Appearances

LegacyUser

Hi. I am female, 19 and a little bit shy.

I have never really been interested in my appearance. I never think about clothes, shoes, hair, make up and so on like most girls. I usually just wear stuff like trainers and jeans and never really 'dress up', even going out at night.

It just isn't something I am interested in wasting time on, I find it a chore, and I hate the idea of changing that for any reason. But I have never had a relationship or anything close and I wonder if that is something to do with it.

Does it give a bad impression? Is it more important than I think?

Meow_Meow

It seems like you have your mind made up on it either way, so I'm not sure what you want us to say to you. You believe it is a waste of time, yet you also seem aware that appearances make an impression on other people. Personally, I feel that yes, it is important to look presentable, particularly if you are in a professional environment. The vast majority of men also appreciate it if a woman takes care of herself and looks her best. All women vary in how much effort they put in, and it's a very individual choice. Then again, I enjoy getting dressed up with hair, makeup, nice clothes etc simply because it makes me feel good about myself. If you don't get anything from it, then I think you've made your decision already.

LegacyUser

OP I live in jeans and t-shirts - don't own a single pice of makeup or a pair of heels and I've never had an issue getting a date but then I've a job that lets me dress how I like and the people I hang out with would be the same and we wouldn't go to places that required hours of prep work in getting dressed. We're not scruffy mind you, clothes are clean and pressed, face is scrubbed and hair is brushed etc etc but def a 10 mins to get ready person.

If you want to go to the fancy nightclubs with the strict dress code then you'll have to adapt to the dress code needed for those places but if your someone whose not into that why would you want to meet someone in a place like that? Are you looking for a shag or someone you've something in common with and can have a relationship with?

I didn't have a boyfriend till I was 19 and I don't think it had anything to do with my appearance but just like yourself being shy and maybe a little slow to realize when guys were actually flittering with me I can't put my finger on what changed that year, second year of college I just relaxed and was just more comfortable being myself and never looked back.

Miss Fluff

Yes, appearances are important. People are going to tell you that it's only what's on the inside that counts but that is rubbish. Of course having a kind heart and a good soul is extremely important but in the world of dating, people will judge you on how you look and I think it takes all of three seconds for a person to make a judgement on another based on how they look.

So a man will decide in three seconds when scanning a room whether he is attracted to you or not. We do our own PR so in effect we are walking billboards for ourselves and how we represent ourselves on the outside does go quite a way to attracting the opposite sex, that's just a fact of life.

I'm not suggesting you turn up in your local like a Playboy bunny but I'm not entirely sure why you're so adverse to doing yourself up? It will probably make you feel great! I personally love high heels and make up and getting my hair done but that's just personal choice and I know I like to dress up as it enhances my looks - I don't depend on it. Do I feel better when I do make the effort? Yes, absolutely! If you are trying to score a boy then by wearing trainers and jeans a potential suitor is going to think because YOU haven't made the effort with YOURSELF then why would he bother making the effort either? Do you see where I'm coming from?

I'm not saying lose your individuality and become an Oompa Loompa type mutant, that's not attractive either. But just a little bit of make up and wearing something that makes you feel sexy and attractive will go a long way to boosting your confidence and having people notice you.

LegacyUser

Miss Fluff wrote: »

If you are trying to score a boy then by wearing trainers and jeans a potential suitor is going to think because YOU haven't made the effort with YOURSELF then why would he bother making the effort either? Do you see where I'm coming from?

I don't understand peoples view that people who don't spend hours getting ready to go out are someone not making an effort. People seem to imply people are being lazy if they haven't spent a good two hours getting ready but just because your dressing 'down' doesn't mean that [a] your being lazy/not making an effort or can't look good. It might do if someones idea of dressing down is wearing the same clothes out they've been wearing for several days or wearing ill fitting or worn clothes but you can look very smart and very attractive wearing more causal clothing. The notion that doing yourself up will make you feel better also isn't true for everyone.

If your trying to score a one night stand in some meat market nightclub then you will have to fit in with everyone else there but if your looking to meet someone for a longer term relationship you are always better being yourself....nothing more attractive them someone who is confident in themselves.

