Unwanted visitor for xmas

LegacyUser

Hi,

going unreg for this.
I share a one-bedroom apt with my boyf which has 3 rooms (bedroom, bathroom and 3rd room is living room/kitchen in one). So its not very big basically, but fine for a couple.
Anyway, every bank holiday his bro usually comes to visit and stays with us. He is a nice guy and he's respectful and him and my boyf are pretty close, so i usually go along with this. Plus, its for a few days each time.

But i just found out that he is also coming for the holidays this year, starting today. So its going to be for about two weeks. Whenever he stays the living room becomes his bedroom. He tries not to make a mess, but its a small place and not really made for 3 people.

I was really looking forward to xmas having taken most of it off work. This may sound sad, but i like to spend my xmas holidays just hanging around the house, staying up late watching movies, crashing on the sofa first thing in the morning etc..
Now I cant stay up late, cos i wont want to keep him from his bed. I wont be able to get up and have breakfast if he is still in bed as I dont want to wake him and there's really nowhere else to sit anyway. I cant walk around all morning in my nightie....basically i just wont be able to relax when there's a guest in the house.

To be honest, i feel awful even thinking all of this cos i like him. I havent really mentioned to my boyf how i feel as i dont want to upset him, but i get the feeling he isnt too happy either but feels obligated as he previously lived with his brother for a few months when he was out of work.

Am i being entirely selfish feeling this way? How do i even approach it with my boyf. There's nothing i can do about it now as he is already on his way, but I dont want to end up in this situation again. Any advice?

Big Bag of Chips

Surely he's also going to feel abit awkward. 2 weeks??? A few days here and there is ok, but 2 weeks just isn't practical.

Maybe sometime in the next couple of weeks it could be dropped into conversation that the next time he comes for such a long time it might be worth finding more "comfortable" accommodation.

tinkerbell

Sorry but two full weeks is not practical at all, especially during the holidays when you will be at home all day and no doubt will want to be crashed in front of the tv all day, pottering around, lying on the couch at night, etc.

Two weeks is just way too much, a few days like 3 or 4 well you could deal with at the max but two full weeks is taking the piss to be honest. Two full weeks when you're working or whatever, in which case you wouldn't be in each others pockets all day, so it wouldn't bother you as much. But in this case, you're presumably off for christmas and so want to relax at home. It's impossible to do that when your living room is turned into a bedroom for someone else.

You need to talk to your boyfriend about it ASAP so that his bro can make alternative arrangements. Suggest that he stays with you for a few days but stays somewhere else after that because it'll just be too cramped. The holidays are meant for you to relax, not be stressing out and having to tiptoe around your own home because your boyfriend's brother won't find a place to stay where he's not an inconvenience.

Seriously I don't get what's up with some people and taking complete advantage of someone's hospitality.

cafecolour

It'd be fine if you had a spare bedroom, but that will start getting uncomfortable.

Maybe suggest your BF and brother take a trip somewhere together for good part of it instead of just the bro crashing there for two weeks. They can have their bonding time, and you can have your relax and veg time.

woodoo

Completely normal reaction. 2 weeks is far to long for that. Its OK for a night or maybe 2.

LegacyUser

OP here,

thanks for the replies. At least i know im not being unreasonable. My boyf has since says he doesnt want this either, but just doesnt know how to say anything and i dont think its my place to do it. If it was my brother or sister, i wouldn't expect my boyf to handle it.

qwertytlk

No your not overacting. Somone else taking over your whole xmas brak, and time off from work etc. Are u sure he is definatley staying for 2 full weeks? Has that been established with no doubt? If no then ask him how long hes stayinh with u, and how long is he spending with his other visitors. As in your presuming that if he is home for 2 weeks he will be visiting other friends/relatives.. Or you could say that your mam/brother/sister...anyone is staying for the weekend or for 3 days an since you didnt find out about him till the last minute i think this would be fairly plausbale.
Also, if you get the impression your bf isnt too happy then why not lightly broach it with him and see wat he says, likw why did he invite him to stay in a one bed flar for 2 whole bloody weeks?! Or did the brother invite himself for 2 weesks.
I defo think you have to ask your bf the above...and also try and talk to the brother as i said above, in a way that makes it look you have presumed he was only staying with you part of the time an going visiting. Or say u have a family member staying on x date for 3 days so he would need to go then as you had it planned months wheras you only founf out about this as it was happening!

zxcvbnm1

qwertytlk wrote: »

No your not overacting. Somone else taking over your whole xmas brak, and time off from work etc. Are u sure he is definatley staying for 2 full weeks? Has that been established with no doubt? If no then ask him how long hes stayinh with u, and how long is he spending with his other visitors. As in your presuming that if he is home for 2 weeks he will be visiting other friends/relatives.. Or you could say that your mam/brother/sister...anyone is staying for the weekend or for 3 days an since you didnt find out about him till the last minute i think this would be fairly plausbale.
Also, if you get the impression your bf isnt too happy then why not lightly broach it with him and see wat he says, likw why did he invite him to stay in a one bed flar for 2 whole bloody weeks?! Or did the brother invite himself for 2 weesks.
I defo think you have to ask your bf the above...and also try and talk to the brother as i said above, in a way that makes it look you have presumed he was only staying with you part of the time an going visiting. Or say u have a family member staying on x date for 3 days so he would need to go then as you had it planned months wheras you only founf out about this as it was happening!

To be honest I'd just be honest with him if your boyf won't do it.
He is completely ruining your Christmas.

What is he thinking in doing this?

How come he isn't staying with his parents anyway?