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Where do I begin to live?

  • 18-12-2011 6:36pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I'm 40 and single. I read posts here about girls like me, who are 23 and single and are despairing at ever finding a man, and always think 'hey, try being 40 and feeling the way you feel!!'
    I don't know where to begin. I have a very difficult family life - I remember being at my gp about 15 yrs ago and him telling me that I didn't suffer with depression...that I 'just have a sh&te life'. The gp at the time, was my parents gp of 40yrs. He was right. Our family was pretty messed up - your average irish country family with alot of men who don't communicate with each other, hold all their feelings in and who drink alot.

    Anyhow, the reason I'm here is that having done alot of 'work' on myself, I can't honestly say that I finally feel I'm 'worth it', but I do finally feel that I deserve alot of the things that my friends have i.e. a husband/partner, a child etc. I never felt like I deserved any of that before, but now I wonder why I thought my friends deserved all of these things, and I didn't.
    But I don't know where to start. I am overweight. Not very attractive and don't dress too well. I haven't flirted with a man since I was in my 20s and I am completely lost. So how do I begin to even find a partner to share my life with? I dont know if I can ever let anyone 'in' to my life...I am one of those women you pass by in the street and you don't take a second glance at, except to think 'she needs to lose weight' or 'she needs a haircut..'.


Comments

  • #2
    Firetrap
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,442 ✭✭✭Firetrap


    Well...two things you outlined are fixable. If you put your mind to it, you can lose weight. That will make you feel more attractive. I'm sure you know very well how the whole losing weight thing works - eat sensibly, exercise more - so I'll not labour that point. If you think you need some help with this, how about joining a weight loss class where they weigh you every week? Or if you can afford it, join up a gym or fitness class?

    The hair - go to a new hairdresser, explain that you want to change your image and take it from there.

    Attractiveness is a funny thing. You don't have to resemble a Greek goddess in order to attract men. If you come across as being a nice person with a good sense of humour, you'd be surprised who will look your way. Smile more too. That helps too.

    Just because you're 40 doesn't mean you've missed the boat. There are people breaking up all the time, people who've never been lucky in love, people who've been too busy and the years have passed them by. Don't give up.


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