Again I say if your not someone whose into dressing a certain why then why would you? If you find your not comfortable how your dressed in the places your going I'd change the venue not yourself. Of course If you really like going to nightclubs then not much choice but to dress accordingly but if your not into that scene then maybe try looking at your hobbies/interest, plenty of social activities were you can meet potential date material. Meet my boyfriend at a regular film club via college and five years on still happy together. Good friend spent years doing the whole nightclub thing looking for a boyfriend and meet her now husband at her material arts class while dripping in sweat

Miss Fluff

Miss Fluff wrote: »

If you are trying to score a boy then by wearing trainers and jeans a potential suitor is going to think because YOU haven't made the effort with YOURSELF then why would he bother making the effort either? Do you see where I'm coming from?

Sorry Miss Fluff but I just want to point out to the OP that I really really really disagree with this. Firstly, the OP never said she was going out looking to "score boys". She mentioned she hasn't had a relationship, that's all. In my experience, dressing up and going to clubs is a good way of "scoring a boy", but has nothing to do with forming a relationship or finding someone you connect with. Secondly, it's hardly like the OP is going around looking like a cavewoman, she's just not getting dolled up.

If I'm going to a club I get dressed up. If I'm going to a bar I'll throw on a pair of heels, maybe a bit of make-up. If I'm going down the pub or to college I just wear jeans and runners, and in the current weather I've even been coming in in heavy walking shoes. No one has batted an eyelid, and I get along with most people just as much as I would if I were dressed up. Appearances are important, but in my opinion, sometimes wearing jeans and runners and no make-up makes a better impression than being dressed up. It totally depends what you're looking for and the kind of places you go. I actually have a few friends who don't like to be seen without make-up, and I find it a bit sad. Do what you want OP. Try out make-up and dressing up if you want and see how it feels, but in terms of lasting relationships, I'd steer clear of guys who have taken 3 seconds to judge your attractiveness and went for you because of it.

Squiggler

OP, I was like you at 19, except that I enjoyed dressing up from time to time (but still without make-up for the most part). At 35 I am still like you, except more confident.

It is amazing how many men really don't like make-up on women, most of my male friends tolerate it because they love their wife/girlfriend and she wears it, but they prefer her without it. Some of them actually hate it, the way it feels, tastes and smells when they kiss or cuddle, the way it gets on their face, lips, clothes etc.

And then there is the fakeness, as one of my friends said, rather crudely I guess but it still makes sense, "I'd prefer to know what I'm going to wake up to in the morning."

I say be yourself. There will be lots of people who will love you for who you are and there is no way you want to waste time with anyone who wants you to be someone or something else. First step is to be happy in your own skin, and that's easiest to do when you're comfortable

Best of luck.

prinz

Appearances are important, but probably not in the way that you mean it. First impressions matter. Dressing appropriately for any given situation is important in my book... unless you are caught by suprise.

Meow_Meow

Squiggler wrote: »

It is amazing how many men really don't like make-up on women, most of my male friends tolerate it because they love their wife/girlfriend and she wears it, but they prefer her without it.

I'd have to say that when men tell women they 'don't like make-up', what they really mean is that they don't like women with * noticeable* make-up. There's a big difference between having natural make-up and going completely bare-faced. The vast majority of men don't like caked on fake tan and whatnot, but it's not a matter of one extreme or the other. I have yet to meet any girl who doesn't look better with a bit of make-up.

Squiggler

My husband, my dad, both my brothers, and a dozen male friends I can name off the top of my head, really hate lipstick, foundation and blusher. And I mean hate. My oh doesn't even like lipbalm. If he kisses me when I'm wearing some he's wiping his mouth with the back of his hand

There are a lot of men out there who appreciate and love their partners as they are. Nobody should feel under pressure to spend time and money trying to look like someone else.

Meow_Meow

Squiggler wrote: »

My husband, my dad, both my brothers, and a dozen male friends I can name off the top of my head, really hate lipstick, foundation and blusher. And I mean hate. My oh doesn't even like lipbalm. If he kisses me when I'm wearing some he's wiping his mouth with the back of his hand

There are a lot of men out there who appreciate and love their partners as they are. Nobody should feel under pressure to spend time and money trying to look like someone else.

I really don't think that it's a matter of women who wear make-up not being loved by their partner for who they are, but rather that it makes any woman look better. If a person applies make-up correctly, they'll simply look like a fresher and more healthy version of their usual self.

But I think that a lot of it has to do with what you've grown up around- my mom would never leave the house without her hair and make-up done, nice clothes and perfume. For me, wearing make-up and dressing up is feminine and beautiful, but if the OP isn't comfortable with it or doesn't feel it's necessary, then I am sure there are many men who are like minded.

