not a nice thing for me to do but I was protecting my own well being.

LegacyUser

subscriber wrote: »

Thanks so much for the advice everyone, so im gonna take the advice of the majority vote and start to stand up for myself a bit more, it will require me to go against my normal personality and self but it's worth a shot even if I get trampled on because it's not worth getting walked all over and obviously the silent treatment has not worked in this situation and won't either.

Give what you take and all that.. if it means ruffling the feathers of others in the process , so be it. I'm definitely not a fan of the report to HR solution until things get really out of hand , in which case I might have to do as a second or last resort.

Any other advice on how to go about standing up to this person very much welcome in line of being passive aggressive myself or plain balls out thick with them or having a quiet word.. dunno which would be best??

hi op , im not sure how bad this bully is but here is my two cents

while im always in favour of people standing up for themselves , when dealing with nasty people , it can be a mistake , nasty people have no trouble being cruel and vindictive towards others , if you choose in this instance to fight fire with fire , you will need to become just as nasty as the bully , this presents two problems

1. are you capable of being nasty enough to beat the bully , maybe you will be no good at it

2. even you find you are and manage to win , will your personality be forever changed

i myself had a life changing experience with a workplace bully while working overseas more than a decade ago , the bullying was motivated by sectarianism and it left me deeply scarred psychologically for life , i look back now and realise that the biggest mistake i made was not running a mile the first day , toxic people leave a mark even you end up defeating them , its not worth it

moco

I would come across as fairly quiet and shy but nobody has ever tried to bully me because I wouldn't let someone off with it. When this person makes a comment to you, pull them up on it immediately, in front of everyone. It doesn't have to be in an aggressive way. Just simply saying 'what do you mean by that?' 'that's a very nasty thing to say' or when they make a smart remark, pretend you didn't hear and ask them to repeat it and explain what they meant. I find little things like that are enough to show them you're not a target for their crap.

ambid

Workplace bullying is an extremely serious issue. You have the right to work in an environment free from intimidation. Whether such intimidation is intentional or not is largely irrelevant.

I've dealt with this in the workplace and I think you need to do two things:

1. Seek advice from your HR person immediately. This does not need to be formal at this stage, but you shoould make them aware of the incidents and that this could become a formal procedure. You should also seek clarification on the greviance procedure in case you need to use it. You should inform them that you immediately intend to speak to the person with whom you are in conflict.
2. Speak to the person with whom you are in conflict. I would prepare this in advance, write it out in full, and memorise it. I would ask to speak to them privately, and have a brief conversation with them. I would explain how their actions make you feel uncomfortable and request that they stop making these jokes. I would use pleasant non-confrontational languaage, but adopt a very serious tone and body language. I would speak calmly, in a non-emotional way, sit facing the other person, and hold direct eye contact throughout the conversation. I wouldn't get into the details as this can escalate into something very unpleasant. I would make sure the conversation lasted only a couple of minutes. It would be best to assume any hurt they are causing you is unintentional for this purpose.

If the other person does not change their behaviour, I would speak to them again and this time insist that their behaviour must change. At this stage I would inform them that if there is no change, then you will proceed with a formal greviance through HR. Again I would keep this meeting brief, non emotional, and non confrontational.

Communication is the key to resolving this issue. It may well be difficult and there may be tension in the workplace. That is uncomfortable, but is far preferable to feeling bullied.

LegacyUser

You have to be direct there is no point in pulling the person aside and being nice and blabbering away you will only get nervous. Next time they say something to you look them in the eye and say 'If you ever speak to me like that again i'll make a formal complaint'. Nothing fancy just clipped and to the point. If they start to protest just say 'I mean it' and walk away. This person has absolutely no respect for you, they are humiliating you in front of your colleagues, if you don't say something now it will go on. Believe me I learned this the hard way, I will never let anyone mess with me again. If they continue after you've warned them then take it to h.r. nobody should have to go through this.

ongarboy

pragmatic1 wrote: »

Everyone has a weakness or an insecurity OP. Identify whatever weakness your workmate has, it might be physical, cognitive or emotional. Once you find it you can use it as a weapon. But be crafty about it.

Seems to be a few posts like this advising the OP that they should do the same as the bully. But wouldn't taking this sort of advice just drag them down to the same pathetic level as the bully. How does that really address the situation? If someone else is an a**hole, must you become one too?? If it eventually went to HR, how would it look that you also engaged in bullying (albeit revenge) tactics??

Others have said along the lines of confront the bully and explain that they find their behaviour unacceptable and that if they continue with it, a formal complaint will be lodged with senior management/HR, no ifs or buts. I believe this is the correct approach. It's a cliche but most bullies are actually cowards who can only demonstrate "confidence" at the expense of someone else's weakness. By issuing such an ultimatum, you will most likely find this individual will quickly crawl back under their rock.

LegacyUser

Again, to expound on another angle of approach; you guys are aware that if you were to very simply to embody behavior of a certain nature, bullying wouldn't be a problem for you.

It's the nature of the situation.

Your current behavior is perceived as having a weakness, and is being capitalized on by someone of a nature, very aptly described by the poster above me.

Remember, you're dealing with someone who is really sinking to a sordid level of behavior, so in a sense, to deal with them, a faction of your own behavior must sink to what could be perceived as somewhat sordid also.

But that's not to say that you must compromise your own good will or character in doing so.

People can be funny, everyone's got two sides.
The world can be a pretty hateful place sometimes, as is demonstrated (albeit, on a relatively small scale) by the OP.
Allow your behavior to be inclined to what could be perceived as somewhat perverted.
This will allow you to maintain your own good character, but deal with the wanton aggravation of others toward you, with somewhat clinical efficiency.
It may sound out of character, but ultimately, it's a highly simplistic role to adopt, and highly effective, really, without compromising you own good will or nature.