Also, it's always best not to change yourself for a man- at the end of the day any alterations you may or may not make in your appearance should be for your own benefit.

cafecolour

IMHO jeans and t-shirt and minimal make-up versus high-heels and tons of make-up are essentially a 'sub-cultural' preference to a large degree - often coinciding with your taste in music (i.e rock/folk/whatnot music and gigs versus pop and dance clubs).

Most of my mates would be in the rock and gig category, and likewise prefer dressed down women.

However, you can be quite frumpy in a pair of jeans in a t-shirt or wear ones that are quite flattering. My best advice would be to put a little initial effort into assembling a flattering collection of jeans and t-shirts (a week or two's worth is all that's necessary, really), and then not worrying about it.

A0

appearancesimportant? wrote: »

Hi. I am female, 19 and a little bit shy.

I have never really been interested in my appearance. I never think about clothes, shoes, hair, make up and so on like most girls. I usually just wear stuff like trainers and jeans and never really 'dress up', even going out at night.

It just isn't something I am interested in wasting time on, I find it a chore, and I hate the idea of changing that for any reason. But I have never had a relationship or anything close and I wonder if that is something to do with it.

Does it give a bad impression? Is it more important than I think?

I doesn't really give a bad impression, it's just nice to see someone who dresses nicely (neat, good taste, where colors are matching nicely; which doesn't mean expensive clothes by the way...). For me it's important. I hate "overmade-up" women, make-up is often confused with heavy painting, but a subtle touch is nice. Similar to clothing, no need to buy Yves-Saint-Laurent / Chanel dresses to look good. Regarding hair, it's nice to see them clean and even better when they smell good
Trainers are for the gym or running or Sunday walk, you can get nice casual shoes which will be better, I think. There are two things I hate: Uggs and leggings, I wouldn't wear them... even to do some building work
Regarding the relationship thing, it depends on who you are with. For me, yes, it matters, I like nicely dressed women (again nicely can be casual, doesn't have to be expensive clothes).

beks101

Hi OP,

There's a healthy middleground in all of this and I think finding it is the best thing you can do for yourself.

Spending two hours getting ready every morning is just as unhealthy as slapping on the nearest item of clothing you can find and running out the door without even glancing in the mirror. But the fact is, there's a lot riding on the way you present yourself to the world. It plays a huge role in first impressions, romance, employment opportunity, even the level of respect you command in your day-to-day interactions. That's just the reality of it.

I was similar to you when I was younger - always clean, but no real interest in clothes or makeup etc, and that's perfectly fine. I haven't morphed into a high-maintenance princess, but I've honestly found so much joy and confidence in styling my hair, finding makeup that suits and finding my own sense of style that it's actually made me more open in my dealings with others. I'm better socially when I'm confident about how I look. I love spending time on myself. That doesn't mean I can't leave the house without the preening, I have plenty of makeupless, just-can't-be-aRsed days, but for the most part, that bit of an investment = better confidence, better interactions, more openness, more 'approachability'. People do respond to it.

You don't have to change for anyone. You don't have to wear makeup to attract a man. You are just fine the way you are. But finding a hairstyle, or a foundation, or a lipstick, or a sense of style/all of the above that you're happy with - and you're willing to sustain - can be one of the best personal investments you will make. And it pays dividends.

beks101

Squiggler wrote: »

There are a lot of men out there who appreciate and love their partners as they are. Nobody should feel under pressure to spend time and money trying to look like someone else.

Also, just to address this because I think it's important - makeup is not about making you look like someone else. Its function is to enhance your features and make you look more like you, just a more polished, defined version of yourself.To wear the right shade of eyeshadow/liner to highlight your eyes or the right blusher to draw attention to your cheekbones, for example.

I don't think this is off-topic as I think this sort of general disdain towards makeup isn't healthy and is misinformed, maybe because of the many women you see who go overboard.

Makeup, as with clothes and hair styling, should be about taking pride in your appearance and celebrating your looks, as well as being something that can illicit positive reactions from the people around you. Is it necessary? Of course not, each to their own. But to dismiss it altogether as something bad, something of a masquerade is just to miss the point of it altogether.

tinkerbell

Yes appearances are important, it's the first thing a person notices about you. Makeup enhances your facial features, like others have said it's not to make you look like someone else, it's to enhance your features. It is a very rare thing to find a girl who looks better without a scrap of makeup on, and usually they are supermodels.

I wear makeup every day if I'm heading out into "civilisation"! But if I'm staying at home for the day with my better half, I don't put any on. He's the only person that I feel comfortable with showing my bare self with! I don't wear much makeup though, just foundation, concealer and blusher. I'll do the eyes etc if we're heading out to dinner or to pub or wherever.

I've seen some girls dressed in work attire and they haven't any makeup on - circles under their eyes, skin blotchy / red, or uneven skintone etc and I just don't think it looks well if you're in a work environment. You should be making the effort for the work place, it is what pays the bills after all.

ifellover

I think keeping fit, eating healthy and having clear skin is important, but but what I find off-putting in a girl on a night out is when she is wearing way too much make-up, and has the hair peroxide blonde. I just think its so generic, and I don't get to see the real girl behind it all.

WhyGoBald

What I would do, if you live in or near a city, is go down the main street and watch people your age and what they are wearing, and decide what appeals to you: maybe those tailored trousers or the skirt with the long boots, or even just a hat and jacket. It doesn't have to be a current style, just a look that you like. Look at the dummies in Marks and Spenser and see if anything in the latest fashions is to your liking, and then look for something similar in the sales. As for make-up, if you don't like wearing it, don't, or you could stick on a bit of foundation and lipstick on occasion.

Developing a sense of your own style can go hand-in-hand with the growth of your sense of self. Both can take a while, so don't worry about putting too much effort into it. Just have some fun with it.

analucija

Considering how many badly made up women I see when going out, I don't think lack of make up and wearing jeans is your main problem. I know a lot of men who would prefer less makeup to more. Besides you are only nineteen and probably don't need much make up anyway.

I wear high heels all the time and I don't leave the house without make up. But I feel comfortable like that and if you don't there is no point trying to change. There is nothing worse than seeing young girl wearing too much make up, a tacky dress and shoes that she can't walk in. However make sure that clothes you buy fit you well and are always clean. And try to stay away from tracksuits and runners.

cch

I think the fact that you're asking the question indicates that it's something you're aware of. However what you're doing now would probably help our responses to you, i.e. if you say you're in college studying engineering that would be a totally different situation than if you're working in an insurance company, for example.
At your age I would have been pretty similar regarding clothes. I was studying computer science so hanging around with mostly guys, not interested in fashion as there was too many other interesting things to be doing!! Guys who were just interested in looks and expected the girls to be girly were never going to be people who I'd be friends with, let alone anything more. Even when starting work I didn't have to dress up, just be presentable.
Big but coming up though, I think there can be a lot of "getting away with it" when you're young and pretty, and as you get older a little more thought, preparation and effort is required, but this can be a gradual process, you don't have to change anything drastically now. And I'm not suggesting anything excessive like fake tan and extensions! Something that suits you and your lifestyle.

Firetrap

I think too that if you like dressing in jeans and runners in your everyday life, you should try to wear ones that flatter you. It's amazing how different cuts of essentially the same outfit can make someone look frumpy or fab. Have a look around and see what your peers are wearing. Maybe experiment and try different things. If you're not comfortable wearing certain things, then don't wear them. But at least be open minded and try different things, even just in the shop.

Fentdog84

Personally, i prefer a woman with make up and dresses well. But thats not to say you cant be attractive by not doing all that. There are plenty guys who it wouldnt make a blind bit of difference to. Your only 19, you may change your opinion yet, you may not.

Moon Indigo

I am 29 and don't wear make up or dresses even when I am going out. I haven't wore a dress since I was like 8 or so and I always wear my hair in a ponytail. In fact think it has become my signature!
I have a partner and have never had any trouble attracting attention from either sex and that's not being egotistical just honest. I think it mainly down to confidence as the other posters said and personal preference. When I was 19 I was alot shyer and self concious then I am now but I am still quiet shy.
If I go out I wear a shirt and jeans or something along that lines if I am honest I think how you dress is linked to who you attract in certain cases.
Be proud of who you are and confident with that and give it time to really find out who you are.

Elmidena

I'm 25 and think I put makeup on a few times a year at MOST. I never bothered much with appearance and there's many an ex that'd verify this. I think the issue here is you're 19, finding your feet in life and just wondering if your choice is the right one. If you're not comfortable with dolling up, then don't. Men'll be interested for the wrong reasons, and won't be happy that you're not happy if you get what I mean? Sorry I'm a bit confusing, feeling a bit ill If you met someone and put the effort in for a night out then he would take that so much more to heart than if you met someone after going out not feeling comfortable. Having a fella isn't the be all and end all, find happiness and then that'll fall into place. Don't look back and think "gawd I felt a right idiot and for what" or anything like that, just be yourself. No makeup=no problem!

Let it be known if anyone EVER wants to send me to hell, send me clothes/shoes/makeup shopping. I only get my hair done as mates with the owner and she does it crazy colours, not curled or straightened or the latest cut etc!

Zen65

appearancesimportant? wrote: »

Does it give a bad impression? Is it more important than I think?

Does it give a bad impression? - At 19 probably not, but it probably misses the opportunity to give a better impression.

Is it more important that you think? - Yes! It's important for "dating" and it's important for careers. Others here have spoken about the "dating" aspects so I'll offer advice relating to your career.

In society we are judged by our appearances, regardless of how unfair that is. There is no doubt that inner beauty /talent is a far more important thing, but the reality is that our inner self is very closely related to our outer self. If you improve how your outer self appears then your inner self will be perceived as being better, and probably will actually improve. Darina Allen may be a better cook than Rachel Allen, but nobody watches Darina Allen on TV any more. There are plenty of girls who sing better than Rihanna, but Rihanna sells more because (in part) she is so attractive.

You mention that you're a bit shy. I'd venture to guess that you already know that you'd receive more attention from males if you made more of an effort with your appearance, but you're uncomfortable with the idea of receiving that kind of attention. You've seen this to be the case with your female friends already, I'm sure? You possibly perceive those girls to be more confident than you? Maybe that's why they seem comfortable presenting themselves in that way? The reality is that you would also receive more (platonic) interest from potential employers because you appear to be a person who manages their appearance well.

It works in reverse also. If you take care to enhance your outward appearance then you receive more attention, and more recognition for your inner beauty & talents. The increased recognition then can lead to an increase in confidence, and hence in performance. Women who wear a little make-up and stylish clothes appear more confident, and this in itself is very attractive.

There are limits and exceptions: women who pile on make-up (especially foundation) can appear to be very uncomfortable with themselves, and so can appear to lack confidence to the point of being needy. Susan Boyle became an internet sensation precisely because she was so unattractive (though her stylists have sorted that out now). Neither of these are good role-models for you.

Of course, at 19 this isn't a big issue for you. But as you age your natural youthful colouring will not be as evident, and you may feel more inclined to think you should "touch up" your appearance. A difficulty can arise if you start with make-up for the first time in your late 20's because it can be evident that you don't know what you're doing. A bad make-up job on a 27-year old can look quite unprofessional (and that can be exactly the time when your career is taking off), so it's best to start experimenting when you're younger, so that when you need to apply it you'll have the skill to do so. Likewise high heels enhance a woman's apparent confidence, but only if she knows how to walk in them. A 27-year old stumbling or hobbling along stiffly in heels can look quite ridiculous, and in a career where appearance matters (that's most careers actually, from teaching to engineering, from medicine to law and everything else) then giving advantage to another woman who can walk better in heels is not good for your own career.

Also re heels - don't spend hours every day wearing them as it's just not good for your feet.

In summary then - a business / professional woman who wears nice clothes (coordinated, feminine, smart) and some light make-up (foundation barely visible, but visible eye-& lip- colour) will be perceived as being more competent than a woman who dresses very casually. A woman who wears too much make-up can come across as a liability to her employer, because so many people are turned off by that. You cannot hide incompetence with make-up, but you can enhance competence with your appearance.

Since this is the RI forum, let me just add that in maintaining a relationship your outward appearance (for men and women) is important. Your partner may not like to see you wearing make-up, though in my experience (and the opinion of most older men I know) make-up and stylish clothing is considered very attractive if it's done well. Your appearance cannot save your relationship, but it can lead to the end of a relationship if one partner is seen by the other as not making the effort.


Z

lumjm

Unfortunately appearances mean almost everything in this day and age. Not having an interest in yours just wont cut it I'm afraid! You are obviously interested in having a boyfriend because you are looking for the reason that you haven't had anything close to one. Going around like you currently do is not going to get anyone to notice you (unless you are very attractive naturally but you haven't said this and you seem lacking in confidence).

And people don't see your inner personality until they've noticed your outer self and have taken an interest in you for that. So either you do something with your appearance, or you suddenly grow a big outspoken attention grabbing personality, and let's be honest nobody likes that. Get yourself down to any beauty and makeup counter and they will happily do your makeup for you and give you easy tips for doing it yourself, just a little will do. And as for clothes you don't have to go all smart (unless you have the kind of job that this would suit and I don't get that from your post), just go for something more fashionable ie skinny jeans, boots(with maybe a bit of a heel, not anything uncomfortable) and a nice top, if money is low you can pick some bargains up in Penneys.

After you get to know someone it wont matter whether you wear the makeup all the time. Especially if its still not your thing. I would of worn makeup every single time I met my boyfriend but now years on I still make the effort but dont need to wear it all the time and he doesn't mind either way. But I doubt he would of noticed me in the first place if I didn't make the effort with my appearance. Same with him I wouldn't of given him the time of day if he was shuffling around in tracksuit bottoms, runners and generally looking dishelleved!

LegacyUser

First off I will say I'm not anti makeup. I wore lots of different types and lots of sparkly colourful kinds as a very young teenager.
As an older teenager and now as a female in 20's I very very rarely wear any at all. I would wear some if I was going to a nightclub, or a pub that was like a club that had a dancefloor and late night opening hours. I would wear makeup to a wedding, or a christening, or a birthday event. So I would say I only wear makeup a few times a year in total.
I think makeup can be very fun to play around with, and I use it to try out different looks and colours if I'm "dressing up". I actually love trying out different colour eyeshadows, and lipglosses,and also playing around with more natural shades of makeup just as an experiment.I see it as a fun thing to do and play with occasionally, but that is all.
I don't think I look BETTER with makeup, just different.
For me personally makeup is just a fun thing that can be used to create a different look just for a change and a bit of fun, but I would never want to wear it every single day, even natural makeup.

All this talk of makeup enhancing, or making you a better brighter healthier looking version of yourself is not something I can relate to personally.
I know I'll probably get accused of sounding arrogant, but I don't feel the need to enhance any of my natural features, I am very happy with them the way they are. I think makeup on me looks nice, but not BETTER than the me without makeup. I feel happy with my face and features just as they are. Never in my life had any trouble attracting people either, and am already in a very long term relationship.

When people say things like that they are very happy and confident with how they look, but that they just feel the need to use makeup every day to enhance themselves, it just sounds to me like, "I look good natural, ....... but not good enough"
I find something very unsettling about this belief that some people hold if they are infact naturally already pretty.

If I was not happy with how my face looked, or felt like I needed to enhance my features more, then I would wear makeup to do this. There is nothing wrong with doing this at all, it's just that sometimes people get very defensive, and say that they are extremely confident with how they look naturally, but if that was true then why would they feel the need to "enhance" how they look every single day with this thing called natural makeup?
If they were truly very confident with how they looked then they would feel no need to do this. I have more respect for people who will admit that they feel more confident or more attractive with makeup compared to their natural face, because at least they are being truthful and not getting all defensive about their decision.
I'm talking about people from my life btw not anybody here on this thread.

For me and I'd guess quite a few others, makeup is just a fun change occasionally, much like trying a new perfume,hairstyle or style of outfit. It's not something I feel the need to wear every single day. I am uncomfortable with the idea of being viewed and judged by others every single day, as a version of myself that is not the real me, but a made up, or "enhanced" version of myself. I am happy just being me, and as I've said I have never ever found it to affect me in my life relationship wise, or attracting attention.
I appreciate the fact that I may perhaps just be lucky to feel this type of confidence, and as I said if I didn't feel this confidence, then I would almost certainly be one of those who wear natural makeup daily, but I wouldn't try to defend the fact it was because I felt less confident without it.

For some though I guess it is not a confidence thing, some are quite artistic and wear makeup daily to express some of this talent. Some just find it really fun like I do, and like to have that that little bit of experimenting and fun with it every single day, whereas I like it just occasionally. These people could be very confident. I know a lot though who do use it as a mask, "natural style" mask or not, because they don't just feel good enough without it.
I find that a pity that they have that view, when some are clearly beautiful even without makeup. There are also some though who genuinely do look better with makeup, and there's nothing wrong with that either, because there's nothing wrong with improving something if you feel the need is genuinely there to do so.

I guess we all do little things to enhance ourselves, such as with our hairstyles or the clothes we wear. I just find changing the appearance of the face as different to this though, because outfits can be shed away, and hair can be scraped back, it is our faces that shine out our true natural selves. It is our faces that are the most memorable things about us when we meet new people, regardless of what we are wearing, and I would just prefer to be seen and judged with my own natural face on a daily basis than a fake version of myself. As I said, dabbling about with it for fun the odd time not a problem with me, but I am happier being without it for 99% of the time.

I guess amidst my rambling views op, I'm trying to get across that if you are genuinely 100% happy with how you look without makeup, and you don't feel any genuine need to wear it daily, then you should be glad that you have such inner confidence and should not feel pressurised into doing something you are not comfortable with.

If you feel that makeup WOULD make you look much better than you already look, then nothing wrong with that either, and I would advise that you do try out things that you feel improve yourself physically whether that be makeup or a new fashion style that you like, whatever really, as this will also boost your confidence.

If you feel though that you don't need to enhance or improve your own natural face, then I would stick with that belief and not change yourself just to fit in with what others think you should be feeling, or how they think you should be presenting yourself.
Do what makes you happiest, and someone right will come along eventually for you.

lumjm

Nobody is saying she has to do anything, she's going to do what she wants to do ultimately. She is being offered advice that appearances matter when attracting men, it's the most natural thing in the world. And unike the above poster (who is happy with her natural beauty and that's fine for her), the OP hasn't had any attention from them, so maybe she should do things to become a little more feminine or develop a personal style. I cant think of even a creature in the natural world that doesn't preen themselves!! It's fine to be confident in your natural state, but if a man goes around, never shaves, never gets a haircut, is proud of his 'natural' smell, he'll be constantly mistaken for a homeless person, will probably be ushered out of shops by security, and avoided on the bus.
You should take how the world perceives you into account, and always make an effort to look attractive. You don't have to wear makeup, make the most of your hair and wear nice clothes. No one actually wants to sit there getting ready for ages, thats why it's called 'making the effort'. I really appreciate my boyfriend making an effort with his looks for me and he appreciates the same with me. Its not that you have to to look nice, it's just a nice gesture to keep it up in a relationship and show you're still interested and care and want them to be attracted to you. And the same in everyday life. And again with the makeup, its just a feminine thing, sometimes it improves, sometimes you just look different, even the most beautiful women in the world wear it, not out of insecurity but because its been a feminine thing for centuries, just like a man shaves and has short hair is a masculine style. No real reason for it, just has developed that way.

WhyGoBald

I actually think it's a terrible idea to focus on appearance with the aim of attracting the opposite sex, or even with that in mind. That leads to some skewed thinking. That's why I said the OP should focus on gradually developing a sense of style for herself and as part of her own personal development. She mentioned that she's shy, and frankly that's a more likely reason for not dating much. Not that it's a huge issue, as shy people tend to start a little later anyway.

As a very shy person, I didn't start dating until I was much older than the OP. This happened when I started to feel more comfortable with myself, and starting to be conscious of what I wore was a by-product of that. I very, very rarely wear dresses, and a basic make-up only goes on when I go out or am at work, but I can look pretty good, if I say so myself.

Sisko

appearancesimportant? wrote: »

I usually just wear stuff like trainers and jeans and never really 'dress up', even going out at night............But I have never had a relationship or anything close and I wonder if that is something to do with it.

But what are you doing to try and get into a relationship? Standing around waiting for all the guys to chat you up or what?

dellas1979

You sound like a laid back kind of girl - which is great! I am the same.

I have a very laid back/lazy approach to fashion and dressing up. I prefer to feel comfortable - that is where I find my confidence. If I have to wear a dress for example I am not comfortable in I will show this in my actions/behaviour.

I will only really dress up when I need to - and even at that Ive to push myself . My mother/sisters are big into fashion and never understood/will understand my attitude to fashion (I think there are better things to be doing out there, but each to their own).

But I have to say, if I am going out, I will make an effort. I mostly wear a more dressed up version of what I would normally wear. For example, during the day I like wearing jeans and a hoodie with ugg boots or flats, no make up. But if am going out, will wear for example skinny jeans with a t-shirt/heels and a little bit of make up. Takes me maybe 10mins to get ready. Now, there have been lots of times Ive gone out in a hoodie and my uggs and equally had great craic, so I think its not the clothes that make things happen, its you! Its confidence in yourself. But ultimately, you are projecting an image of yourself to people you dont know.